Tag Archives: worry

A-Z of Life – Insecurities

insecuritiesThose little niggles that we all get that we are not good enough, or we’ve done something wrong but we don’t know what (or is that just me?).

Those little worries that just sit there quietly eating away at all the other thoughts in your head.

Until they grow so large they are all you can think of and not only that but they are completely true and you aren’t good enough, and it’s always your fault.

Annoying, aren’t they?

But how do you conquer those little niggling doubts inside your head?

Is it possible?

More importantly though, do you want to?

Personally, I think that if you want to get rid of them, it’s most definitely possible. After all, as Buddha said:

What you think, you become.

What you feel, you attract.

What you imagine, you create.

So, if all you can think and dwell on are insecurities, the wrongs people have done you, etc, etc, etc, then all you attract is more of the bad stuff and none of the good stuff.

But how do you change?

Well, it’s not easy, but it does all start with that very question.

If you know you want things to change, and you know you have to change in order to make that happen, then believe me, you are on the road there.

I have come full circle.

When I was little no one was ever going to beat me – at anything.

And then life happened and I let life beat me. I let everything else control me, but me. I clammed up and hid. I was totally afraid to show any feelings, I was never good enough for anyone, I was never good at anything and even if I showed any hint there was always someone only too willing to slap me back down into my place again.

I spent the best part of my life being afraid.

But then, a couple of years ago I had an epiphany.

It wasn’t one of those Damascene (?) epiphanies, more a case of a culmination of a whole heap of crap (for want of a better word) and me saying “STOP! I’ve had it!”

I knew I couldn’t change other people, but I sure as hell could change myself and how I reacted to certain situations.

Since reading is what I do best, I read and read anything I could get my hands on regarding personal development and changing perspectives. I’ve read about chimps, psychopaths, the universe, gratitude, psychic vibrations, etc. Some brilliant, some good and some not so good.

Little by little I managed to chip away at those in-built insecurities that had been a permanent fixture in my head for more years than I care to remember.

And you know what?

I’ve come to like myself again. I may not be to everyone’s cup of tea, but I’m mine.

I’ve realised that I have a right to be here, just as much as anyone else, and I don’t need to excuse my presence to anyone, especially not me.

What ever happened in the past is exactly where it needs to stay. Firmly in the past. I have learned from everything that has happened to try to make myself a better human being. By forgiving others and equally forgiving myself has lifted that feeling of eternal guilt that I am always in the wrong.

I am responsible for my own happiness, no one else is.

I have learned that I cannot control anything else apart from my actions – and if truth be told, that’s quite a scary one to learn, especially as I don’t like the feeling of uncertainty – but I take a deep breath and enjoy those opportunities and curve balls. After all the fun is in the journey.

I have learned that worrying doesn’t solve anything. It actually makes things worse. By worrying we create problems out of nothing. And going back to Buddha if we are feeling worried, insecure and not in a good place nothing good will come into our lives.

They’ll never completely go away, the fear and insecurities, but by flipping my thinking I have now learned that they are merely opportunities in disguise. A further chance for me grow by casting the ghosts of insecurities past aside and simply trusting.

Never mind Peter Pan saying “to die will be an awfully big adventure”, living is the biggest adventure of all.

Life is amazing.

Life can be wonderful, if we just stop worrying, start trusting, start believing and more importantly love.

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The A-Z of Life – Variety

Question!

If variety is the spice of life, why, do we all seem to terrified of change?

When change happens, we are all guilty of being reluctant to embrace it fully in some way.

Variety may be the spice of life, but routine is safe, it’s what we know and sometimes we just don’t want to leave our comfort zone.

For me, I think that’s probably why I never put money into a house. I wanted too, and came close a couple of times. But each time, I was swayed by a couple of external factors – my dad (ever the cautious accountant) saying, that the word was house prices were going to drop in the next couple of months (just don’t buy shares, I think would be my advice to him now) and secondly, myself. If truth be told, I was always too scared to branch out on my own. I’ve already said I am one of nature’s natural born-worriers, and always there would be a barrage of what-ifs that popped into my head, and the worrier in me would outweigh the adventurous me. It always does.

I would like to think that now, with the wisdom of a few more years, I am slightly more adaptable to change, especially having had SC.

In fact, right now, I am embarking on a new voyage of discovery.

The chains which bound me in work for the past couple of years, I have just shaken off, and for the first time in a long time I feel free.

I have so much that I want to do, so many ideas, but first and foremost I have to build myself back up in order to be a hard-core bread-winning machine.

I’ve finally accepted the hand that has been dealt me now, and if I am to be on my own, then that’s the way it’s going to be.

I’ve proved to myself I can deal with my own disasters however painful they may be.

I feel afraid, for sure, but I know I can cope with anything life throws at me – I have the battle scars to prove it. I may have been defeated, more times than I have won battles, but I have not failed, for every single time I dusted myself down and stood back up again stronger and wiser than ever.

I didn’t need anyone before I had SC, I don’t need anyone now!

One of the best books I have read was “Who Moved My Cheese”, by Dr Spencer Johnson is all about the different ways we look at change, which can be applied to any aspect of our lives.

Most of us can embrace change, eventually, and it takes some of us longer than others.

There are some people though who will never be able to embrace change.

As for me, I’m off to find new cheese!

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Stratospheric Stress Levels

Jeez!Not_Waving_But_Drowning

I seriously didn’t think I could be any more of a stress bunny.

But it seems I can.

I know I think way too much than is necessary and this is always bad for me.

I really thought that once I’d told put the wheels in motion to exit my contract the weight would magically lift off my shoulders.

But no!

I still feel that I’m sinking? No matter what I try to do to scrape my way back up to the surface, it’s never good enough, or doesn’t seem to work!

And all the while I feel more and more stressed and panicky to the point of complete, utter and overwhelming nausea! We don’t even mention what it’s doing to my skin, or my hormones!!!

Literally.

I seriously think even 12 months sitting atop a mountain practising chants would not be enough 😉

Still, ever the optimist the glass is always half full, and the stress is only temporary.

I might feel like I’m drowning at the moment, but soon I’ll be waving again 😉

 

Not Waving but Drowning (Stevie Smith)

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he’s dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

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10 Commandments for Simplifying Your Life

Here’s quite a good list I came across, written by a gentleman called Ian McDermott. What are your favourites and would you add anything to the list?

  1. Thou shalt not worry, for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.
  2. Thou shalt not be fearful for most of the things we fear never come to pass.
  3. Thou shalt not cross bridges before you get to them for no one yet has succeeded in accomplishing this.
  4. Thou shalt face each problem as it comes, for you can handle only one at a time anyway.
  5. Thou shalt not become bogged down by frustration and self-pity, for they drain the life out of you…..
  6. Thou shalt not borrow other peoples problems, for they can take better care of them than you can.
  7. Thou shalt not try to relive yesterday for good or ill – it is gone.
  8. Thou shalt count thy blessings, never overlooking small ones, for a lot of tiny blessings add up to a very big one.
  9. Thou shalt be a good listener, for only when you listen do you hear ideas different from your own.
  10. Thou shalt not take problems to bed with you for they make very poor bedfellows

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What do I want?

A simple life.

No stress.

Happiness.

No worries.

Love.

No heartache.

Friendship, warmth, security, fulfillment, truth, honesty, peace, harmony …

… just like everyone else.

 

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Doubt

“Doubt is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.” ~ Buddha

We can doubt anything – others, the world, our selves. We can have that doubt fleetingly for a second or let it eat away until it becomes unhealthy. We cannot survive doubt unless we have faith. I’m not talking about religion, but to overcome the doubt we need to have faith in others, the world and believe in ourselves.

It isn’t easy. I doubt, everything, every day.

I find it very difficult to believe in myself and my abilities. A while ago I was subject to some jealous musings, for want of a better word and I let it get to me. Just as I let the school bullies get to me. It’s taken me 20 odd years to finally crawl back out into the sunlight. I still worry and fret about my abilities, but I have renewed faith and energy and more importantly believe that I can do it. Occasionally I have a blip of doubt, but for that one negative thought about my ability I think of a positive thought to counterbalance it and it makes me feel better.

I find it very difficult to believe others. Call me cynical. But, I’ve been betrayed by too many who have taken advantage of my generous nature that I’ve built up barriers which are very difficult to break down. And the moment I let my defences down I end up getting hurt again. I try to have faith in others, but always at the back of my mind I’m wary that if I give too much away it’ll all end in disaster!

I like to think that the world can be a better place, I don’t like to think that SC and his generation are going to have nothing left of this beautiful planet, after the current generation have blown it all to bits in a quest for ‘peace’, polluted everything with our dependency on air/car travel, heat & light, and destroyed the flora and fauna of our world in a quest for ‘development’. We need to stop and think, before it’s too late!

Everyone has doubts, we just need to work out whether we can overcome them or not!

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Why? (more random thoughts)

Why do we all feel the need to try to be something we’re not?
Especially in the looks department. Why are the only people deemed to be beautiful those that grace the covers of magazines and that quite frankly look like they need a decent meal inside them. Ladies just because you aren’t a size zero does not mean you’re ugly, and men don’t fret about not looking like the latest James Bond or Doctor Who. It’s what’s inside that counts. True beauty comes from within, a beautiful soul can make the plainest Jane a supermodel. We’re all different and we’re all built differently – embrace it!

Why can’t magazines and catalogues show the clothes being worn be real people?
OK, so I know only beautiful people can sell clothes, but honestly it would be much more realistic to show what us ordinary Joe’s on the street would look like wearing this seasons must-have. Skinny jeans are not a good look on 99% of the population!

Why can’t clothes manufacturers/designers do the world a favour and STOP making tops with hoods on?
It’s not that difficult to omit the hood from the pattern. Cheaper, less material being used. And how much safer would everyone feel walking the streets not having to avoid youngsters wearing hoods – after all they could be harmless! Even with baby clothes all the cardigans and jumpers seem to have hoods on…Why? If it’s cold wear a hat!

Why can’t people at petrol stations realise that the hoses stretch?
So instead of causing a major league traffic jam/blockage on the forecourt by insisting on queuing at the first pump by the entrance on the side where your petrol cap is, pick ANY pump (OK I’ll accept the argument about different types of petrol, I’ve been caught out and paid for super-duper 5-star graded diesel!). Most hoses are designed these days so they extend and can be manoeuvred over, or round, your car to get to the petrol cap.

Why do people drive with their fog lights on when it’s not foggy?
Surely they have to press a special button for their fog lights, I know I do. Also most cars have a light on the dashboard to indicate fog lights are on. Please, please, please don’t. It’s a nightmare for the person behind. When it’s not foggy and you’re following someone with their fog lights on it makes driving very difficult – dazzling one could say!

Why can’t adults involved in social activities behave like adults?
There at it everywhere. Any social activity you can think of and they throw their teddies out of the pram at the drop of the hat. Behaving worse than toddlers. Would these people behave like that at their place of work, or would they be happy if their children exhibited this behaviour? I don’t think so. Grow up and don’t spoil it for everyone else! It’s a hobby – which means you do it for fun!

Why does Britain grind to a standstill in bad weather?
OK, so we don’t normally have several feet of the white stuff in the UK. However, most years we experience some amount of snowfall, but even half an inch seems to send the country into some sort of frenzy and nothing moves.

Talking of weather, why is it a British pastime to constantly moan about the weather?
If it’s hot, it’s too hot. If it rains, it’s too wet. I say enjoy the hot weather (we don’t get it that often), get used to the rain and invest in a good pair of wellies, only use your fog lights in dense fog, and if it’s cold buy a warm coat and a pair of thermal gloves!

Why can’t politicians give a straight answer to a straight question?
No matter what party, red, yellow, blue, green or purple with bright pink spots they never give a straight answer. Wouldn’t it be refreshing to hear a politician tell the truth?

Why do traffic wardens act the way they do?
Is it the uniform? Is it a power-kick? Or is it really to do with getting revenue? Now there are some parking violations that are agreeably definitely worth ticketing, but being 2 minutes over your allotted hour is not. Please kind traffic wardens there is such a thing as discretion. My worst experience was when I was out with my mum, who is disabled, and we pulled onto a double yellow (most places will let blue badges park there, I believe), behind a disabled bay as the person in the said bay looked as though they were going to be moving off. I didn’t turn off my engine, or switch off my indicator. Only to find a zealous traffic warden proceeding to take a photo of my car in order to give a ticket. He didn’t even want to listen when I explained – he did ask the car in front if he was going and when I was told he wasn’t I moved off. But I ask you!!!!  However, just in case you didn’t know if you park in a 1 hour spot you actually have an hour from when the traffic warden notices your car – and I got that straight from the horse’s mouth, so to speak!

Why do people without disabilities think that it’s OK to park in a disabled bay?
I really hate when people do this. Whether you’re stopping for 2 minutes or 2 hours it is never OK to park in a disabled bay if you are not actually entitled too – that includes wrongfully using your spouses/parents card if they are not with you. It’s just sheer laziness. If you want the space have the disability.

Why does the fact that I don’t drink alcohol seem to be difficult for people to understand and accept? It’s quite simple actually – I don’t like it. Enough said, I think.

Why do I worry about so many things?

Why should I give a monkeys about what other people think?

 

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