Tag Archives: why

How do children learn to bully?

It’s an interesting question, isn’t it?

Children must learn it from somewhere!

And how young do these bullying tendencies appear?

Now, I know that no child is an angel, my own included, and that at some point they will inevitably make mistakes, and push and shove their counterparts. But, what is it that turns that innocent push into a relentless tirade of physical and verbal abuse?

Why do children bully and where do they learn it?

The first part is easy to answer.

Bullies bully out of jealousy! Pure and simple, jealousy is what it all boils down too.

So the person that puts you down and says you are no good at what you do, is saying it because they are jealous that they cannot do what you do.

The big kid that picks on the new kid on the block does so to prove they are top dog, but underneath there is a jealousy that maybe the new kid has more loving parents than they have, or the new kid has better clothes, etc.

I was bullied. I cannot remember minute details, but the scars have run so deep, I have no memories of secondary school at all.

I was bullied because I was different. I went to an all-girls school and because I was preferred the Arts to make-up and boys, I was easy prey. Looking back, it was probably out of jealousy because I wasn’t ‘one of the crowd’, I wasn’t ‘a sheep’, I had my own mind and stuck to it, did not bow to peer pressure.

But how do children learn to bully?

Is it from parents, the television, media? What?

That’s the bit that I don’t understand.

The reason for this question is because SC is having a bad time at the moment. I’ve written before about how he’s been hit, kicked, pushed, punched, etc pretty much every week since he started school. But in these last few weeks, he has not wanted to go to school, at all!

Every morning he wakes up and states “I’m not going to school today!”

Every time I ask why, he says it’s because people are unkind. I hasten to add, after further questioning, it is not everyone, but merely 1 or 2 children that seem to have it in for him.

And it’s always the same 2.

Now, I have spoken to another mother whose son seems to back up SC’s claim, and that 1 of the children involved is particularly vile to everyone (to look at him butter wouldn’t melt, but then isn’t that always the way?), but is especially vile to SC.

I have no idea what to do?

I certainly don’t want SC hating going to school – at the moment he is well above his peers in his level of learning (this is probably the underlying root of the problem), and has admitted he is also bored at school, “it’s too easy!” – but the more he says he doesn’t want to go to school, his reaction will be to shut down, switch off, and then all his potential (of which he, and every other child, has an enormous amount of) will be gone. He just won’t want to learn.

I have sniffed out the possibility of him going to another school, but I don’t want to make a knee-jerk reaction.

I know, more than anyone, that there will be nice and nasty children at any school, they will just have different names and different faces. And I have said as much to SC.

Yesterday, he was adamant he didn’t want to go to school and sat in bed shouting “I don’t ever want to go to that school again! I want to go to School X” – he even told 2 boys that he was leaving school, and then they went and told the teacher (snitches!). When his teacher asked him about this SC said that “mummy said I could!” (oops!)

So there is obviously a problem, but schools don’t like to admit this, let alone do anything about it.

I know a lot of parents tell there kids to fight back, however, I have a big problem with this.

a) if SC hits back, he is no better than the bully, and more likely the bully will go running of to the teacher and tell a pack of lies, so SC gets into trouble.

and

b) violence escalates. If I hit you, you hit me, I get a stick, you get a stick, I get a knife, you get a knife, etc. Where does it all end?

My advice to SC has always been, just walk away. Don’t let anyone see you are upset, just walk away. If you walk away and don’t react, the bully will get bored.

I don’t like violence, I don’t want to bring SC up to thinking the only way to get out of a situation is to use his fists. There are other ways.

Bullying was bad enough when it was me. How do I protect my son? I don’t want him going through the next 12 years of schooling afraid of being himself. I want him to enjoy learning and going to school, not hate every single minute so that all his childhood memories are warped by the horridness – if that makes sense.

So I ask the questions again how do children learn to bully?

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Why? (more random thoughts)

Why do we all feel the need to try to be something we’re not?
Especially in the looks department. Why are the only people deemed to be beautiful those that grace the covers of magazines and that quite frankly look like they need a decent meal inside them. Ladies just because you aren’t a size zero does not mean you’re ugly, and men don’t fret about not looking like the latest James Bond or Doctor Who. It’s what’s inside that counts. True beauty comes from within, a beautiful soul can make the plainest Jane a supermodel. We’re all different and we’re all built differently – embrace it!

Why can’t magazines and catalogues show the clothes being worn be real people?
OK, so I know only beautiful people can sell clothes, but honestly it would be much more realistic to show what us ordinary Joe’s on the street would look like wearing this seasons must-have. Skinny jeans are not a good look on 99% of the population!

Why can’t clothes manufacturers/designers do the world a favour and STOP making tops with hoods on?
It’s not that difficult to omit the hood from the pattern. Cheaper, less material being used. And how much safer would everyone feel walking the streets not having to avoid youngsters wearing hoods – after all they could be harmless! Even with baby clothes all the cardigans and jumpers seem to have hoods on…Why? If it’s cold wear a hat!

Why can’t people at petrol stations realise that the hoses stretch?
So instead of causing a major league traffic jam/blockage on the forecourt by insisting on queuing at the first pump by the entrance on the side where your petrol cap is, pick ANY pump (OK I’ll accept the argument about different types of petrol, I’ve been caught out and paid for super-duper 5-star graded diesel!). Most hoses are designed these days so they extend and can be manoeuvred over, or round, your car to get to the petrol cap.

Why do people drive with their fog lights on when it’s not foggy?
Surely they have to press a special button for their fog lights, I know I do. Also most cars have a light on the dashboard to indicate fog lights are on. Please, please, please don’t. It’s a nightmare for the person behind. When it’s not foggy and you’re following someone with their fog lights on it makes driving very difficult – dazzling one could say!

Why can’t adults involved in social activities behave like adults?
There at it everywhere. Any social activity you can think of and they throw their teddies out of the pram at the drop of the hat. Behaving worse than toddlers. Would these people behave like that at their place of work, or would they be happy if their children exhibited this behaviour? I don’t think so. Grow up and don’t spoil it for everyone else! It’s a hobby – which means you do it for fun!

Why does Britain grind to a standstill in bad weather?
OK, so we don’t normally have several feet of the white stuff in the UK. However, most years we experience some amount of snowfall, but even half an inch seems to send the country into some sort of frenzy and nothing moves.

Talking of weather, why is it a British pastime to constantly moan about the weather?
If it’s hot, it’s too hot. If it rains, it’s too wet. I say enjoy the hot weather (we don’t get it that often), get used to the rain and invest in a good pair of wellies, only use your fog lights in dense fog, and if it’s cold buy a warm coat and a pair of thermal gloves!

Why can’t politicians give a straight answer to a straight question?
No matter what party, red, yellow, blue, green or purple with bright pink spots they never give a straight answer. Wouldn’t it be refreshing to hear a politician tell the truth?

Why do traffic wardens act the way they do?
Is it the uniform? Is it a power-kick? Or is it really to do with getting revenue? Now there are some parking violations that are agreeably definitely worth ticketing, but being 2 minutes over your allotted hour is not. Please kind traffic wardens there is such a thing as discretion. My worst experience was when I was out with my mum, who is disabled, and we pulled onto a double yellow (most places will let blue badges park there, I believe), behind a disabled bay as the person in the said bay looked as though they were going to be moving off. I didn’t turn off my engine, or switch off my indicator. Only to find a zealous traffic warden proceeding to take a photo of my car in order to give a ticket. He didn’t even want to listen when I explained – he did ask the car in front if he was going and when I was told he wasn’t I moved off. But I ask you!!!!  However, just in case you didn’t know if you park in a 1 hour spot you actually have an hour from when the traffic warden notices your car – and I got that straight from the horse’s mouth, so to speak!

Why do people without disabilities think that it’s OK to park in a disabled bay?
I really hate when people do this. Whether you’re stopping for 2 minutes or 2 hours it is never OK to park in a disabled bay if you are not actually entitled too – that includes wrongfully using your spouses/parents card if they are not with you. It’s just sheer laziness. If you want the space have the disability.

Why does the fact that I don’t drink alcohol seem to be difficult for people to understand and accept? It’s quite simple actually – I don’t like it. Enough said, I think.

Why do I worry about so many things?

Why should I give a monkeys about what other people think?

 

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