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Love is … like stepping off a cliff

You stand there, teetering on the edge wondering whether or not to take the leap.

You’re teetering because you are unsure, scared (after all what if you’ve read the signals wrongly), maybe you have some unfinished business before you can jump.

But what of the person standing next to you?

They may be just as scared and confused as you. Scared about jumping in case they get hurt again and confused because of the mixed signals they are getting from you and don’t know how to suppress their own growing feelings for you.

I’ve been listening to a song recently called ‘In Whatever Time we Have’ from Children of Eden. It’s got some very powerful lyrics and totally akin to standing on the edge of a cliff wondering whether to jump…

‘If at times we are afraid, with so little to believe in. It’s alright to feel afraid, I will hold you in the dark. We could live a hundred years, or the world could end tomorrow, But we know we’ll be together in whatever time we have!’

It’s OK to be scared, but think of the person standing next to you too.

Be honest with them about how you feel. After all if you have no intention of jumping then is it fair to leave them teetering, with all those feelings growing inside them?

If you are going to jump. Take their hand in yours and don’t ever let go. Tell them how you feel in no uncertain terms. Then jump! With both feet and enjoy it 🙂

But watch out for that first step…it’s quite a tumble 😉

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I’ll tell you what I want … What I really, really want

Now, I know that “I want” never gets, as I’m forever telling SC.

But, in my life there’s a fine line between what I wanted and what I got!

Yes, I am blessed with SC, and I forever thankful of that, but other things always seem out of reach. So here’s what I want:

I want a life filled with love and laughter.

I have this silly picture in my mind of my home – with me, my knight and our family. Laughter and happiness abound, but above all when the welcoming front door is opened you are hit with an intense feeling of warmth and love.

I’m not such a fool to think that it is all fabulous. I know there will be heartache along the way, but at least I won’t be alone in fighting the demons that come a’knocking!

I want a home filled with noise and music.

I am a naturally loud person, something SC has inherited. I can’t help it. My parents say I talk as if I was on the National Theatre stage trying to reach deaf old Aunt Ada at the back, whereas Mr Wrong No. 1 always ‘had a go’ at me for ‘projecting’. Like I say, I’ve got a loud voice – far too many years on the stage darrrrling!

My parents like quiet, so it’s always tense in the house, as I’m trying to keep SC’s noise levels to a minimum (maybe that’s way I’m such a stressed out mummy?).

As far as I’m concerned, noise is good – I know there are times when silence can, indeed, be golden and a welcome break – but in my experience a noisy home, is generally a happy one!

In my ‘dream’ our home would be full of noise – happy noise and music.

When SC was a baby, and we were alone in the house, I used to crank up the stereo, and we would have a marvellous time – I would have him in my arms and we would dance around with me belting out show tunes (which are a particular favourite of mine)

As far as I’m concerned, music is essential for a happy home – it can instantly lighten the mood 😉

To be honest, I’m happy to listen to anything. I never say never to listening to something new – although I do have a soft spot for show tunes (as I mentioned) and cheesy 80s pop music 😉

Finally, I want a knight in shining armour.

I don’t want a troll under the bridge – had enough of those to last me several lifetimes, thank you.

I don’t want to be messed around. I don’t want to be a convenient intermission whilst someone sorts out their problems. I don’t want to be led up the garden path with promises only for it to all be smashed in my face again, as the other party walks away laughing and I’m left to pick up the pieces of my life once more. I don’t want to be a rehearsal for someone until they decide they’re going to marry an internet bride. Shall I go on?

I know knights don’t really exist. I don’t even want “diamond sunbursts or marble halls”. I just want someone kind, caring, honest and true. Someone that I can laugh with, talk to and who can be my best friend.

Is that too much to ask?

My knight in shining armour not only has to fall in love with me though, but he has to love children and want to have a family.

I come as a package deal you see – you get me and SC. I like to think of it as  BOGOF offer 😉

He’s going to have to be able to step in and become a stable male role model to SC ( as well as any others we may be blessed with).

It’s a big ask of anyone to take on someone else’s child and help raise him. I know, my last 2 disasters have both involved me being typecast as the wicked stepmother. I know I am not cut out for it, but in some ways I feel it’s harder for a woman, than it is for a man.

So my knight will have to be very special indeed as I’m not a stereotypical single mother who will introduce her child to a different ‘uncle’ when the weather changes.

I want a family for keeps!

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