Tag Archives: thoughts

A-Z of Life – Insecurities

insecuritiesThose little niggles that we all get that we are not good enough, or we’ve done something wrong but we don’t know what (or is that just me?).

Those little worries that just sit there quietly eating away at all the other thoughts in your head.

Until they grow so large they are all you can think of and not only that but they are completely true and you aren’t good enough, and it’s always your fault.

Annoying, aren’t they?

But how do you conquer those little niggling doubts inside your head?

Is it possible?

More importantly though, do you want to?

Personally, I think that if you want to get rid of them, it’s most definitely possible. After all, as Buddha said:

What you think, you become.

What you feel, you attract.

What you imagine, you create.

So, if all you can think and dwell on are insecurities, the wrongs people have done you, etc, etc, etc, then all you attract is more of the bad stuff and none of the good stuff.

But how do you change?

Well, it’s not easy, but it does all start with that very question.

If you know you want things to change, and you know you have to change in order to make that happen, then believe me, you are on the road there.

I have come full circle.

When I was little no one was ever going to beat me – at anything.

And then life happened and I let life beat me. I let everything else control me, but me. I clammed up and hid. I was totally afraid to show any feelings, I was never good enough for anyone, I was never good at anything and even if I showed any hint there was always someone only too willing to slap me back down into my place again.

I spent the best part of my life being afraid.

But then, a couple of years ago I had an epiphany.

It wasn’t one of those Damascene (?) epiphanies, more a case of a culmination of a whole heap of crap (for want of a better word) and me saying “STOP! I’ve had it!”

I knew I couldn’t change other people, but I sure as hell could change myself and how I reacted to certain situations.

Since reading is what I do best, I read and read anything I could get my hands on regarding personal development and changing perspectives. I’ve read about chimps, psychopaths, the universe, gratitude, psychic vibrations, etc. Some brilliant, some good and some not so good.

Little by little I managed to chip away at those in-built insecurities that had been a permanent fixture in my head for more years than I care to remember.

And you know what?

I’ve come to like myself again. I may not be to everyone’s cup of tea, but I’m mine.

I’ve realised that I have a right to be here, just as much as anyone else, and I don’t need to excuse my presence to anyone, especially not me.

What ever happened in the past is exactly where it needs to stay. Firmly in the past. I have learned from everything that has happened to try to make myself a better human being. By forgiving others and equally forgiving myself has lifted that feeling of eternal guilt that I am always in the wrong.

I am responsible for my own happiness, no one else is.

I have learned that I cannot control anything else apart from my actions – and if truth be told, that’s quite a scary one to learn, especially as I don’t like the feeling of uncertainty – but I take a deep breath and enjoy those opportunities and curve balls. After all the fun is in the journey.

I have learned that worrying doesn’t solve anything. It actually makes things worse. By worrying we create problems out of nothing. And going back to Buddha if we are feeling worried, insecure and not in a good place nothing good will come into our lives.

They’ll never completely go away, the fear and insecurities, but by flipping my thinking I have now learned that they are merely opportunities in disguise. A further chance for me grow by casting the ghosts of insecurities past aside and simply trusting.

Never mind Peter Pan saying “to die will be an awfully big adventure”, living is the biggest adventure of all.

Life is amazing.

Life can be wonderful, if we just stop worrying, start trusting, start believing and more importantly love.

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A-Z of Life – Faith

faithDon’t worry, I’m not going to write about religion … that kind of faith.

Rather I’m going to witter on about the other definition of the word.

Faith – complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

Previously in the life of this Wonderful Geekette I was too sceptical (what do they want from me?), too judgmental (who do they think they are?), too critical (how dare you?) and too untrusting (I don’t believe you!).

Based purely on life experiences that had led me to believe, rightly or wrongly, that other people were always going to hurt, misuse and abuse me – for want of a better expression – in one way or another if I let them get close.

And, as for me I never even had faith in me, either my own abilities or opinions.

So I just hid away behind my brick wall of safety that I built up around me, letting life pass me by. Afraid of everything and everyone, because each time I did poke my nose above the parapet to take a sniff at the outside world something and/or someone would have me diving back for cover and building yet another layer on the wall.

But then, a couple of years ago (as I’ve said many times), I knew I had to get my act together.

To quote Anne of Green Gables “you’ve shut out life … and now life is shutting you out.” And I was, by hiding away I was shutting out life and doing nothing but existing.

One of the many self-help books I read basically repeated the time old saying that our thoughts become reality and we become what we think.

And I didn’t want to end up that sad, mad (well, no crazier than normal), bitter and twisted old biddy with no kind word to say about anything or anyone – believe me, I think I was on that road.

More importantly, I didn’t want my lack of faith in humanity rubbing off on SC.

So, like everything else I have done over the last couple of years to get from where I was to my present state I have had to start trusting and believing in life and people.

I have learned that life will have ups and downs, but the downs will only make you down if you let them.

I have learned to take the downs as lessons that I can learn from and grow and have faith that there is something better for me down the road.

I have learned to trust other people, although I’m still a little unsure and it takes me a while to fully open up. And by putting my trust in them I know that sometimes I may be proved wrong, but if that happens then I can’t change anything, so as they say I “don’t even worry about it!”

I have learned that not everyone will understand me and not everyone will like me. I get that now, so I’ve given up trying to please everyone, the only person I try to please is me.

I have learned to have faith, that the world is not so scary and that life is an adventure to be lived.

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Forget those 3 little words – it’s 6 words that tell a story!

I’m a big fan of the writer Paul Coelho (The Alchemist, Veronika Decides to Die, 11 Minutes, etc). Haven’t got all his books, but have read quite a few. I’ve just finished re-reading “The Alchemist”, digging out Manual of the Warrior Light next to re-read. (Best pop some more on my birthday wish list)

Anyway, he wrote that it only takes 6 words to tell a story. So here are a couple of mine:

  • Waiting, always waiting. That’s my problem.
  • I have faith & hope, nothing else!
  • The past is in the past.
  • Nice girls lose out … always!
  • Sassy single mum. Proud of it!
  • Don’t give up climbing the tree.
  • Knock me down, I bounce back!
  • I love cuddles and my PJs.
  • Life’s a rollercoaster. Enjoy the ride!
  • I trust you. Don’t disappoint me.
  • I’m thankful and grateful every day.

Your turn 😉

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A-Z of Life – Energy

energyEnergy!

Sometimes don’t you wish you could just jump out of bed at 5 in the morning full of vim and vigour ready to start the day, instead of hitting the snooze button for just a few moments longer whilst you go back to that wonderful dream?

But that’s not really the type of energy I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the life energy you give off in your daily lives.

It is said that we are but mirror images of our innermost thoughts and that we receive what we give.

Sounds crazy, right?

Think about it though.

We’ve all had one of ‘those’ days – you know the one where anything that could go wrong … goes wrong!

Is it just because we’ve run into a spell of bad luck, or is it merely that one stroke of misfortune has turned your life energy for the day from positive to negative and so nothing seems to go right afterwards?

So, thinking forward from that one unfortunate incident, if we let that mar our thoughts then we are emitting nothing but negative energy and therefore will attract more negativity into our lives.

Thinking about it another way – have you ever been out with friends and one friend has done nothing but moan and whine about how awful things are, etc.?   Don’t you feel exhausted after leaving? That’s the result of all your positive energy being drained by so much negativity.

I will admit to doing my fair share of whining … in the past (and I most definitely mean in the past) and now I actually can feel positive energy being sucked out of me if someone is doing nothing but moaning (my crystals are definitely earning their keep in the house I can tell you – sometimes it’s Moan Central!) and I have to either meditate or stroll outside to reconnect my positive energy with the universe. (OMG! Now I sound like some complete nut-job!)

And with all those negative vibes you are emitting you will attract other people on the same negative wavelength – don’t I know that! (But moving swiftly on …)

As you know I’ve crossed the stream from negative to positive over the last couple of years and let me tell you life has never felt so good.

Just by thinking that cup is always full, being grateful and thankful for each and day, thinking positively about every situation that life throws at me (even if it’s not that positive I just flip it to make it so) and generally having a much rosier outlook on life (and that doesn’t necessarily mean looking through rose-tinted glasses) life is exciting.

Life is an adventure.

Life is always full of surprises.

So next time life throws you a bum-deal, try not to get down, just try to think of a positive about the situation and your day will get infinitely better.

As they say “one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.”

So smile 😉

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30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

This blog entry turned up in my reader, via Lesley at “Bucket List Publications”

This post is definitely ”share-worthy” and it is one of those that you think “I wish I’d written it”, so powerful is its message. Many of us have heard the phrase “bucket list”, I myself have a list of things I’d like to do, sometimes, but this post goes one step further by creating a bucket list lifestyle which encompasses treating yourself right and learning from your mistakes. This post is a great reflection of those lessons.

Is there one of these that you do often? Are there several? Let’s let the good things catch up. There are several I regularly do and shouldn’t!

Written by “Mark and Angel Hack Life” – 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself and there’s a follow-up post 30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself

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Friday Poem – I Speak Not

“I Speak Not”, a poem by Lord George Gordon Byron one of the leading figures in the Romantic Movement!

 

I Speak Not

I speak not, I trace not, I breathe not thy name;
There is grief in the sound, there is guilt in the fame;
But the tear that now burns on my cheek may impart
The deep thoughts that dwell in that silence of heart.
Too brief for our passion, too long for our peace,
Were those hours – can their joy or their bitterness cease?
We repent, we abjure, we will break from our chain, –
We will part, we will fly to – unite it again!
Oh! thine be the gladness, and mine be the guilt!
Forgive me, adored one! – forsake if thou wilt;
But the heart which is thine shall expire undebased,
And man shall not break it – whatever thou may’st.
And stern to the haughty, but humble to thee,
This soul in its bitterest blackness shall be;
And our days seem as swift, and our moments more sweet,
With thee at my side, than with worlds at our feet.
One sigh of thy sorrow, one look of thy love,
Shall turn me or fix, shall reward or reprove.
And the heartless may wonder at all I resign –
Thy lips shall reply, not to them, but to mine.

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Out of the Mouthes of Babes – Rainbows

“Mummy, I know how rainbows are made?” said SC as we were in the car yesterday.rainbow

“How’s that then?” I replied, wondering whether I would be stunned by his physics knowledge about refracting light through raindrops, etc.

“There’s glue in the sky!”

“I’m sorry, did you say there’s blue in the sky?” I asked, as he had mumbled beneath the din of the CD which at the time was playing “Rock the Casbah” (one of his favourites) and I wasn’t sure what he had said.

“No mummy, there’s glue in the sky, and then what happens is all the raindrops stick to the glue and make a rainbow.”

What a lovely thought, why didn’t I think of that? 😉

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