Tag Archives: thinking

What are the best ‘self-help’ books you have read?

I know, I know. People who read so-called ‘self-help’ books are the people who want to do something, but never get round to actually doing it.

But I did 😉

However, I don’t there is just 1 ‘self-help’ guide out there to fix all the problems – after much research, reading and soul searching the answer lies with us.  But as a complete book geekette I find that books help put things into perspective, if I’m feeling something but don’t know why, if I can find an answer in a book I can generally then try identify what I’ve read with my own feelings and work things out (if that makes any sense whatsoever?)

And like I said, there’s more than 1 book out there, and over the last couple of years, I’ve read loads.  There are some that have struck more chords than others, and some that I picked up and immediately put back down again!

These are probably my Top 3:

3.  The Chimp Paradox by Dr Mike Peters

I wrote a blog about this book way back in 2013 (“Me & My Chimp” – just re-published it) and since writing the post ‘Charlie’ and I have in general sorted out our differences.  Sometimes he raises his naughty little head and starts whispering negative thoughts into my brain, but these day I just try to ignore him.

The book, without going into too much detail – after all it’s all in the previous post – details how those annoying little self-doubt voices you hear in your head are just akin to a chimp lodging in your brain. And if you take notice of them, you feed them and they become bigger and stronger until they pretty much rule your life.

So, as the signs at the zoo keep reminding us “Do Not Feed the Chimps!”

2.  The Good Psychopath’s Guide to Success by Dr Kevin Dutton & Andy McNab

… or “How to use your inner psychopath to get the most out of life.”  And no, that doesn’t mean you have to turn into Hannibal Lecter or Norman Bates!

Effectively, the gist of the book is that everyone has psychopathic qualities, such as fearlessness, empathy, and decisiveness, etc., and if we think of them as dials on a radio they get turned up and down as we need them to get the best out of any situation. (Note, a bad psychopath has the dials turned up to maximum permanently!)  They explain that top lawyers and surgeons have these ‘good’ psychopathic tendencies to do the job they need to do with the least emotion possible – and having experienced the legal system, I’d have been a terrible lawyer, I am way too emotional!

But what the man in the street needs to do is tune in to these dials and alter the frequency as and when they need to help them out.  There is a sequel which actually takes all the qualities and shows you how to put them to use in every day situations – “Sorted – The Good Psychopath’s Guide to Bossing Your Life”

And my Number 1 is a book I randomly picked off the shelf in the library (really must buy my own copy) called “Flip It” by Michael Heppell.

It’s basic premise is to pretty much take every situation and just flip it from the negative to the positive to energise your actions and ensure you get the best out of any situation.

It’s full of tips and exercises and is truly eye-opening.

So my new mantra for anything I encounter these days that gives me a headache is to either flip it or f**k it (which incidentally is the name of another self-help book 😉 )

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Stratospheric Stress Levels

Jeez!Not_Waving_But_Drowning

I seriously didn’t think I could be any more of a stress bunny.

But it seems I can.

I know I think way too much than is necessary and this is always bad for me.

I really thought that once I’d told put the wheels in motion to exit my contract the weight would magically lift off my shoulders.

But no!

I still feel that I’m sinking? No matter what I try to do to scrape my way back up to the surface, it’s never good enough, or doesn’t seem to work!

And all the while I feel more and more stressed and panicky to the point of complete, utter and overwhelming nausea! We don’t even mention what it’s doing to my skin, or my hormones!!!

Literally.

I seriously think even 12 months sitting atop a mountain practising chants would not be enough 😉

Still, ever the optimist the glass is always half full, and the stress is only temporary.

I might feel like I’m drowning at the moment, but soon I’ll be waving again 😉

 

Not Waving but Drowning (Stevie Smith)

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he’s dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

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The Psychology of Me

Psychology is all about studying how we think, feel and act.

So I thought it might be quite amusing to try to work out the psychology of me!

 

I think too much. I feel too much. I act too little.

I think with my soul. I feel with my heart. I act with my conscience.

I think kind thoughts. I feel compassion. I act with empathy.

I think of love. I feel hurt. I act like I don’t care.

I think of life. I feel time passing too quickly. I act too slowly.

I think of work. I feel stressed. I act upon my instincts.

I think of the future. I feel afraid. I act to protect myself.

I think of fun. I feel happy. I act like a child.

I think of people who have hurt me. I feel abused. I act like a victim.

I think of family. I feel blessed. I act grateful.

I think of you. I feel alive. I can act as myself.

I think of happiness. I feel blessed. I act positive.

I think of life. I feel glad. I act happy.

 

But what I think, feel and act, sometimes are at complete odds with each other – because:

I’m the girl that smiles even when I’m broken.

I’m the girl that thinks of others, even when I have no one.

I’m the girl who trusts too much in the hope that one day someone will not let me down.

I’m the girl who acts as if she hasn’t a care in the world, when actually I’m worried to the pit of my stomach about everything.

I’m the girl who looks strong, but would easily break.

But I’m the girl who picks herself up every time she falls.

 

 

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How Men & Women Think!

I got sent this and thought it very amusing 😉

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

WOMAN’S DIARY

28 July 2007 Saturday

Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely.

I’d been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and was a bit late meeting him. I thought it might be that.
The bar was really crowded and loud, so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.
He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we went somewhere nice to eat.
All through dinner he just didn’t seem himself – he hardly laughed and didn’t seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying, I just knew that something was wrong.
He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in. He hesitated but followed.
I asked him what was wrong, but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.
After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile.
He didn’t follow me up immediately but came up later and, to my surprise, we made love – but he still seemed distant and a bit cold.
I cried myself to sleep. I think he’s planning to leave me. Maybe he’s found someone else.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

MAN’S DIARY

Saturday 28 July

United lost.

Gutted.

Got a shag though!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Goodness! No wonder research has discovered that women use many more words, and talk more than men 😉

Although she does sound a bit needy to me!

I would have thought he’d had a bad day at the office and will tell me as and when he decides to come out of his cave, if he wants to – doesn’t mean I wouldn’t care that he was sad. I certainly wouldn’t think he was planning to leave though!

I firmly believe that a trouble shared is a trouble halved, and sometimes when we get stressed about anything, it can help to have someone to talk too. Even if they can’t help with the problem, at least you don’t feel as if you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.

That’s why communication with partners is, in my opinion, vital for a healthy relationship.

We all need our own “cave time” occasionally, but if both sides knows that the other is there and will always listen with an open mind and heart should it be necessary, then silly little things will never get blown up out of all proportions.

 

 

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WYSIWYG

I always wondered what the acronym meant when I was younger, and my dad told me it stood for ‘what you see is what you get’.

Having feebly attempted to run my own businesses, this little acronym is of vital importance. There’s no point having a name, or a tagline that does not say what you do in a micro-second, because that’s all potential customers give you to make up their minds.

Effectively, you need to think of Ronseal’s tagline – “Does exactly what it says on the tin!”

I also think it’s important to be like this in life as well.

These days it’s all very much false this and false that – eyelashes, tan, hair, boobs, bums, I could go on, there’s stuff to suck you in, push you out and up. But all it does is create a false illusion – and what happens when all the falseness is stripped away?

I will admit to having false eyelashes in my make-up box – but I only ever use them on stage. I also have hair-pieces and wigs – but again the only time the big false hair-pieces or wigs get an outing is on stage. I sometimes wear the smaller ‘hair scrunchie’ pieces if I’m going out, am running out of time and my hair is not going to behave in a month of Sunday’s let alone 5 minutes!

I am very much a ‘what you see is what you get’ kinda gal.

I have no sides. I have no hidden agendas.

I don’t lie. I will tell the truth.

I am open about my feelings. This is why I get hurt.

I think way too much – more than is good for ‘a bear of very little brain’ 😉

I talk too much – most of it complete rubbish 😉

I am a complete whirlwind of chaos! Disorganised, scatty, and always on the go!

I do not relax and am always stressed about something.

I am a good listener to other people’s problems, but always bottle my own up – this does not help the stress levels!

I am always there for my friends and family – and will go out of my way to help anyone.

I am very child-like in many ways and this gets me into trouble because I will apply child-logic and just ask ‘why not?’

I dream.

I have dreams.

And I always have hope 😉

 

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How to be an idiot in 1 easy step …

think too much, that’s how!

I’m guilty of thinking way too much. Should really stop thinking and just go with the flow.

Que sera, sera, etc!

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Where do you do your best thinking?

Not only do I love a hot, steamy shower, but I find it’s where I do my best thinking.

Not only does the shower (especially a super power-shower) pummel and wash away all the stress of the day but my brain cells get a good workout at the same time.

Not just “Eureka!” moments, when I think of a nifty way to solve a problem, but all kinds of things, like conversations I should have had, questions I’d like to know the answers to, dreams that I wish would happen or even just giving myself a darn good talking to for being so stupid!

You know, stuff like:

Why do I let stuff get to me? (Imaginary conversation replies with “don’t be such a wally and don’t even worry about anything!)

Why do people lack common sense these days? Life is not difficult if you apply common sense! (Imaginary conversation suggests not to worry)

What can I do to improve my business prospects? (The Imaginary Conversation Board (me, myself and I) are still in conference about this – they will report back with a 5000 page analysis eventually!)

How can I make more money? (I’m sure everyone has this thought going round their heads – again imaginary conversation is brainstorming as we speak and will get back to me with suitably crazy schemes in due course)

How would I spend a win on the lottery? (don’t get me started on my conspiracy theory on this one – imaginary conversation dreams of a cottage by the sea, a garden with a big tree and a thinking bench underneath, a VW Camper Van with surfboards strapped to the top, sunshine, etc., etc., etc.)

Where should I go on holiday? (Imaginary conversation conjures up road trips, exotic rail journeys, space camp, surf school, sunshine and far away places)

How can anyone charge over £300 for a very simple sundress that quite frankly probably only took half a day to knock up? I’m in the wrong business and shall find my sewing machine to start practising forthwith! (Imaginary conversation reminds me that I’m not the best seamstress in the world, but it’s sure even I could knock up a sundress!)

Lists – I go over things I need to do, things I’d love to do, all the time. They never get done. (Imaginary conversation starts list, then laughs, tries to start again and reminds me I already have lists upon lists that are growing longer!)

I spend a lot of time in the shower, just thinking about this and that and having imaginary conversations!

But I do get out of the shower thoroughly refreshed, rejuvenated and looking at things in a more positive frame of mind

Does this make me quirky?

Where do you do your best thinking?

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