Tag Archives: the a-z of life

A-Z of Life – Insecurities

insecuritiesThose little niggles that we all get that we are not good enough, or we’ve done something wrong but we don’t know what (or is that just me?).

Those little worries that just sit there quietly eating away at all the other thoughts in your head.

Until they grow so large they are all you can think of and not only that but they are completely true and you aren’t good enough, and it’s always your fault.

Annoying, aren’t they?

But how do you conquer those little niggling doubts inside your head?

Is it possible?

More importantly though, do you want to?

Personally, I think that if you want to get rid of them, it’s most definitely possible. After all, as Buddha said:

What you think, you become.

What you feel, you attract.

What you imagine, you create.

So, if all you can think and dwell on are insecurities, the wrongs people have done you, etc, etc, etc, then all you attract is more of the bad stuff and none of the good stuff.

But how do you change?

Well, it’s not easy, but it does all start with that very question.

If you know you want things to change, and you know you have to change in order to make that happen, then believe me, you are on the road there.

I have come full circle.

When I was little no one was ever going to beat me – at anything.

And then life happened and I let life beat me. I let everything else control me, but me. I clammed up and hid. I was totally afraid to show any feelings, I was never good enough for anyone, I was never good at anything and even if I showed any hint there was always someone only too willing to slap me back down into my place again.

I spent the best part of my life being afraid.

But then, a couple of years ago I had an epiphany.

It wasn’t one of those Damascene (?) epiphanies, more a case of a culmination of a whole heap of crap (for want of a better word) and me saying “STOP! I’ve had it!”

I knew I couldn’t change other people, but I sure as hell could change myself and how I reacted to certain situations.

Since reading is what I do best, I read and read anything I could get my hands on regarding personal development and changing perspectives. I’ve read about chimps, psychopaths, the universe, gratitude, psychic vibrations, etc. Some brilliant, some good and some not so good.

Little by little I managed to chip away at those in-built insecurities that had been a permanent fixture in my head for more years than I care to remember.

And you know what?

I’ve come to like myself again. I may not be to everyone’s cup of tea, but I’m mine.

I’ve realised that I have a right to be here, just as much as anyone else, and I don’t need to excuse my presence to anyone, especially not me.

What ever happened in the past is exactly where it needs to stay. Firmly in the past. I have learned from everything that has happened to try to make myself a better human being. By forgiving others and equally forgiving myself has lifted that feeling of eternal guilt that I am always in the wrong.

I am responsible for my own happiness, no one else is.

I have learned that I cannot control anything else apart from my actions – and if truth be told, that’s quite a scary one to learn, especially as I don’t like the feeling of uncertainty – but I take a deep breath and enjoy those opportunities and curve balls. After all the fun is in the journey.

I have learned that worrying doesn’t solve anything. It actually makes things worse. By worrying we create problems out of nothing. And going back to Buddha if we are feeling worried, insecure and not in a good place nothing good will come into our lives.

They’ll never completely go away, the fear and insecurities, but by flipping my thinking I have now learned that they are merely opportunities in disguise. A further chance for me grow by casting the ghosts of insecurities past aside and simply trusting.

Never mind Peter Pan saying “to die will be an awfully big adventure”, living is the biggest adventure of all.

Life is amazing.

Life can be wonderful, if we just stop worrying, start trusting, start believing and more importantly love.

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A-Z of Life – Honesty

self-honesty-freedomLet’s be honest – it’s always easier to blame other people/other circumstances for our misfortunes in life, isn’t it?

But where does that get us?

Nowhere, that’s where.

Or continually walking down a path always looking for something or someone to blame and never once looking closer to home.

But maybe we should.

Every day we always have a choice.

And those choices determine what happens in our lives. Some of it will be good and some of it will be not so good.

But, and here’s the crux of the matter, if the choice you made turns out to be not so good, then instead of looking for someone or something to blame we need to look at our actions. After all, weren’t we the one who made that particular choice?

We’ve all done it. It’s human nature. If something goes wrong it’s easier to blame circumstances or fate or luck, isn’t it?

I’ve spent a good part of my life blaming others for my ‘lot in life’ – unlucky, ugly, useless, worthless, etc. You name it, the list is pretty long.

But, over the last couple years, having been on this voyage of self-discovery I realised the ‘others’ involved may have caused an initial blip in my life (for want of a better expression), but I was then ultimately responsible for how I felt. After all, I was the one that chose to let their actions affect my life, I chose to believe I was worthless, I chose to believe that I deserved everything that was thrown at me, I chose to believe that I should be treated without respect.

“Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it!”

I looked closely at my own actions and worked hard to improve and better myself in all areas of life and these days I wake up and choose to be positive.

Because I believe in myself now.

For sure, I may still get a few wobbles and panics occasionally but I stop, tell myself to stop being so silly and as a certain song goes, always look on the bright side.

I am alive.

I am allowed to have dreams.

I deserve to be here.

I deserve to have a life.

I am worthy of life.

I am worthy of respect.

I value and know my worth.

I choose life.

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A-Z of Life – Gratitude

gratitudeGratitude – the quality of being thankful or to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

Sometimes in this world the ability to be grateful seems to pass people by.

Rather than being grateful for what they have, they grumble about what they haven’t got.

And even more simple, they just plain forget manners and never say thank you when they receive something, be it someone holding the door open, giving them a present or something more significant like a job!

It’s not difficult to be grateful. I have found that if I start the day by being grateful for what I have then my day starts on an even more positive note and I am grateful for everything that comes into my life that day – good, bad or indifferent, there’s always a reason to be grateful for it.

Here are 10 things that I am always grateful for every day (my list is a lot longer, but I whittled it down to 10 generic things):

  1. I am grateful for my health
  2. I am grateful for my friends
  3. I am grateful for my family’s love and support
  4. I am grateful for the memories
  5. I am grateful for every opportunity thrown at me
  6. I am grateful for the lessons I have learned
  7. I am grateful for SC – he is a blessing in my life
  8. I am grateful for the happiness I find in life
  9. I am grateful for my gifts and talents
  10. I am grateful for today and the wonders that lie in wait for me.

So, what are you grateful for?

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A-Z of Life – Faith

faithDon’t worry, I’m not going to write about religion … that kind of faith.

Rather I’m going to witter on about the other definition of the word.

Faith – complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

Previously in the life of this Wonderful Geekette I was too sceptical (what do they want from me?), too judgmental (who do they think they are?), too critical (how dare you?) and too untrusting (I don’t believe you!).

Based purely on life experiences that had led me to believe, rightly or wrongly, that other people were always going to hurt, misuse and abuse me – for want of a better expression – in one way or another if I let them get close.

And, as for me I never even had faith in me, either my own abilities or opinions.

So I just hid away behind my brick wall of safety that I built up around me, letting life pass me by. Afraid of everything and everyone, because each time I did poke my nose above the parapet to take a sniff at the outside world something and/or someone would have me diving back for cover and building yet another layer on the wall.

But then, a couple of years ago (as I’ve said many times), I knew I had to get my act together.

To quote Anne of Green Gables “you’ve shut out life … and now life is shutting you out.” And I was, by hiding away I was shutting out life and doing nothing but existing.

One of the many self-help books I read basically repeated the time old saying that our thoughts become reality and we become what we think.

And I didn’t want to end up that sad, mad (well, no crazier than normal), bitter and twisted old biddy with no kind word to say about anything or anyone – believe me, I think I was on that road.

More importantly, I didn’t want my lack of faith in humanity rubbing off on SC.

So, like everything else I have done over the last couple of years to get from where I was to my present state I have had to start trusting and believing in life and people.

I have learned that life will have ups and downs, but the downs will only make you down if you let them.

I have learned to take the downs as lessons that I can learn from and grow and have faith that there is something better for me down the road.

I have learned to trust other people, although I’m still a little unsure and it takes me a while to fully open up. And by putting my trust in them I know that sometimes I may be proved wrong, but if that happens then I can’t change anything, so as they say I “don’t even worry about it!”

I have learned that not everyone will understand me and not everyone will like me. I get that now, so I’ve given up trying to please everyone, the only person I try to please is me.

I have learned to have faith, that the world is not so scary and that life is an adventure to be lived.

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A-Z of Life – Energy

energyEnergy!

Sometimes don’t you wish you could just jump out of bed at 5 in the morning full of vim and vigour ready to start the day, instead of hitting the snooze button for just a few moments longer whilst you go back to that wonderful dream?

But that’s not really the type of energy I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the life energy you give off in your daily lives.

It is said that we are but mirror images of our innermost thoughts and that we receive what we give.

Sounds crazy, right?

Think about it though.

We’ve all had one of ‘those’ days – you know the one where anything that could go wrong … goes wrong!

Is it just because we’ve run into a spell of bad luck, or is it merely that one stroke of misfortune has turned your life energy for the day from positive to negative and so nothing seems to go right afterwards?

So, thinking forward from that one unfortunate incident, if we let that mar our thoughts then we are emitting nothing but negative energy and therefore will attract more negativity into our lives.

Thinking about it another way – have you ever been out with friends and one friend has done nothing but moan and whine about how awful things are, etc.?   Don’t you feel exhausted after leaving? That’s the result of all your positive energy being drained by so much negativity.

I will admit to doing my fair share of whining … in the past (and I most definitely mean in the past) and now I actually can feel positive energy being sucked out of me if someone is doing nothing but moaning (my crystals are definitely earning their keep in the house I can tell you – sometimes it’s Moan Central!) and I have to either meditate or stroll outside to reconnect my positive energy with the universe. (OMG! Now I sound like some complete nut-job!)

And with all those negative vibes you are emitting you will attract other people on the same negative wavelength – don’t I know that! (But moving swiftly on …)

As you know I’ve crossed the stream from negative to positive over the last couple of years and let me tell you life has never felt so good.

Just by thinking that cup is always full, being grateful and thankful for each and day, thinking positively about every situation that life throws at me (even if it’s not that positive I just flip it to make it so) and generally having a much rosier outlook on life (and that doesn’t necessarily mean looking through rose-tinted glasses) life is exciting.

Life is an adventure.

Life is always full of surprises.

So next time life throws you a bum-deal, try not to get down, just try to think of a positive about the situation and your day will get infinitely better.

As they say “one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.”

So smile 😉

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A-Z of Life – Disappointment

Disappointment-Quotes

We’ve all been disappointed at some point in our lives.

When we didn’t get the job we so desperately wanted, or the present wasn’t quite what we were expecting, or when things just don’t go our way.

But how we deal with the disappointments is what makes us who we are.

Disappointments can be a blessing or a lesson. Maybe the disappointment has steered us away from something that would not be good for us, or it teaches us something about ourselves.

And why do we get disappointed? Because reality doesn’t match up to our expectations.  Because we hope that things will always turn out for the best – we don’t want to think about the negative.

Even with a positive outlook on life, we can still end up disappointed.

I am always disappointed in myself. I berate myself constantly for everything that goes wrong.  Of course, these days I try to put a more positive spin on things rather than spiral downwards. But I berate myself for over-analysing, thinking too much, worrying unnecessarily, procrastinating, wanting life to be different.

I take every opportunity and curve ball that life throws at and enjoy every single minute, so that if I end up disappointed I can at least sit back and say “Ah well!” instead of “what if?”

I get disappointed when things don’t go my way and I don’t get that audition or an interview for that job I so desperately wanted, but again I have hope and tell myself that destiny has something better for me.

I have lost count of the times that men have disappointed me. The liars, cheats, two-timers, hedgers, manipulators, control freaks all took a part of my life away from me and looking back I can see that their actions always belied their words.

It has taken a long time for me to build myself back from all of that and I am now in a strong place in my life. I am still a believer that there is someone out there who will not disappoint me. Someone whose actions will speak volumes. Someone who will climb to the top of the tree and tell me that I was worth the climb.

So, don’t feel down if you feel disappointed, just hold your head up and grab onto that thing called hope 😉

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A-Z of Life – Compassion

compassionThe very definition of compassion is the sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.

But being wrapped up in our own very stressful and demanding lives we can sometimes walk by on the other side of the road.

Or we walk by not because we don’t want to help but we don’t know how, or we feel unsure that we aren’t going to get swindled or robbed by stopping.

Or worse, we see pictures of people in plight, take pity on them, but heaven forbid they come and live in my backyard type of attitude.

We are all very good it seems at dipping into our purses for huge disaster fund-raising appeals, or telethon, which is brilliant in its own way, but does compassion really have to be a huge gesture.

Sometimes an act of compassion can be something as simple as a hug, asking if someone is OK, being an ear to listen (just listen and not offer advice unless asked for) or simply respecting when someone needs time alone to gather their strength or their thoughts.

And acts of compassion can start at home, but it can be difficult.

18 months ago my mum nearly died because the doctors failed to notice she was literally filling up with fluid as her kidneys were failing. Thankfully, action was taken in the nick of time, and she’s still here.  But since then her health has deteriorated and although she’s still my mum, she’s not the woman I knew – if that makes sense.

Technically now, aside from her kidneys, which have stabilised, there is nothing wrong with her. But it has taken its toll mentally, and she has slid into that downward spiral of depression. Most days she gets up and sits in her chair – sleeping most of the time – and it is a great day if she gets dressed.

It’s certainly taken its toll on my dad, whose temper spring is wound more tightly than ever.

And some days it is difficult to find compassion when you can see that she might feel better if she actually got dressed, ate something, or tried to go outside for a breath of fresh air, but that she isn’t doing anything to help and it looks like she is just sitting there waiting to die!

But I try to show compassion by trying to understand how she must be feeling and pretty much taking over the household stuff. After all she’s my mum and I love her.

I have always tried to be a compassionate person. I have always been there for anyone who wants to chat, or needs a hug, or if anything wants doing I have always offered, and I always will.

I found a lovely article which gave 5 ways you can show compassion:

  1. Lighten a load – simply by offering to do something for someone else. It could be as simple as offering your seat on public transport or offering to do the shopping for an elderly neighbour.
  2. Give a hug – and from someone who loves cuddles, this is my favourite. A hug shows you care. A hug says what you want without actually having to say anything at all. Quite simply it means I’m here for you.
  3. See yourself in them – or simply have empathy, the ability to put yourselves in their shoes. You don’t necessarily have to have the answers to fix anything, just by being aware of their situation and trying to understand how you would feel and act in their shoes. Maybe they’re overworked and tired and just need some alone time, if that were me the last thing I would want is to be interrupted in my own head space, so the best thing to do is let them have their time alone and not bother them.  It doesn’t mean that you don’t care, but that you respect them.
  4. Let your heart-break – we’ve all seen the heart-breaking ads on television from charities. And yes we can donate money, but sometimes maybe we can help out nearer home by volunteering a few hours to drive elderly people to appointments, or help out at a group for disadvantaged children.  When I was in sixth form I did voluntary community service once a week at an old people’s home, and loved spending the afternoon chatting and having cups of tea with them. These days I volunteer at school on the PTA, and do various jobs at church.
  5. Respond always – this one is a little bit like having empathy, but if you need to speak make sure it’s always something positive. So if someone sounds a bit down try to give them a boost and say how amazing they are.

I guess, what I’m trying to say is that with a bit of compassion for our fellow humans, maybe we can start making the world a nicer place to live in!

What do you think?

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A-Z of Life – Bravery

What does being brave mean to you?pooh

Does it conjure up images of heroic people doing daring feats of rescue?

Or could it be something as simple as just doing something a bit out of your comfort zone?

We may not have to rescue people from burning buildings, or “go over the top” to face the enemy whilst fighting for “king and country”, but many of us face dragons and demons every single day.

And surely that makes us just as brave as when we take a chance on something (or someone) we believe in, stand up to our fears, do something that will make a difference or simply just decide that we will not be beaten.

For years I believed I was fighting so many demons I couldn’t list them all, but in the end I realised that the only reason the demons were there in the first place was because I had put them there, and the only person I was really fighting was me.

So I had to be brave. Somehow I had take that first step to reclaim my own personal power and vanquish the demons forever.

I had to start liking me.

I had to start believing in me again.

And by believing in me, I could start to believe and trust in other people again.

I don’t wish I was brave anymore. I know I am brave. I look at the world with a completely different perspective these days and it is a much sunnier, pleasant place to live.

Life can throw whatever it wants at me, and I’ll be ready to grasp each and every opportunity, or curve ball, and make the most out of them.

 

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A-Z of Life – Attitude

positive attitudeA couple of years ago I wrote a series of posts titled “The A-Z of Life”.

Well, I’ve re-read them all over the last couple of days and realised just how far I have come on my journey through life since then.  Re-reading them now, I can actually see where my head was and what a mess I was.

So, I thought I might do another series of the “A-Z of Life”, using different words for each letter, but now I am in a happier, more positive place it will be interesting to compare the 2.

So, let’s start at the very beginning, as the song goes.

A is for Attitude.

Over the last couple of years I have tried very hard to improve my attitude towards life in general.

I was in a very dark place. Aside from having SC, I felt as though my life was worthless. I felt like a complete failure as a human being – it seemed like everything I touched disintegrated around me. I couldn’t see a way out from the bottom of the very deep, dark pit I was in.

I don’t know where or when or how, but one day I realised I had to do something. Life was rushing past and I was stuck in tar not moving anywhere.

I needed to seize back the power over my life.

But it needed to be done with little steps.

After reading many, many, many books I sort of sectioned my life out. Work, health, etc.

And then tackled one section at a time.

For example, with work after freeing myself of the franchise, I sat down and wrote list after list after list about what I was good at, what I would like from a career, what I wanted to do, etc. And finally, I literally had an epiphany about what I should do, and so I decided to do it. I love my job not only from the enormous job satisfaction it gives me, but because it’s something I created.

But the main thing that happened during this time was that I went from thinking very negatively about myself and life to thinking how lucky and blessed I am.

So that one small change from negative thinking to positive thinking does work.

You may not see it immediately, but if you think positive, you begin to act more positively and start off a chain reaction so that more and more areas of your life feel more positive.

I’m not saying that there aren’t little stumbles along the way – we aren’t perfect! And it is hard.  This week, for example, I’ve been a bit less positive, because I am trying to get into a play and I’m letting my nerves and ”Charlie’ get the better of me – literally to the point of nausea. But I just need to keep thinking positive and flip my thinking.

That’s the main thing I’ve learned – a positive attitude leads to a happier and more fulfilled life.

So think positive and keep smiling 😉

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The A-Z of Life – Wisdom

What is wisdom?wisdom

How do we become wise?

When are we considered wise, at what age?

Is being clever and being wise one and the same?

 

They say, in general that wisdom comes with age.

But sometimes some very wise truths come from those of a very young age.

If we are knowledgeable about a certain subject, or if we can recall facts and figures at the drop of a hat, does that make us wise?

Or is wisdom, just about being able to see the right way to proceed in certain situations through life, and as in the Wisdom of Solomon, being able to make the right judgment?

I would not say I was wise about anything.

For sure, I can probably give good advice in certain matters, but do I apply that same good advice to my own situation? In general, I try, but fail!

In most regards, people see me as foolish, sometimes stupid and totally naïve in the ways of the world.

And, they are probably right.

I try to always see the best in other people, no matter what.

I don’t always see the best in me, and am always the first to put myself down.

But I try to always do the right thing as I walk through life – because by being true to myself I am not living a lie.

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