Tag Archives: respect

A-Z of Life – Honesty

self-honesty-freedomLet’s be honest – it’s always easier to blame other people/other circumstances for our misfortunes in life, isn’t it?

But where does that get us?

Nowhere, that’s where.

Or continually walking down a path always looking for something or someone to blame and never once looking closer to home.

But maybe we should.

Every day we always have a choice.

And those choices determine what happens in our lives. Some of it will be good and some of it will be not so good.

But, and here’s the crux of the matter, if the choice you made turns out to be not so good, then instead of looking for someone or something to blame we need to look at our actions. After all, weren’t we the one who made that particular choice?

We’ve all done it. It’s human nature. If something goes wrong it’s easier to blame circumstances or fate or luck, isn’t it?

I’ve spent a good part of my life blaming others for my ‘lot in life’ – unlucky, ugly, useless, worthless, etc. You name it, the list is pretty long.

But, over the last couple years, having been on this voyage of self-discovery I realised the ‘others’ involved may have caused an initial blip in my life (for want of a better expression), but I was then ultimately responsible for how I felt. After all, I was the one that chose to let their actions affect my life, I chose to believe I was worthless, I chose to believe that I deserved everything that was thrown at me, I chose to believe that I should be treated without respect.

“Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it!”

I looked closely at my own actions and worked hard to improve and better myself in all areas of life and these days I wake up and choose to be positive.

Because I believe in myself now.

For sure, I may still get a few wobbles and panics occasionally but I stop, tell myself to stop being so silly and as a certain song goes, always look on the bright side.

I am alive.

I am allowed to have dreams.

I deserve to be here.

I deserve to have a life.

I am worthy of life.

I am worthy of respect.

I value and know my worth.

I choose life.

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A-Z of Life – Compassion

compassionThe very definition of compassion is the sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.

But being wrapped up in our own very stressful and demanding lives we can sometimes walk by on the other side of the road.

Or we walk by not because we don’t want to help but we don’t know how, or we feel unsure that we aren’t going to get swindled or robbed by stopping.

Or worse, we see pictures of people in plight, take pity on them, but heaven forbid they come and live in my backyard type of attitude.

We are all very good it seems at dipping into our purses for huge disaster fund-raising appeals, or telethon, which is brilliant in its own way, but does compassion really have to be a huge gesture.

Sometimes an act of compassion can be something as simple as a hug, asking if someone is OK, being an ear to listen (just listen and not offer advice unless asked for) or simply respecting when someone needs time alone to gather their strength or their thoughts.

And acts of compassion can start at home, but it can be difficult.

18 months ago my mum nearly died because the doctors failed to notice she was literally filling up with fluid as her kidneys were failing. Thankfully, action was taken in the nick of time, and she’s still here.  But since then her health has deteriorated and although she’s still my mum, she’s not the woman I knew – if that makes sense.

Technically now, aside from her kidneys, which have stabilised, there is nothing wrong with her. But it has taken its toll mentally, and she has slid into that downward spiral of depression. Most days she gets up and sits in her chair – sleeping most of the time – and it is a great day if she gets dressed.

It’s certainly taken its toll on my dad, whose temper spring is wound more tightly than ever.

And some days it is difficult to find compassion when you can see that she might feel better if she actually got dressed, ate something, or tried to go outside for a breath of fresh air, but that she isn’t doing anything to help and it looks like she is just sitting there waiting to die!

But I try to show compassion by trying to understand how she must be feeling and pretty much taking over the household stuff. After all she’s my mum and I love her.

I have always tried to be a compassionate person. I have always been there for anyone who wants to chat, or needs a hug, or if anything wants doing I have always offered, and I always will.

I found a lovely article which gave 5 ways you can show compassion:

  1. Lighten a load – simply by offering to do something for someone else. It could be as simple as offering your seat on public transport or offering to do the shopping for an elderly neighbour.
  2. Give a hug – and from someone who loves cuddles, this is my favourite. A hug shows you care. A hug says what you want without actually having to say anything at all. Quite simply it means I’m here for you.
  3. See yourself in them – or simply have empathy, the ability to put yourselves in their shoes. You don’t necessarily have to have the answers to fix anything, just by being aware of their situation and trying to understand how you would feel and act in their shoes. Maybe they’re overworked and tired and just need some alone time, if that were me the last thing I would want is to be interrupted in my own head space, so the best thing to do is let them have their time alone and not bother them.  It doesn’t mean that you don’t care, but that you respect them.
  4. Let your heart-break – we’ve all seen the heart-breaking ads on television from charities. And yes we can donate money, but sometimes maybe we can help out nearer home by volunteering a few hours to drive elderly people to appointments, or help out at a group for disadvantaged children.  When I was in sixth form I did voluntary community service once a week at an old people’s home, and loved spending the afternoon chatting and having cups of tea with them. These days I volunteer at school on the PTA, and do various jobs at church.
  5. Respond always – this one is a little bit like having empathy, but if you need to speak make sure it’s always something positive. So if someone sounds a bit down try to give them a boost and say how amazing they are.

I guess, what I’m trying to say is that with a bit of compassion for our fellow humans, maybe we can start making the world a nicer place to live in!

What do you think?

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The A-Z of Life – Respect

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. find out what it means to me – goes the song.

Well first and foremost I believe we have to respect ourselves. If we don’t no one else will.

I believe we should respect our elders, be they teachers, superiors at work, or even just the little old lady at the bus stop. That’s what I was brought up to think and I shiver at the thought that children these days are not being brought up to respect their elders.

If, as parents, we do not teach our children to automatically respect their elders (not necessarily because they are their betters, but because they happen to be older and perhaps more wise in the ways of the world) we are perhaps failing in our parental duties by sending out the signal that children demand automatic respect from adults and that adults have to earn that respect rather than the other way around.

I remember at secondary school (and this was only  in the 80s) having to stand up as soon as the teacher walked in the room. It was an automatic, no questions asked, response and certainly the thought that the teacher had to earn our respect before we would stand up for them never crossed our minds. And yet a couple of years ago I remember some hoo-ha in the paper about a boy being suspended from school because he had refused to stand up when a teacher walked in (the new head had just instilled this as a school rule) and the father (probably about my age) rather than agreeing with the head sided with his son saying teachers needed to earn respect.

And when it comes to relationships I firmly believe we need to respect our partners and would like to think that a good relationship was one that is:

Romantic

Enjoyable

Sincere

Passionate

Enchanting

Connected

Tender

 

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I’m just an old fashioned girl …

…goes the song.thatched cottage

With an old-fashioned mind. Not sophisticated, I’m the sweet and simple kind.

I don’t do sophisticated. Simple…that’s me 😉

I like old-fashioned 😉

I like the idea of courtship – getting to know someone, what makes them tick, all their idiosyncrasies – I believe if you want to build a firm basis for a relationship, you need to know, understand and accept the other person for who they are.

I like the idea of being wooed – and for me it doesn’t mean flowers and chocolates and expensive dinners and gifts. I’m not easy mind – but I like simple things. A man who can make me laugh even when he tells corny jokes. A man who can bring a smile to my face when I think of them. A man who is content with just cuddles and kisses sometimes. A man who can hold my hand and make me feel like I mean the world to him. A man who doesn’t roll his eyes when I talk to him about problems I may be encountering … I could go on.

But relationships are not all about me, me, me. I know I’ve been in enough where it’s all been about them, them, them.

I like the idea of being part of a team and I’m a firm believer that relationships are about building a solid partnership that works on communication, respect and trust.

… and yes, I want an old-fashioned house with an old-fashioned fence – love old properties, especially thatched with white picket fences and roses round the door 😉

… but you know what – you can keep that old-fashioned millionaire –  I just want someone to be my best friend, who loves me for me and someone who makes me happy 😉

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Envy

Yes, that whole “covet thy neighbour’s ass” commandment!

Now, according to Wikipedia, envy, like greed, can be characterised as an insatiable desire. They vary, however on two counts:

  1. Firstly, greed is largely associated with material goods, whereas envy may be more general;
  2. Secondly, those who commit the sin of envy, not only resent that another person has something they perceive themselves as lacking, but also wish the other person to be deprived of it.

Nice, huh!

Now we all get envious, to varying degrees, pretty much every day.

You see someone and think “Wow! What fab hair, wish my hair was like that.”, or “that woman looks amazing so quickly after giving birth, I wish I knew her secret!”, and one for the lads “nice car! Bet he pulls the birds in that!”

Yes, this is theoretically committing the sin of envy, but it is very light-hearted, with no animosity or malice. We just wish our hair could look good, not that we wish the other person’s hair didn’t.

But, what if we let that envy eat us up? What happens when we let the green-eyed monster get larger?

Nothing good!

Imagine a sulky child, not being able to get what he/she wants at the toy shop. What do they all cry out?

Yes, that’s right. “It’s not fair!”

I want does not equal I get!

Something SC knows. He knows that I want never gets – but he is that cute, he then rephrases it with “I would like”, and when he says “it’s not fair!” I give him a cuddle and remind him that life, unfortunately is not fair, and we have to learn to deal with it. This happens, usually after he’s lost a game we’ve been playing!

But we are not an eternal child (we wish we could be, but we are not). So when something happens that we feel is unfair – we don’t get that big promotion, Hollywood doesn’t come a-calling, we get sidelined for a younger model, etc, etc, etc, what do we do?

We can stamp and shout about how it isn’t fair, dissect the situation in the minutest detail to work out why we were not the chosen one, and keep going on, and on, and on about it to everyone and anyone we meet. Not only griping about what a big mistake it was, because we are so much better, but that the other person is rubbish and not ‘fit for purpose’, so to speak.

Is that going to get us sympathy? Is that going to get us what we want?

No!

We might get sympathy initially. But the constant harping and snide comments will win us no friends in the end. And more importantly, the situation will not change. We will still not have the promotion, glittering career, or man/woman back!

We will be left with nothing!

So how do we stop the green-eyed monster from rearing its ugly head in the first place?

OK. we can have a little cry and a moan, and maybe a little petulant stamp of the foot. Hurt pride takes a while to heal and we wouldn’t be human if it didn’t hurt, just a little.

But we have to remind ourselves that it isn’t the end of the world. It was clearly not meant to be.

Time heals, is a very true saying. And yes, we may be hurting inside every time we see the person that got the job, or the person that got the man/girl. But if we keep our own counsel we will not let the green-eyed monster win and will not lose the respect of others.

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People are like wine…

Some people mature well and are full-bodied, flavoursome and leave you wanting more of their company.

Other people cork!

They become nasty and bitter and leave you with a sour taste in your mouth.

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My Perfect Man

Obviously, going all Disney, he has to be Prince Charming who will whisk me off my feet, then we’ll ride off into the sunset on his white steed and live happily ever after 😉

But I know fairy-tales don’t really exist, and there’s no riding off into the sunset to live happily ever after, relationships are hard work!

So following on from my “Perfect Man” post, here’s my ‘shopping list’ in no particular order 😉

  1. Over 6ft please – I’m 6ft in heels, and seriously would prefer to look up to someone in the physical sense rather than eyeball them!
  2. Someone who likes to take care of themselves, but not to the extreme though;
  3. Hair & Eye Colour – seriously doesn’t matter;
  4. Non-smoker;
  5. Someone kind and considerate – I’m sure there must be some men out there who are?
  6. Someone not averse to helping with housework chores, including cooking – clothes washing aside (we already know how anal I am about that!)
  7. Someone I can respect, who will respect me in return;
  8. Someone in tune with emotions, theirs and those of others;
  9. Someone who loves me for who I am, faults included;
  10. White Charger (optional) 😉

Not an extortionate request is it?

I don’t care what they do, how much they earn, or any other materialistic clap trap. At the end of the day I just want someone who will treat me with kindness, compassion and respect.

 

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