Tag Archives: problems

Love is … like an exam!

examExcept there’s no revision needed for the first sitting, thankfully, however, it’s one of the those where you can re-sit and hopefully get better until you get the grade you want 😉

Sometimes the problems are easy – in which case you answer and move on swiftly to the next one.

Sometimes the problem is a multiple choice – always tricky, and it’s not for nothing it’s called multiple guess!!!

If you seriously have no clue from the options, just take your pick.  Word of warning though, you can’t go back and change your mind after!

If you know the answer, then go for it and delete all the other options from the list.

Sometimes the problem is a little bit more tricky and requires a lot more thought.

My headmaster always said if you’re faced with a tricky problem  in an exam move on to the next and go back when you’ve finished the paper – unfortunately though life is not quite that simple.

So with a tricky problem you have 2 choices.

You can either move on to the next problem, but there is no going back – you have to keep moving forward – and if you find yourself wishing you could, sorry, no can do. You made your choice.

Or you can work on the problem until it is solved and feel satisfied that you tried.

As for me, I think this is one exam I will never, ever pass.

Far too tricky for me, so I’ll just sit quietly at the top of my tree admiring the view 😉

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What are the best ‘self-help’ books you have read?

I know, I know. People who read so-called ‘self-help’ books are the people who want to do something, but never get round to actually doing it.

But I did 😉

However, I don’t there is just 1 ‘self-help’ guide out there to fix all the problems – after much research, reading and soul searching the answer lies with us.  But as a complete book geekette I find that books help put things into perspective, if I’m feeling something but don’t know why, if I can find an answer in a book I can generally then try identify what I’ve read with my own feelings and work things out (if that makes any sense whatsoever?)

And like I said, there’s more than 1 book out there, and over the last couple of years, I’ve read loads.  There are some that have struck more chords than others, and some that I picked up and immediately put back down again!

These are probably my Top 3:

3.  The Chimp Paradox by Dr Mike Peters

I wrote a blog about this book way back in 2013 (“Me & My Chimp” – just re-published it) and since writing the post ‘Charlie’ and I have in general sorted out our differences.  Sometimes he raises his naughty little head and starts whispering negative thoughts into my brain, but these day I just try to ignore him.

The book, without going into too much detail – after all it’s all in the previous post – details how those annoying little self-doubt voices you hear in your head are just akin to a chimp lodging in your brain. And if you take notice of them, you feed them and they become bigger and stronger until they pretty much rule your life.

So, as the signs at the zoo keep reminding us “Do Not Feed the Chimps!”

2.  The Good Psychopath’s Guide to Success by Dr Kevin Dutton & Andy McNab

… or “How to use your inner psychopath to get the most out of life.”  And no, that doesn’t mean you have to turn into Hannibal Lecter or Norman Bates!

Effectively, the gist of the book is that everyone has psychopathic qualities, such as fearlessness, empathy, and decisiveness, etc., and if we think of them as dials on a radio they get turned up and down as we need them to get the best out of any situation. (Note, a bad psychopath has the dials turned up to maximum permanently!)  They explain that top lawyers and surgeons have these ‘good’ psychopathic tendencies to do the job they need to do with the least emotion possible – and having experienced the legal system, I’d have been a terrible lawyer, I am way too emotional!

But what the man in the street needs to do is tune in to these dials and alter the frequency as and when they need to help them out.  There is a sequel which actually takes all the qualities and shows you how to put them to use in every day situations – “Sorted – The Good Psychopath’s Guide to Bossing Your Life”

And my Number 1 is a book I randomly picked off the shelf in the library (really must buy my own copy) called “Flip It” by Michael Heppell.

It’s basic premise is to pretty much take every situation and just flip it from the negative to the positive to energise your actions and ensure you get the best out of any situation.

It’s full of tips and exercises and is truly eye-opening.

So my new mantra for anything I encounter these days that gives me a headache is to either flip it or f**k it (which incidentally is the name of another self-help book 😉 )

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The A-Z of Life – Quitting

quittingIs “quitting” a dirty word?

Should we be ashamed if we quit?

If you ask a sportsman the answer is probably “yes” – after all quitters never win!

That indeed is true in one sense, but what, if you have tried all avenues and you still end up facing the wall in front of you, no higher up it, or further along to the end than when you started?

Should you still try to overcome the obstacle?

Should you strategically think about the obstacle?

Why is it so difficult to overcome?

Is it the obstacle that is the problem, or you?

If, indeed, it is the obstacle that is the problem, then surely “quitting” is not a bad thing?

Doesn’t it just means you get to shift your focus onto something more important, or maybe something less difficult to overcome? After all you can’t climb a mountain in one leap, you need to take little steps and often traverse the mountain sideways before moving further up towards the summit and the goal!

If it is you that is the problem though, what then?

Surely in this case quitting is a bad thing, because if you don’t even try, for whatever reason, doesn’t that make for a life filled with regrets and what ifs?

What is holding you back?

What deep-rooted “problem” (for want of a better word) is preventing you from, sometimes even just trying to get somewhere?

In my case, the answer is that I never truly believe in me.

I put obstacles in my way. Extra obstacles that I have to overcome as well as the original task at hand. It’s always a case of I can’t do this, I’m not very good at that, I’m not pretty, I’m not clever enough, I’ll never be the type of girl that someone will adore, etc.

So when I try to overcome these extra obstacles I still have the original obstacle in my way, still as big and ominous.

That is not to say I never try anything, but I have to be passionate about and truly believe in whatever it is I am trying to achieve and then I will throw my heart and soul into trying to make it work.

Most of the time though, I do end up with egg on my face, looking like a complete idiot and feeling like a complete failure.

So, I end up still not believing in me.

And if I don’t believe in me, who else will, right?

It is a vicious circle.

Sometimes, I feel like I’ve just about had enough of everything that’s been thrown at me, and yes, I feel like quitting!

Quitting life, quitting people, quitting everything.

But if truth be told, I am not a quitter!

I may not believe in myself, but I try to not give up unless I have given it every last ounce of my fighting spirit.

There are, of course exceptions and some things that are not worth fighting for, generally things that I never really wanted in the first place – like the job or the part in the play – just because my heart wasn’t and wouldn’t be in it, and I don’t tend to feel too bad about them, because deep down I never really wanted it.

I am about the see the light and get rid of the contract that has been weighing me down for the last 3 years. I have thrown every artillery shell and bit of arsenal I have at my disposal at it, and yet the damn thing is still unmovable. So, I have decided enough is enough – it was becoming bad for my stress levels and general health and well-being.

I may have been defeated but I have not failed. I think of it as having lost a particular battle, but that doesn’t mean I will not go on fighting. I still have faith and dreams 😉

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10 Commandments for Simplifying Your Life

Here’s quite a good list I came across, written by a gentleman called Ian McDermott. What are your favourites and would you add anything to the list?

  1. Thou shalt not worry, for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.
  2. Thou shalt not be fearful for most of the things we fear never come to pass.
  3. Thou shalt not cross bridges before you get to them for no one yet has succeeded in accomplishing this.
  4. Thou shalt face each problem as it comes, for you can handle only one at a time anyway.
  5. Thou shalt not become bogged down by frustration and self-pity, for they drain the life out of you…..
  6. Thou shalt not borrow other peoples problems, for they can take better care of them than you can.
  7. Thou shalt not try to relive yesterday for good or ill – it is gone.
  8. Thou shalt count thy blessings, never overlooking small ones, for a lot of tiny blessings add up to a very big one.
  9. Thou shalt be a good listener, for only when you listen do you hear ideas different from your own.
  10. Thou shalt not take problems to bed with you for they make very poor bedfellows

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What do you do when you’re stuck?

In any aspect of your life.

Do you take the stiff upper lip approach and carry on regardless?

Do you ask for help?

Or do you do nothing and wait for the answer to come?

I suspect most of us would take the first approach – after all if we carry on regardless we don’t come across as weak and a failure for saying we are in need of help.

I also suspect that most people would think doing nothing is like being the ostrich who buries its head in the sand when panicked.

But sometimes, just sometimes doing nothing is the best thing to do.

I’ve been in a quandary for weeks now regarding the direction my life (career-wise) needs to go. My heart wants to go one way, my head another. I even wrote down a list of what I was good at to try to define a perfect job – but it seems I am a typical Gemini, split personality as there are two distinct sides to my ‘talents’ and no one perfect job could ever fit them.

Still, I’ve been major-league stressing about it all, and someone told me to look out for signs that would tell me what to do.

And sitting in church on Sunday the vicar was going on about being stuck and what to do about moving on, when the sign came to me, the light bulb flashed on when she said “go where your ideas will flourish”.

I now know that I should go with my heart, and at least try what I want to do, but in an area which isn’t so heavily populated with the same kind of work.

So sometimes the answers do just come to you if you do nothing 😉

(now would someone mind please telling my headache that!)

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Running Away

If I have had a problem that I’m finding difficult to overcome, the only answer I’ve ever had is to run away.

When I was younger I did want to physically run away when I was faced with problems – bullies, relationships, boredom with my life – to somewhere new, where I could start again, afresh where no one knew me.

My mum said that the same problems would follow me, they would just have different names and faces.

And she was right, because although I could run away from the problem, I couldn’t run away from myself and how I was feeling about me.

Now I’m older, I’ve actually come to like myself. I think I’m all right really. It’s taken a while, but at the end of the day what you see is what you get.

Yes, I’m loud, determined, ambitious, competitive, tend to put my mouth into gear before brain, amongst other things, but I’m also kind, compassionate, thoughtful and trusting (to name but a few). I make no claims to being perfect, but I’m nowhere near as bad a person as people have led me to believe.

Most importantly, I have found peace and happiness with myself. I believe in me. I am what I am, to coin a phrase.

All the bad stuff from bullies to bad boyfriends is in the past. Shut away and will never stop me enjoying life again.

Roosevelt is quoted as saying in his inaugural speech that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself and he’s right.

I have spent the last 20 or so years of my life being fearful, hiding away from the world, afraid of being me, allowing myself to be ‘controlled’ and treated badly.

I’m not afraid anymore.

I’m not going to let happiness pass me by anymore.

I know what I want.

If I were to run away now, I wouldn’t be running from a problem I would be running to a wonderful new chapter in my life.

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