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What if?

‘Letters to Juliet’ is unashamedly a girlie rom-com, chick-flick, and yes, I cry. But towards the end of the film we hear the letter that ‘Juliet’ writes back to Claire – after a period of 50 years:what if greg plitt

Dear Claire,

“What” and “If” are two words as non-threatening as words can be.

But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life:

What if?

What if?

What if?

I don’t know how your story ended but if what you felt then was true love, then it’s never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn’t it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart.

I don’t know what a love like Juliet’s feels like – love to leave loved ones for, love to cross oceans for but I’d like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I will have the courage to seize it.

And, Claire, if you didn’t, I hope one day that you will.

All my love, Juliet

 

And it’s true.

“What if” does have the power to haunt you.

What if I had done this, what if I had done that?

All those regrets that hang on those 2 words. Things you wish you could have done, should have said, etc.

But holding on to the “what ifs” doesn’t do anyone any favours – believe me, I know.

I’ve learned that we can’t change the past, no matter how hard we try. We have to live for the present and use our past experiences to shape our future ones, so that we no longer think “what if” but live a full life with no regrets.

At the end of the day, if things don’t work out the way you planned or wanted – for example you didn’t get the job, promotion, house, etc, then maybe it wasn’t meant to be and maybe, just maybe life has something better lined up for you.

That’s a hard one to get your head around sometimes, especially if you feel that your whole world is collapsing around you, but it does get better.

You just have to believe in 3 things: in yourself, in other people and that anything is possible.

And sometimes you’ll find that something in the most unlikely of places when you’re least expecting it.

These days I don’t think “what if” and try to second-guess the future or over-analyse every little minute detail of life, I just let life flow.

I have finally learned that “you can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf!” and it’s actually great fun.

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A-Z of Life – Attitude

positive attitudeA couple of years ago I wrote a series of posts titled “The A-Z of Life”.

Well, I’ve re-read them all over the last couple of days and realised just how far I have come on my journey through life since then.  Re-reading them now, I can actually see where my head was and what a mess I was.

So, I thought I might do another series of the “A-Z of Life”, using different words for each letter, but now I am in a happier, more positive place it will be interesting to compare the 2.

So, let’s start at the very beginning, as the song goes.

A is for Attitude.

Over the last couple of years I have tried very hard to improve my attitude towards life in general.

I was in a very dark place. Aside from having SC, I felt as though my life was worthless. I felt like a complete failure as a human being – it seemed like everything I touched disintegrated around me. I couldn’t see a way out from the bottom of the very deep, dark pit I was in.

I don’t know where or when or how, but one day I realised I had to do something. Life was rushing past and I was stuck in tar not moving anywhere.

I needed to seize back the power over my life.

But it needed to be done with little steps.

After reading many, many, many books I sort of sectioned my life out. Work, health, etc.

And then tackled one section at a time.

For example, with work after freeing myself of the franchise, I sat down and wrote list after list after list about what I was good at, what I would like from a career, what I wanted to do, etc. And finally, I literally had an epiphany about what I should do, and so I decided to do it. I love my job not only from the enormous job satisfaction it gives me, but because it’s something I created.

But the main thing that happened during this time was that I went from thinking very negatively about myself and life to thinking how lucky and blessed I am.

So that one small change from negative thinking to positive thinking does work.

You may not see it immediately, but if you think positive, you begin to act more positively and start off a chain reaction so that more and more areas of your life feel more positive.

I’m not saying that there aren’t little stumbles along the way – we aren’t perfect! And it is hard.  This week, for example, I’ve been a bit less positive, because I am trying to get into a play and I’m letting my nerves and ”Charlie’ get the better of me – literally to the point of nausea. But I just need to keep thinking positive and flip my thinking.

That’s the main thing I’ve learned – a positive attitude leads to a happier and more fulfilled life.

So think positive and keep smiling 😉

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Do You Deserve Everything You Get?

Someone said to me yesterday that I deserved everything I got!

This was said with malice, I hasten to add.

And that got me thinking, do I, or anyone else come to think of it, deserve what they get in life?

And thinking further is it actually what we deserve, or merely a physical manifestation of our innermost wants, which we ourselves are oblivious of until such time as ‘we get what we deserve’?

And without getting too philosophical or psychological is it perhaps the universe giving us what it knows we can handle?

I remember watching a film, think it was “The Wedding Date”, with Debra Messing (her off Will & Grace) and the father, played by the rather swoonsome Paul Egan, said to Debra Messing’s character that women get the love life they want.

So men, or women who get treated badly, is it because they want to be treated badly, or is it because they have such low self-esteem that they think they don’t deserve to be treated well?

And that got me thinking again? (And we all know how much I think, and boy has it given me a stinker of a headache!!)

So, I tried to take the philosophy that what we get is merely a physical manifestation of our innermost wants and apply it to some areas of my life.

And here’s what I came up with:

Love

Being a true romantic at heart, with a head full of fairy-tales, I believe in there being a Prince Charming out there somewhere.

In reality though I know Prince Charming doesn’t exist. So maybe, when I thought I’d got close to that fairytale, it was with someone I knew, deep down, could and would never be mine? So I got the fairytale in my imagination, but being reality it never really existed in the first place!

Life

I obviously didn’t set out to be a single-mother, but that is the situation I find myself in. Is this merely a physical manifestation of the fact that I thrive on a challenge and find ‘normality’ tedious? I suppose that could be true – after all I was constantly on the move in my career pre-SC – not that I have any lingering wishes towards Mr Wrong No. 2, far from it. Maybe the Universe dealt me this card because it knew I had the wherewithal to cope – although some days I seriously doubt its judgement!

Work

Nothing is ever handed to anyone, and you have to work for what you want. There are no quick wins to fame or fortune, so to speak, except through hard work. That’s what makes slogging your guts out worthwhile, when you can see the results of all that hard work. Sometimes it takes a lifetime. And again, maybe deep down the reason I keep going, is because I’m not a quitter and I just want to prove everyone wrong – just once – and show that I can do it!

It’s not a perfect explanation, but at least its got the thoughts out of my head, and relieved some of the headache!

I don’t believe we deserve what we get!

I believe we all have the power to overcome anything in life, if we choose too, rather than sitting down, doing nothing and letting life pass us by.

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