Tag Archives: positivity

Top 5 Lessons I’ve Learned in Life

You may be seated, class is about to begin 😉life

As I’ve meandered through this thing called life, this is what I have learned, so far:

5.  Don’t get on the negative horses – such as anger, bitterness, self-pity, self-doubt, etc. If someone or something has happened to you then yes, your first reaction may be something negative. But if you stay with that negative frame of mind then that is your choice, not the person, or thing, that hurt you. And then the only person you are hurting is yourself. This is a phrase I have only recently discovered and yes, at times it is very difficult to stay off those damn horses, especially if SC is faffing about when it comes to getting homework done (I swear pulling hen’s teeth would be easier!). But I am getting better at letting those negative horses stay grazing in the field, whilst I stay with the positive team 😉

4.  Treat everyone with kindness – yes, they may not treat you the same in return, but surely that says more about them than you. And by treating everyone with kindness, even if it is just a smile, or offering your seat to someone, then you could make a difference to that person’s day. So my act of kindness today is to send everyone a big smile. 🙂

3.  Keep Learning – learning doesn’t stop when you finish school. The more we learn, the more we grow as people. And we learn and grow from life experiences, and if we don’t then life will keep throwing the same stuff at you until you do learn it. It’s a bit like continuous assessment rather than actually ever having to sit down and take an exam. I think one of the toughest lessons I’ve learned is when it comes to relationships to just let it flow. When I first went out with Boomerang Boy we saw each other continuously for 3 weeks, then it was a case of adios senorita. When I next went out with someone and he dumped me I was accused of being too clingy. Then I went to the other extreme and got accused of being too cold and distant! (And yes, I did tut and think “MEN! ARGH!”) But now, if I ever got the chance I would take it slowly and let them do most of the chasing – after all isn’t that what men really want, it’s the whole hunter/gatherer thing – and if they say they’re busy I wouldn’t freak out, like I would have done way back when, I would give them their space and wait for them to come back from the man cave. And if they don’t, then clearly their chapter in my life is over, and I would give thanks for the memories and let go – after all “I’m not a stop along the way, I’m a destination!”

2. Grab life by the Balls (‘scuse my language!) – you’ve got to. You only get one life and as they say “it’s not a dress rehearsal darling!”. Why just exist, when you can live? You have to grab each and every opportunity and curve ball life throws at you. Embrace them, live them. They may be good or not so good. If they are good then your life will be enriched and if they are not so good then you learn and grow from them. There are 86,400 seconds in each day, and I have started pretending after reading it somewhere (think it was one of the quote things I found on Pinterest) that if we think of them as £86,400 that we have to spend each and every day, where no money gets rolled over, you have to spend it all, and wisely, why on earth would you waste a single second? After all, we never know when there won’t be a tomorrow!

1.  Be You, wholeheartedly  – as the saying goes “why fit in when you were born to stand out!” I remind SC of this fairly regularly, and explain that it has taken me most of my life to actually work it out. I am, at last, happy and contented in my own skin. I know who I am, what I am and, equally important what I am not. And I most certainly am not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. I have many faults but I take each one and try to improve them. I am quirky, some may even call me strange and weird, but does that bother me? Nope. Not any more. No one can be anything other than themselves really. We can try to fit into some kind of mould that society wants us to, but that doesn’t make us happy. It makes us miserable, as we try desperately to please everyone and make others like us for what we are not. We can only be truly happy by being true to ourselves. And the most important thing I have learned about being me, is that the only person I need ever aim to please is me.

So, there you go, they are my Top 5 lessons I have learned.

What have you learned on your journey through life?

 

 

 

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A-Z of Life – Energy

energyEnergy!

Sometimes don’t you wish you could just jump out of bed at 5 in the morning full of vim and vigour ready to start the day, instead of hitting the snooze button for just a few moments longer whilst you go back to that wonderful dream?

But that’s not really the type of energy I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the life energy you give off in your daily lives.

It is said that we are but mirror images of our innermost thoughts and that we receive what we give.

Sounds crazy, right?

Think about it though.

We’ve all had one of ‘those’ days – you know the one where anything that could go wrong … goes wrong!

Is it just because we’ve run into a spell of bad luck, or is it merely that one stroke of misfortune has turned your life energy for the day from positive to negative and so nothing seems to go right afterwards?

So, thinking forward from that one unfortunate incident, if we let that mar our thoughts then we are emitting nothing but negative energy and therefore will attract more negativity into our lives.

Thinking about it another way – have you ever been out with friends and one friend has done nothing but moan and whine about how awful things are, etc.?   Don’t you feel exhausted after leaving? That’s the result of all your positive energy being drained by so much negativity.

I will admit to doing my fair share of whining … in the past (and I most definitely mean in the past) and now I actually can feel positive energy being sucked out of me if someone is doing nothing but moaning (my crystals are definitely earning their keep in the house I can tell you – sometimes it’s Moan Central!) and I have to either meditate or stroll outside to reconnect my positive energy with the universe. (OMG! Now I sound like some complete nut-job!)

And with all those negative vibes you are emitting you will attract other people on the same negative wavelength – don’t I know that! (But moving swiftly on …)

As you know I’ve crossed the stream from negative to positive over the last couple of years and let me tell you life has never felt so good.

Just by thinking that cup is always full, being grateful and thankful for each and day, thinking positively about every situation that life throws at me (even if it’s not that positive I just flip it to make it so) and generally having a much rosier outlook on life (and that doesn’t necessarily mean looking through rose-tinted glasses) life is exciting.

Life is an adventure.

Life is always full of surprises.

So next time life throws you a bum-deal, try not to get down, just try to think of a positive about the situation and your day will get infinitely better.

As they say “one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.”

So smile 😉

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Friday Poem – A Little Bit of Sunshine

sunshineSeeing as we’ve had some lovely sunny weather this week, here’s a poem about the effects that a little bit of sunshine has on every single one of us, by the American poet Juan Olivarez.

We can all try to be a little bit of sunshine in everyone’s life.

A Little Bit of Sunshine

A little bit of sunshine every day,
Helps to keep the rain clouds far away.
A little bit of sunshine, for your soul,
Helps you to weather even bitter cold.

A little bit of sunshine in your week,
Helps pull you out of bed, when you are sick.
A little bit of sunshine on your brain,
Helps get out all bad feelings, and mental strain.

A little bit of sunshine in your life,
Helps you to deal, with all your stress and strife.
A little bit of sunshine at the start,
Can even help to heal a broken heart.

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What are the best ‘self-help’ books you have read?

I know, I know. People who read so-called ‘self-help’ books are the people who want to do something, but never get round to actually doing it.

But I did 😉

However, I don’t there is just 1 ‘self-help’ guide out there to fix all the problems – after much research, reading and soul searching the answer lies with us.  But as a complete book geekette I find that books help put things into perspective, if I’m feeling something but don’t know why, if I can find an answer in a book I can generally then try identify what I’ve read with my own feelings and work things out (if that makes any sense whatsoever?)

And like I said, there’s more than 1 book out there, and over the last couple of years, I’ve read loads.  There are some that have struck more chords than others, and some that I picked up and immediately put back down again!

These are probably my Top 3:

3.  The Chimp Paradox by Dr Mike Peters

I wrote a blog about this book way back in 2013 (“Me & My Chimp” – just re-published it) and since writing the post ‘Charlie’ and I have in general sorted out our differences.  Sometimes he raises his naughty little head and starts whispering negative thoughts into my brain, but these day I just try to ignore him.

The book, without going into too much detail – after all it’s all in the previous post – details how those annoying little self-doubt voices you hear in your head are just akin to a chimp lodging in your brain. And if you take notice of them, you feed them and they become bigger and stronger until they pretty much rule your life.

So, as the signs at the zoo keep reminding us “Do Not Feed the Chimps!”

2.  The Good Psychopath’s Guide to Success by Dr Kevin Dutton & Andy McNab

… or “How to use your inner psychopath to get the most out of life.”  And no, that doesn’t mean you have to turn into Hannibal Lecter or Norman Bates!

Effectively, the gist of the book is that everyone has psychopathic qualities, such as fearlessness, empathy, and decisiveness, etc., and if we think of them as dials on a radio they get turned up and down as we need them to get the best out of any situation. (Note, a bad psychopath has the dials turned up to maximum permanently!)  They explain that top lawyers and surgeons have these ‘good’ psychopathic tendencies to do the job they need to do with the least emotion possible – and having experienced the legal system, I’d have been a terrible lawyer, I am way too emotional!

But what the man in the street needs to do is tune in to these dials and alter the frequency as and when they need to help them out.  There is a sequel which actually takes all the qualities and shows you how to put them to use in every day situations – “Sorted – The Good Psychopath’s Guide to Bossing Your Life”

And my Number 1 is a book I randomly picked off the shelf in the library (really must buy my own copy) called “Flip It” by Michael Heppell.

It’s basic premise is to pretty much take every situation and just flip it from the negative to the positive to energise your actions and ensure you get the best out of any situation.

It’s full of tips and exercises and is truly eye-opening.

So my new mantra for anything I encounter these days that gives me a headache is to either flip it or f**k it (which incidentally is the name of another self-help book 😉 )

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A-Z of Life – Motivation

This is a re-blog of one of my A-Z of Life posts – maybe I’ll reblog some more 😉

The encouragement to keep going.fear

The drive to win.

The imagination to dream.

The determination to succeed.

The desire to change.

The wish to fulfil your dreams.

The hunger for knowledge.

The kick up the backside.

The incentive to start.

Whatever, our wishes, dreams, desires or plans we all need a spark of motivation to set off that chain of reactions.

Be it to earn more money, move house, try a new hobby, write that best-selling novel, etc., we all need to find that get up and go to get off our backsides and just do it (to coin a phrase – thanks Nike).

Take me, for example.

I have a folder that I started when I was 17, full of ideas I had for businesses and things I wanted to do.

20-odd years later, it’s still there, untouched, and some small part of me wishes I shouldn’t have left it so long.

Some ideas have been done, successfully by other people, and I think, “that could have been me!” But I was scared of trying.

Self-motivation is very difficult, especially when you let all the monsters of your past still silently dictate and belittle you. You pause before starting and still hear their voices saying that you aren’t good enough, you aren’t clever, you won’t amount to much, you’re a failure, you’re a loser, etc.

I have done that, and it’s very difficult to try to fight these demons alone, because over the years all the taunts, jibes and digs taught me to hate myself, and believe that all the things they threw at me were true.

At the end of the day you are the only person who can change your life and follow your dreams. It’s like dieting – you know you need to lose weight and keep fit, but unless you actually do something about it nothing will change.

It’s taken me a long time to exorcise the demons of long ago and I keep a very positive frame of mind these days. I am happy with where I am and have the desire to improve myself and dreams to fulfill. But there are occasional days when I still panic and think I can’t, and that’s another day lost because of actions of ghosts that haunt me from time gone by.

When you are on your own though, you are the only person who can kick yourself into motion, and you have to keep yourself going to the bitter end, be it failure or success.

And however hard you try to stay positive and rev up that get up and go, sometimes you wish you could have someone else to give you a gentle nudge and whisper “It’s OK, I’m here. Don’t worry – you’ll knock ’em dead!”

So, for anyone who may need a bit of a gentle nudge in the motivation department today, here you go:-

YOU ARE AMAZING! YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO!

NOW GO GET ‘EM 😉

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30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

This blog entry turned up in my reader, via Lesley at “Bucket List Publications”

This post is definitely ”share-worthy” and it is one of those that you think “I wish I’d written it”, so powerful is its message. Many of us have heard the phrase “bucket list”, I myself have a list of things I’d like to do, sometimes, but this post goes one step further by creating a bucket list lifestyle which encompasses treating yourself right and learning from your mistakes. This post is a great reflection of those lessons.

Is there one of these that you do often? Are there several? Let’s let the good things catch up. There are several I regularly do and shouldn’t!

Written by “Mark and Angel Hack Life” – 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself and there’s a follow-up post 30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself

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2013 – A Year of Change

Apparently 2013 is a big year – the numbers when added up together make 6, which signifies change.

According to the lady who did my tarot cards a few months back, at any rate!

Whether you are a believer or sceptic of all things tarot/psychic/etc, I still believe things happen for a reason, whether you have a little tip-off or not!

She said that the next 8-10 weeks for me would be fairly traumatic.

Boy! She could not have got that more right if she had been sitting on my shoulder.

In a nutshell, let’s do a run down of my life in the last 12 weeks:

Thought I’d found ‘him’, but I hadn’t;

Didn’t know I was, until I wasn’t;

Didn’t like what I was doing, so I don’t any more.

It has been, to say the least, one hell of a ride!

And, to be brutally honest, not one that I would volunteer to go on again.

But I have emerged.

Battle-worn, scarred, but still very much alive and breathing.

I thought a couple of years ago I had reached rock bottom, but seems there was still a little way left for me to fall.

I am at the very bottom.

But I am still smiling and I am very much blessed in many ways.

I have SC.

I have my health.

I have my pride and self-respect.

I have a brain that still works.

I have the passion and drive to succeed.

I have so much to be thankful for.

I am free.

And, do you know what, since it is  a year for change, I don’t think I’m going to start climbing back up that mountain!

I’m going to build me a whole new one 😉

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The A-Z of Life – Fear

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself – nameless. unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyses needed efforts to convert retreat into advance” famously said President Roosevelt in 1933.

I’m not just talking about fear of spiders, snakes, other creepy-crawlies or nay other weird phobias out there.

I’m just talking about fear.

And it is true!

We do fear fear.

What stops us in our tracks? What prevents us from shooting for the moon,? Why do we shy away from life?

Because we are afraid.

But what is it exactly that we fear?

Do we fear the failure or do we fear the success?

If we can answer that then we can perhaps overcome our fear of fear,

We all fail at some things at some point in our lives. Some more than others.

However, what from that failure do we learn?

We learn to do things differently.

We learn that we cannot win at everything, and that in all walks of life there will be people better than us – no matter how much we, or those we love sometimes, bolster and boost our egos to an over-inflated size. (You’ve seen X-Factor, right?)

We learn to persevere.

Most importantly, sometimes we learn never to give up trying.

Why would we fear the success though? Of anything in our lives.

Surely, succeeding is what we are all aiming for, so it shouldn’t be feared?

But are we afraid that if we succeed, we will have nothing left to aim for?

Are we afraid that success might lead to happiness, and we fear the happiness maybe short-lived?

Are we afraid that we don’t deserve success?

Are we afraid that we wouldn’t be able to cope with success?

We shouldn’t be afraid of life, and surely if we fear fear, we are letting ourselves ultimately be afraid of life.

I’m afraid. I fear being alone. I fear being old. I fear being a failure.

But if we think positively, we can overcome fear.

I will never really be alone, because  I am blessed to have family and friends.

I cannot stop the march of time, but I can embrace the wisdom age brings.

I fear being a failure, but that doesn’t stop me trying.

Surely the worst thing to do is to let fear, for want of a better expression, get the better of you? For what will that bring or achieve?

After all, a life half-lived is half a life, and the worse thing anyone can do is live their lives in fear.

 

I found a wonderful poem by Suraj Samtani called “Losing Life to Fear”

In fear of being heard,
In fear of being understood,

In fear of not being heard,
In fear of not being understood,

In fear of being misheard,
In fear of being misunderstood,

In fear of hearing too much,
In fear of understanding too much,

In fear of saying too much,
In fear of saying too little,

In fear of being too enlightened,
In fear of not being factually correct,

In fear of being too bright,
In fear of being too ignorant,

In fear of being praised,
In fear of being bullied,

In fear of not being like others,
In fear of losing my individuality,

In fear of being ostracized,
In fear of being camouflaged,

In fear of being the attraction,
In fear of being ignored,

In fear of being too different,
In fear of being too common,

In fear of following others,
In fear of disobeying others,

In fear of being too gullible,
In fear of being too stubborn,

In fear of being used,
In fear of being misused,

In fear of rewards,
In fear of punishments,

In fear of responsibility,
In fear of expectations,

In fear of being trusted,
In fear of being mistrusted,

In fear of your lack of response,
In fear of your over-reaction,

In fear of eternal silence,
In fear of noisy communication,

In fear of your acceptance,
In fear of your rejection,

In fear of exciting you,
In fear of upsetting you,

In fear of loving you,
In fear of hating you,

In fear of your love,
In fear of your hatred,

In fear of being loved,
In fear of being hated,

In fear of thinking,
In fear of existing,

In fear of living,
In fear of dying,

In fear of being myself,
In fear of being another,

In fear of knowing myself,
In fear of neglecting myself,

I lost my voice;
I lost my identity;
I lost my self.

I lost this life;
I lost my life;
I lost life’s life.

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The glass is always half-full

No matter what, it is never half-empty.

I’ve been feeling a bit, well, you know … emotional this week (typical female), but after a good night’s sleep, woke up feeling more positive about things.

After all, if you try looking at something from a different perspective, things are never as bad as we believe they are 😉

 

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All Smoke and No Sparkle

Like a couple of fireworks in the box I bought to set off in the garden for SC this evening my life has felt like this for the last couple of weeks.

I feel like I’ve been trudging through thick, dense fog unable to see myself clearly or indeed the path I am travelling on. Life has well and truly got on top of me, in all aspects.

And like a damp firework my sparkle has almost been extinguished.

I feel very down, apathetic, and my confidence is teetering on the brink.

What I need is someone to give me a good … slap and tell me to pull myself together.

I need to reconnect and start feeling positive again. Only I can do this.

So what’s bothering me?

Work mainly. I have a plan, but have I got the smarts to pull it off?

It is at times like these working for yourself is a bit of a bu**er to say the least. You are literally on your own, so you have to work things out for yourself. I know what I’m not so hot on, maybe I should (seeing as this is a dire emergency) outsource the preliminary work. But then, having been stabbed in the back so many times I am not very trusting, at the best of times, especially when it comes to business – it’s every man for himself!

I feel like I’m juggling far too many balls for my liking. Maybe, the sensible option is to let a couple drop for a while until I get the hang of juggling the few I need, and then start throwing in the odd curve ball?

Too many eggs and all that.

I’ve also been letting idle tittle-tattle and gossip get to me. Nowhere near  as bad as before. It’s something I shouldn’t let affect me, but when you’re feeling a bit down about things the little things just seem to compound and knock your confidence just that little bit further each time.

However, all is not lost.

Like the damp firework, the fuse is still burning, so the danger warning is still relevant.

I may not be as sparkly at the moment as the firework next to me, but I’m still fizzing.

And the fizzing will get stronger and stronger every day until little sparks of colour start firing in all directions. These sparks will get bigger and then watch out!

Sparkle Central 😉

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