Tag Archives: Past

The Psychology of Me

Psychology is all about studying how we think, feel and act.

So I thought it might be quite amusing to try to work out the psychology of me!

 

I think too much. I feel too much. I act too little.

I think with my soul. I feel with my heart. I act with my conscience.

I think kind thoughts. I feel compassion. I act with empathy.

I think of love. I feel hurt. I act like I don’t care.

I think of life. I feel time passing too quickly. I act too slowly.

I think of work. I feel stressed. I act upon my instincts.

I think of the future. I feel afraid. I act to protect myself.

I think of fun. I feel happy. I act like a child.

I think of people who have hurt me. I feel abused. I act like a victim.

I think of family. I feel blessed. I act grateful.

I think of you. I feel alive. I can act as myself.

I think of happiness. I feel blessed. I act positive.

I think of life. I feel glad. I act happy.

 

But what I think, feel and act, sometimes are at complete odds with each other – because:

I’m the girl that smiles even when I’m broken.

I’m the girl that thinks of others, even when I have no one.

I’m the girl who trusts too much in the hope that one day someone will not let me down.

I’m the girl who acts as if she hasn’t a care in the world, when actually I’m worried to the pit of my stomach about everything.

I’m the girl who looks strong, but would easily break.

But I’m the girl who picks herself up every time she falls.

 

 

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Letter to SC

To my darling boy

I never knew how much you could love someone until I had you.

I loved you from the moment I found out I was expecting you.

People might think I’m crazy but I talked to you all the time about how much fun we would have and how much I loved you and was looking forward to holding you in my arms.

The first thing I remember after you were born was holding you in my arms thinking how tiny you were and how clumsy I felt. You were so precious and fragile and new, my hands just felt too big and awkward.

But most of all I felt so much love for you, and thanked the angels for sending me the most beautiful gift.

You have grown into an amazing little boy – I am so proud of you.

I’m sorry that you will be an only child. I didn’t want that for you, it’s just the way life has panned out.

And that’s the first lesson I can teach you. That life, sometimes isn’t fair and we don’t always get what we want or think we deserve. You just have to learn to deal with it.

You can either whinge, moan and mope about it, in which case you’ll always be looking back.

Or you can accept the disappointment. It will hurt for a while, but by accepting it you can move on and carry on living and look forward to more wonderful things that await you.

And that’s the second thing I can teach you – never look back, especially with regret or anger. If you do then you are preventing yourself from growing as a person. Sometimes bad things happen in our lives and we can choose to continue to let past hurts affect the present or learn to forgive and leave the past where it belongs as it has no place in the present.

We cannot change the past, we can only learn from mistakes made by ourselves or forgive the actions of others to free ourselves from their chains in order to become happier within ourselves.

Part of the job description of being a parent is guiding you through the path to adulthood by teaching you right from wrong and giving you a good set of morals by which to live. It’s a tricky path and there will be lots of trials and tribulations, but always remember I am there for you. You can tell me anything that’s worrying you and I won’t ever judge. If you stop talking to me, then I can’t help. We are walking the path together and all you have to do is hold my hand and I will help you through.

We’re a team – it’s you and me kiddo.

The third thing I can teach you is to always be yourself. There’s no point in copying the behaviour or actions of others, it does you no favours in the long run. Don’t follow the herd. Always be your own person, know your own mind and be strong. We are all unique individuals with our own special character, talents and faults. We need to be aware of our own talents and faults in equal measure as no one is perfect. If you can acknowledge your own faults, you can help minimise them.

Let people see the real you, and not what you think they want to see. Your true friends will take you for who you are, warts and all, and be there in your time of need. Those who do not, cannot really be said to be friends at all.

The fourth thing I can teach you is to always strive to do your best. Ambition, determination and a will to succeed are not bad assets to have. Nothing in life is ever handed to you on a plate or for free. The only way you can get what you want is by working your hardest for it.

Sometimes ambition, determination and a will to succeed are still not enough. You can give it your all and you might still not get anywhere. This is not a failure though. It is only a failure if you don’t acknowledge that a project has reached its natural conclusion. If you can accept this, then again we learn lessons and we don’t make the same mistakes again.

I will support and encourage you in whatever you want to do. I’m not the type of parent who is going to force my interests on you and make you do something you don’t want to do. We have to find our own things that we enjoy – hobby and work wise. So, if you want to be an astronaut and explore the farthest corner of the galaxy, then you go out there and make it happen 😉

We all have dreams. Dreams are what keep us going in our darkest hours. But sometimes dreams are just that, dreams. I’m not saying you should let go of them, just realise that some dreams won’t come true, however hard you wish 😉 And that’s probably one of the hardest things to learn, but even though a dream won’t come true doesn’t mean you should stop imagining.

And that’s the fifth thing I can teach you. Never let go of your imagination. Without imagination we are nothing. As children we have the most amazing ability to imagine wonderful things and as we grow older convention somehow stifles this creativity. Sometimes though a little imagination goes a long way to solving problems.

The last thing I can teach you is to try to show compassion and kindness to all. It won’t solve all the worlds problems, but by showing empathy it shows you care. Always remember to do as you would be done by.

I love you so much my darling boy, and am trying to be the best mummy I can for you. I’m learning too 😉

xxxx

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Ready for New Beginnings?

The walls are beginning to crack and I can see daylight appearing.

It’s a long, tough job, but if it means at the end of the day I am happier and open to whatever possibilities and opportunities come my way that’s only got to be a good thing, hasn’t it?

After forgiving others, I must turn to look at myself.

I am responsible for my happiness, no one else. And if I’m not happy, it’s down to me and the choices I made.

If I’m brutally honest with myself I’ve always painted me as the victim. Oh, I’m not saying that bad things haven’t happened, but rather than learn and grow, I’ve allowed myself to become a victim.

So if something bad happens it’s because I deserved it and I wallow, letting self-pity and self-loathing wash over me, until I end up believing that I am a bad person and don’t deserve happiness like everyone else.

I’m making excuses. I’m allowing myself to be a victim. I’m choosing to be unhappy.

That’s just wrong!

Everyone deserves happiness, even me 😉

I need to throw off the victim cloak.

I can’t change the past. The things that have happened, happened. But I can decide and choose whether or not I want to be happy now and in the future.

But how do I do this?

It’s going to take one major league change of mentality and it’s not going to be done in one big leap. Small steps are probably the best way to go.

Maybe the best way to start on the path to happiness is by looking at life as a child again, something wonderful and new with discoveries to be made and adventures to be had every day.

When did life stop being wonderful and why?

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Life is all…

… should have, would have, could have, don’t you think?

I should have bought a house years ago, instead of dithering about wondering whether prices would go down before they sky-rocketed into the stratosphere!

I would have gone to New Zealand to visit the ‘rellies’ had I actually booked a flight instead of waiting until I am now to petrified to actually get on a plane – although I’m getting over this one and actually planning to take SC for a visit … initially (plans are afoot, but more about that in another post) 😉

I could have gone to work abroad, if I’d accepted the contract, instead of passing up the opportunity to try to keep hold of a relationship that was going nowhere!

But there’ s no sense regretting any of it. After all as Eleanor Roosevelt said “the past is history, the future is a mystery and today is a gift that’s why it is called the present!”

Each day is a gift, and I try to live each day to its fullest – with no regrets 😉

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Wednesday Wisdom

I can’t change the past.

I can’t predict the future.

All I can live for is the present.

We have to trust our feelings.

I believe how I feel.

I have faith in my belief.

I have been given the gift of hope.

I trust that gift.

I am learning patience.

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