Tag Archives: parenting

So, it’s easy being a single mother is it?

Apparently Mylene Klass has said she loves being a single mum, she wants to ‘own’ it (whatever the hecky thump that phrase means) or #someothershit

Well, and please excuse the sarcasm here but it probably helps if you have millions in the bank, nannies or au pairs and not much else to have to worry about.

But for those of us who live in the real world the answer is slightly different.

No, it isn’t easy.

It’s bloody hard work!

I certainly didn’t set out to be a single mother, but ended up one pretty much from day 1. (And no, before anyone jumps in, I have never, ever denied any contact – just like to make that clear)

You don’t just have to be 1 parent, you have to be 2 rolled into 1.

The job is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, with no break.

No one to say “you know what, you have a lie in and I’ll take the baby out for a couple of hours!” – and believe me after 18months of being woken every 1½hours I looked like the living dead, followed by not actually sleeping through the night until he was 4, it’s no wonder I have bags under my eyes the size of a 747 cargo-hold!

No one to help you when they’re sick with a fever of 104, or having night terrors and you have no clue what to do.

No one to help out if you’re sick.

No one to talk to.

Now, I will admit I am luckier than a lot of lone parents out there, my parents took us in, and yes I don’t have to worry about rent or food. But I don’t and never have just sat back and taken advantage of their good nature – and I will never ever be able to repay them.

I don’t go out every night of the week, sleeping with any Tom, Dick or Harry.  In fact, it is very rare I go out at all – I go ballroom dancing once a week and that pretty much sums up the extent of my social life.

And yes, my so-called friends thought I had the life of Riley because I lived back with my parents. Why my parents do all the work for me and I can just swan about doing jack-all.

Actually that couldn’t be further from the truth.

I actually hold down so many jobs it’s unbelievable.

I’m obviously a full-time “most-epic-awesomest” mummy ever.

But I’m also, full-time housemaid, chef, laundry woman and most lately elderly carer.

And a business owner – which as you can see is not very far up the list due to all the other stuff that has to be done.

Then there’s the fact that I am still living with my parents and trying to bring up my child – can you see where this one’s heading? Yup! I say something to SC, they yell at me, for getting cross with him, and then in the next breath say I’m letting him rule the roost!!

And yes, I am extremely lucky that I do have my parents there if I am unable to do the school run because I need to be at work early, or can’t get home in time, or if I am unwell they are to help.

So, it’s not a doddle.  It certainly wasn’t a career choice and I wouldn’t say I ‘own’ it!

And yes, there are times, quite a lot if truth be told, where I wish there was handsome prince, just someone to talk to – about anything, someone to share the load with, someone to put their arm around me and say “don’t worry, I’m here for you, I’ll protect you!”

So, it is hard, very hard indeed, but it does have an extremely brilliant plus side.

SC and I have the most amazing relationship. The bond is unbreakable. And yes, I know, he’s only mine for a short time, but right now he is my entire world.

We are a team!

And I wouldn’t swap what we have, or have had, for anything.

 

 

 

 

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There are fairies at the bottom of my garden…

…all ringing little bells!fairy dust

Not really, but SC now has a fairy friend.

The other day he wrote a secret note to the fairies to ask for a cat, and requested it be delivered the following day at 4pm.

Now obviously, I didn’t want him to be too disappointed when it didn’t arrive – not least because my dad needs seriously buttering up to get a new cat – I decided to write a letter back to SC from the fairies.

I used a handwriting font and some cream coloured paper to print it out on and then tore it down to size, so it looked more ‘fairy-like’.

I explained that fairyland didn’t have any kittens at present and that they (the fairies) wanted to make sure he had the perfect cat for him, so he had to be patient.

The following morning he woke up (super early, even by his standards – 4:30am is not a time I wish to be re-acquainted with), and when he found the note he was beside himself with joy – announcing he’d got a new best fairy friend – I called her Petal!

So, he wrote a letter back, and now I have to write another reply!!

What have I gotten myself into?

On the minus side, I have to write reply letters.

On the plus side, he seems to be content he has a confidante – so to speak – and maybe through the letters I can get Petal to help explain why some behaviour is not appropriate, without it being me the only one saying that he shouldn’t do this and that attitude is not appropriate!

Well, I guess I best get my fairy wings on (no joke I have some) wave my magic wand and write another letter before sprinkling it with fairy dust and leaving it on top of his note!

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The A-Z of Life – Respect

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. find out what it means to me – goes the song.

Well first and foremost I believe we have to respect ourselves. If we don’t no one else will.

I believe we should respect our elders, be they teachers, superiors at work, or even just the little old lady at the bus stop. That’s what I was brought up to think and I shiver at the thought that children these days are not being brought up to respect their elders.

If, as parents, we do not teach our children to automatically respect their elders (not necessarily because they are their betters, but because they happen to be older and perhaps more wise in the ways of the world) we are perhaps failing in our parental duties by sending out the signal that children demand automatic respect from adults and that adults have to earn that respect rather than the other way around.

I remember at secondary school (and this was only  in the 80s) having to stand up as soon as the teacher walked in the room. It was an automatic, no questions asked, response and certainly the thought that the teacher had to earn our respect before we would stand up for them never crossed our minds. And yet a couple of years ago I remember some hoo-ha in the paper about a boy being suspended from school because he had refused to stand up when a teacher walked in (the new head had just instilled this as a school rule) and the father (probably about my age) rather than agreeing with the head sided with his son saying teachers needed to earn respect.

And when it comes to relationships I firmly believe we need to respect our partners and would like to think that a good relationship was one that is:

Romantic

Enjoyable

Sincere

Passionate

Enchanting

Connected

Tender

 

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Letter to SC

To my darling boy

I never knew how much you could love someone until I had you.

I loved you from the moment I found out I was expecting you.

People might think I’m crazy but I talked to you all the time about how much fun we would have and how much I loved you and was looking forward to holding you in my arms.

The first thing I remember after you were born was holding you in my arms thinking how tiny you were and how clumsy I felt. You were so precious and fragile and new, my hands just felt too big and awkward.

But most of all I felt so much love for you, and thanked the angels for sending me the most beautiful gift.

You have grown into an amazing little boy – I am so proud of you.

I’m sorry that you will be an only child. I didn’t want that for you, it’s just the way life has panned out.

And that’s the first lesson I can teach you. That life, sometimes isn’t fair and we don’t always get what we want or think we deserve. You just have to learn to deal with it.

You can either whinge, moan and mope about it, in which case you’ll always be looking back.

Or you can accept the disappointment. It will hurt for a while, but by accepting it you can move on and carry on living and look forward to more wonderful things that await you.

And that’s the second thing I can teach you – never look back, especially with regret or anger. If you do then you are preventing yourself from growing as a person. Sometimes bad things happen in our lives and we can choose to continue to let past hurts affect the present or learn to forgive and leave the past where it belongs as it has no place in the present.

We cannot change the past, we can only learn from mistakes made by ourselves or forgive the actions of others to free ourselves from their chains in order to become happier within ourselves.

Part of the job description of being a parent is guiding you through the path to adulthood by teaching you right from wrong and giving you a good set of morals by which to live. It’s a tricky path and there will be lots of trials and tribulations, but always remember I am there for you. You can tell me anything that’s worrying you and I won’t ever judge. If you stop talking to me, then I can’t help. We are walking the path together and all you have to do is hold my hand and I will help you through.

We’re a team – it’s you and me kiddo.

The third thing I can teach you is to always be yourself. There’s no point in copying the behaviour or actions of others, it does you no favours in the long run. Don’t follow the herd. Always be your own person, know your own mind and be strong. We are all unique individuals with our own special character, talents and faults. We need to be aware of our own talents and faults in equal measure as no one is perfect. If you can acknowledge your own faults, you can help minimise them.

Let people see the real you, and not what you think they want to see. Your true friends will take you for who you are, warts and all, and be there in your time of need. Those who do not, cannot really be said to be friends at all.

The fourth thing I can teach you is to always strive to do your best. Ambition, determination and a will to succeed are not bad assets to have. Nothing in life is ever handed to you on a plate or for free. The only way you can get what you want is by working your hardest for it.

Sometimes ambition, determination and a will to succeed are still not enough. You can give it your all and you might still not get anywhere. This is not a failure though. It is only a failure if you don’t acknowledge that a project has reached its natural conclusion. If you can accept this, then again we learn lessons and we don’t make the same mistakes again.

I will support and encourage you in whatever you want to do. I’m not the type of parent who is going to force my interests on you and make you do something you don’t want to do. We have to find our own things that we enjoy – hobby and work wise. So, if you want to be an astronaut and explore the farthest corner of the galaxy, then you go out there and make it happen 😉

We all have dreams. Dreams are what keep us going in our darkest hours. But sometimes dreams are just that, dreams. I’m not saying you should let go of them, just realise that some dreams won’t come true, however hard you wish 😉 And that’s probably one of the hardest things to learn, but even though a dream won’t come true doesn’t mean you should stop imagining.

And that’s the fifth thing I can teach you. Never let go of your imagination. Without imagination we are nothing. As children we have the most amazing ability to imagine wonderful things and as we grow older convention somehow stifles this creativity. Sometimes though a little imagination goes a long way to solving problems.

The last thing I can teach you is to try to show compassion and kindness to all. It won’t solve all the worlds problems, but by showing empathy it shows you care. Always remember to do as you would be done by.

I love you so much my darling boy, and am trying to be the best mummy I can for you. I’m learning too 😉

xxxx

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I lie with you until you are asleep – A Sonnet

I found the link to this in my twitter feed this morning. It is from http://www.the-mule.com/2012/09/i-lie-with-you-until-you-are-asleep.html blog and it is the most beautiful poem I have ever read about what being a parent means:

I lie with you until you are asleep

I lie with you until you are asleep,
Ten minutes, twenty, thirty, often more,
Clocks tick, frustration builds, yet still I keep,
And stay with you on your side of the door.
Out there, my old life tempts, a voice cries, “Fail!”,
And tells me there are better things to do,
The world shrinks down, we both exhale,
And drift together, touching souls, we two.
In age, perhaps, you’ll do the same for me,
And hold my papery hand, and stroke my hair,
You’ll know the worth of love’s proximity,
The gift we give by simply being there.
A final kiss, a sigh, a comfort deep:
I lie with you until you are asleep

 

It’s the most wonderful thing to watch your children drift off to dreamland, cuddled up in your arms. SC has gone off to sleep this way since the day he was born. And, yes, even after he has drifted off and I attempt to extricate my arm as quietly as possible, I always give him a kiss and tell him how much I love him.

 

 

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