Tag Archives: negativity

Top 5 Lessons I’ve Learned in Life

You may be seated, class is about to begin 😉life

As I’ve meandered through this thing called life, this is what I have learned, so far:

5.  Don’t get on the negative horses – such as anger, bitterness, self-pity, self-doubt, etc. If someone or something has happened to you then yes, your first reaction may be something negative. But if you stay with that negative frame of mind then that is your choice, not the person, or thing, that hurt you. And then the only person you are hurting is yourself. This is a phrase I have only recently discovered and yes, at times it is very difficult to stay off those damn horses, especially if SC is faffing about when it comes to getting homework done (I swear pulling hen’s teeth would be easier!). But I am getting better at letting those negative horses stay grazing in the field, whilst I stay with the positive team 😉

4.  Treat everyone with kindness – yes, they may not treat you the same in return, but surely that says more about them than you. And by treating everyone with kindness, even if it is just a smile, or offering your seat to someone, then you could make a difference to that person’s day. So my act of kindness today is to send everyone a big smile. 🙂

3.  Keep Learning – learning doesn’t stop when you finish school. The more we learn, the more we grow as people. And we learn and grow from life experiences, and if we don’t then life will keep throwing the same stuff at you until you do learn it. It’s a bit like continuous assessment rather than actually ever having to sit down and take an exam. I think one of the toughest lessons I’ve learned is when it comes to relationships to just let it flow. When I first went out with Boomerang Boy we saw each other continuously for 3 weeks, then it was a case of adios senorita. When I next went out with someone and he dumped me I was accused of being too clingy. Then I went to the other extreme and got accused of being too cold and distant! (And yes, I did tut and think “MEN! ARGH!”) But now, if I ever got the chance I would take it slowly and let them do most of the chasing – after all isn’t that what men really want, it’s the whole hunter/gatherer thing – and if they say they’re busy I wouldn’t freak out, like I would have done way back when, I would give them their space and wait for them to come back from the man cave. And if they don’t, then clearly their chapter in my life is over, and I would give thanks for the memories and let go – after all “I’m not a stop along the way, I’m a destination!”

2. Grab life by the Balls (‘scuse my language!) – you’ve got to. You only get one life and as they say “it’s not a dress rehearsal darling!”. Why just exist, when you can live? You have to grab each and every opportunity and curve ball life throws at you. Embrace them, live them. They may be good or not so good. If they are good then your life will be enriched and if they are not so good then you learn and grow from them. There are 86,400 seconds in each day, and I have started pretending after reading it somewhere (think it was one of the quote things I found on Pinterest) that if we think of them as £86,400 that we have to spend each and every day, where no money gets rolled over, you have to spend it all, and wisely, why on earth would you waste a single second? After all, we never know when there won’t be a tomorrow!

1.  Be You, wholeheartedly  – as the saying goes “why fit in when you were born to stand out!” I remind SC of this fairly regularly, and explain that it has taken me most of my life to actually work it out. I am, at last, happy and contented in my own skin. I know who I am, what I am and, equally important what I am not. And I most certainly am not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. I have many faults but I take each one and try to improve them. I am quirky, some may even call me strange and weird, but does that bother me? Nope. Not any more. No one can be anything other than themselves really. We can try to fit into some kind of mould that society wants us to, but that doesn’t make us happy. It makes us miserable, as we try desperately to please everyone and make others like us for what we are not. We can only be truly happy by being true to ourselves. And the most important thing I have learned about being me, is that the only person I need ever aim to please is me.

So, there you go, they are my Top 5 lessons I have learned.

What have you learned on your journey through life?

 

 

 

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A-Z of Life – Attitude

positive attitudeA couple of years ago I wrote a series of posts titled “The A-Z of Life”.

Well, I’ve re-read them all over the last couple of days and realised just how far I have come on my journey through life since then.  Re-reading them now, I can actually see where my head was and what a mess I was.

So, I thought I might do another series of the “A-Z of Life”, using different words for each letter, but now I am in a happier, more positive place it will be interesting to compare the 2.

So, let’s start at the very beginning, as the song goes.

A is for Attitude.

Over the last couple of years I have tried very hard to improve my attitude towards life in general.

I was in a very dark place. Aside from having SC, I felt as though my life was worthless. I felt like a complete failure as a human being – it seemed like everything I touched disintegrated around me. I couldn’t see a way out from the bottom of the very deep, dark pit I was in.

I don’t know where or when or how, but one day I realised I had to do something. Life was rushing past and I was stuck in tar not moving anywhere.

I needed to seize back the power over my life.

But it needed to be done with little steps.

After reading many, many, many books I sort of sectioned my life out. Work, health, etc.

And then tackled one section at a time.

For example, with work after freeing myself of the franchise, I sat down and wrote list after list after list about what I was good at, what I would like from a career, what I wanted to do, etc. And finally, I literally had an epiphany about what I should do, and so I decided to do it. I love my job not only from the enormous job satisfaction it gives me, but because it’s something I created.

But the main thing that happened during this time was that I went from thinking very negatively about myself and life to thinking how lucky and blessed I am.

So that one small change from negative thinking to positive thinking does work.

You may not see it immediately, but if you think positive, you begin to act more positively and start off a chain reaction so that more and more areas of your life feel more positive.

I’m not saying that there aren’t little stumbles along the way – we aren’t perfect! And it is hard.  This week, for example, I’ve been a bit less positive, because I am trying to get into a play and I’m letting my nerves and ”Charlie’ get the better of me – literally to the point of nausea. But I just need to keep thinking positive and flip my thinking.

That’s the main thing I’ve learned – a positive attitude leads to a happier and more fulfilled life.

So think positive and keep smiling 😉

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Doubt

“Doubt is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.” ~ Buddha

We can doubt anything – others, the world, our selves. We can have that doubt fleetingly for a second or let it eat away until it becomes unhealthy. We cannot survive doubt unless we have faith. I’m not talking about religion, but to overcome the doubt we need to have faith in others, the world and believe in ourselves.

It isn’t easy. I doubt, everything, every day.

I find it very difficult to believe in myself and my abilities. A while ago I was subject to some jealous musings, for want of a better word and I let it get to me. Just as I let the school bullies get to me. It’s taken me 20 odd years to finally crawl back out into the sunlight. I still worry and fret about my abilities, but I have renewed faith and energy and more importantly believe that I can do it. Occasionally I have a blip of doubt, but for that one negative thought about my ability I think of a positive thought to counterbalance it and it makes me feel better.

I find it very difficult to believe others. Call me cynical. But, I’ve been betrayed by too many who have taken advantage of my generous nature that I’ve built up barriers which are very difficult to break down. And the moment I let my defences down I end up getting hurt again. I try to have faith in others, but always at the back of my mind I’m wary that if I give too much away it’ll all end in disaster!

I like to think that the world can be a better place, I don’t like to think that SC and his generation are going to have nothing left of this beautiful planet, after the current generation have blown it all to bits in a quest for ‘peace’, polluted everything with our dependency on air/car travel, heat & light, and destroyed the flora and fauna of our world in a quest for ‘development’. We need to stop and think, before it’s too late!

Everyone has doubts, we just need to work out whether we can overcome them or not!

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