Tag Archives: needs

Are men and women the same?

Someone once asked me if I thought men and women were the same.men-women

I said that I thought they were, fundamentally, which they didn’t, and I still stand firm in my opinion.

Despite the obvious physical differences, I still believe in a nutshell that deep-down men, like women, feel the same emotions, have the same needs and want the same things.

After all, we are essentially made from the same genetic material, so why would we differ psychologically, so to speak?

It’s just that somewhere along the lines of human development from caveman to present-day the lines have become somewhat muddled, and men have been programmed to suppress their emotions.

The advancement of feminism has also thrown a spanner in the works. Men now longer know whether or not to try to be chivalrous by opening doors, etc., as they don’t know which camp a woman is in – they will either be met with a thank you, or a torrent of feministic rhetoric about how we can open our own doors, thank you!

The key to fulfilling our emotions, wants and needs whether you are a man or a woman is communication.

Without communication we just end up making assumptions about the other person – for example, how many women reading this have thought that because a man doesn’t call that he isn’t interested in them? Maybe the man is sitting at home unsure whether to call, because he is assuming you are not interested in him?

Men are just as afraid of being rejected as women are.

It’s this reading between the lines, adding 2 and 2 together and coming up with 17 that means we tend to get everything screwed up.

Honest communication is vital in any relationship in life – be it business or pleasure – and sometimes, ladies and gentlemen, we just have to screw “The Rules” and open the door first, take a chance.

What’s the worst that can happen?

We get laughed at, rejected, etc.

But surely that’s not as bad as spending a lifetime wondering … what if?

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Learning to be happy alone …

… is the hardest lesson to learn!

There’s truth in the old saying “if you’re not happy with yourself then you won’t be happy with anyone else”, because if you can’t be happy on your own, what makes you think you’ll be happy with someone?

Sometimes the loneliest place on earth is being in a dead-end relationship – you try to convince yourself, and all around, that everything’s rosy, and you do nothing because you hope it will come right in the end. All the while though you are desperately treading water in a vain attempt to keep afloat, but instead find yourself sinking further and further into yourself, whilst the relationship saps away every last bit of your self-worth, self-belief and life energy.

I know! I’ve been in 2 like it.

Each time it takes longer to grasp back some semblance of self-worth, or sparkle as some people call it.

But does being happy with yourself and by yourself mean that you’ll end up lonely, or indeed as some people say ‘on the shelf’ for eternity?

I would say not. Ever the optimist and looking on the bright side, if you are happy with yourself and by yourself then that surely only enhances a relationship with someone else. Because you’re not needy.

I read once, and believe it’s true, that if you are feeling negative you attract people who have the same type of feelings. For example, as you know when I started going out with father of SC (Mr Wrong No. 2) I had not long been out of the relationship with Mr Wrong No. 1. I was not in a good place emotionally and to be honest neither was he as he was still reeling from his marriage breaking down. So 2 people feeling down, unloved, etc, were attracted to each other when in normal circumstances, i.e., no lack of sparkle on either side, the spark would not even try to ignite! (Believe me!)

Although, I’m on my own, I am in a very happy, secure place in my life. I’m actually happiest on my own, with my own thoughts (although we all know I think way too much, and that does me no good whatsoever), going about my life. Sure I get down, moan, confused, etc., but then who doesn’t when they’ve had bad days, and that’s why I blog to release all my feelings, as I don’t have anyone to talk to.

But the main thing is that I don’t need to have a man in my life in order to be happy. For sure, I would like to be in a normal, happy, loving relationship but I don’t need to be in order to feel fulfilled.

And therein lies the difference. Want is not the same as need!

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