Tag Archives: men

Top 5 Lessons I’ve Learned in Life

You may be seated, class is about to begin 😉life

As I’ve meandered through this thing called life, this is what I have learned, so far:

5.  Don’t get on the negative horses – such as anger, bitterness, self-pity, self-doubt, etc. If someone or something has happened to you then yes, your first reaction may be something negative. But if you stay with that negative frame of mind then that is your choice, not the person, or thing, that hurt you. And then the only person you are hurting is yourself. This is a phrase I have only recently discovered and yes, at times it is very difficult to stay off those damn horses, especially if SC is faffing about when it comes to getting homework done (I swear pulling hen’s teeth would be easier!). But I am getting better at letting those negative horses stay grazing in the field, whilst I stay with the positive team 😉

4.  Treat everyone with kindness – yes, they may not treat you the same in return, but surely that says more about them than you. And by treating everyone with kindness, even if it is just a smile, or offering your seat to someone, then you could make a difference to that person’s day. So my act of kindness today is to send everyone a big smile. 🙂

3.  Keep Learning – learning doesn’t stop when you finish school. The more we learn, the more we grow as people. And we learn and grow from life experiences, and if we don’t then life will keep throwing the same stuff at you until you do learn it. It’s a bit like continuous assessment rather than actually ever having to sit down and take an exam. I think one of the toughest lessons I’ve learned is when it comes to relationships to just let it flow. When I first went out with Boomerang Boy we saw each other continuously for 3 weeks, then it was a case of adios senorita. When I next went out with someone and he dumped me I was accused of being too clingy. Then I went to the other extreme and got accused of being too cold and distant! (And yes, I did tut and think “MEN! ARGH!”) But now, if I ever got the chance I would take it slowly and let them do most of the chasing – after all isn’t that what men really want, it’s the whole hunter/gatherer thing – and if they say they’re busy I wouldn’t freak out, like I would have done way back when, I would give them their space and wait for them to come back from the man cave. And if they don’t, then clearly their chapter in my life is over, and I would give thanks for the memories and let go – after all “I’m not a stop along the way, I’m a destination!”

2. Grab life by the Balls (‘scuse my language!) – you’ve got to. You only get one life and as they say “it’s not a dress rehearsal darling!”. Why just exist, when you can live? You have to grab each and every opportunity and curve ball life throws at you. Embrace them, live them. They may be good or not so good. If they are good then your life will be enriched and if they are not so good then you learn and grow from them. There are 86,400 seconds in each day, and I have started pretending after reading it somewhere (think it was one of the quote things I found on Pinterest) that if we think of them as £86,400 that we have to spend each and every day, where no money gets rolled over, you have to spend it all, and wisely, why on earth would you waste a single second? After all, we never know when there won’t be a tomorrow!

1.  Be You, wholeheartedly  – as the saying goes “why fit in when you were born to stand out!” I remind SC of this fairly regularly, and explain that it has taken me most of my life to actually work it out. I am, at last, happy and contented in my own skin. I know who I am, what I am and, equally important what I am not. And I most certainly am not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. I have many faults but I take each one and try to improve them. I am quirky, some may even call me strange and weird, but does that bother me? Nope. Not any more. No one can be anything other than themselves really. We can try to fit into some kind of mould that society wants us to, but that doesn’t make us happy. It makes us miserable, as we try desperately to please everyone and make others like us for what we are not. We can only be truly happy by being true to ourselves. And the most important thing I have learned about being me, is that the only person I need ever aim to please is me.

So, there you go, they are my Top 5 lessons I have learned.

What have you learned on your journey through life?

 

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Top 10

Is perfection ever attainable?

I only ask, because the other day I overheard a window cleaner saying to his mate that “the perfect woman doesn’t exist!”

And how many times are women heard bemoaning the fact that the perfect man isn’t out there either?

Are we all actually just striving for something that, in the end, doesn’t exist?

Who decides what makes a perfect man/woman?

We all know the sterotypes that are thrust upon us via various mediums – tall, dark, brooding and handsome men, and stick thin women, with perfect hair and skin, or blonde, blue-eyed with big …!

And as children, fairytales are all very well and good, but do women ever get the literary knight in shining armour who will fight to the death for her, and likewise do men get the beautiful perfect princess?

With the opposite sex put on extremely high pedestals for us, is it any wonder that after searching for perfection we seem to just give up, or settle and then bemoan our not-so-perfect partners’ foibles!

But would perfection be in fact perfect?

After all, if you had the stick-thin, perfect haired model could you put up with her eating nothing, except maybe the odd bit of tissue paper, and smoking like a chimney to stave off the hunger pangs, or if she did eat, hold her hair for her whilst she made herself sick out of guilt that she may have just eaten something that would put on an ounce?

Or if you had the dark, brooding handsome type, would it get a bit too boring with all that brooding and not any mental action?

And because we are all seem to be striving to find the ‘perfect’ partner, when we hit a curve in the road, or a not-so-perfect one time after time, the pedestal starts wavering and then tottering and then falls over and smashes on to the ground leaving us feeling that we are not worthy of that ‘perfect’ love because of all the hurt we have endured and that all members of the opposite sex are bar stewards/b**ches ** [** delete as appropriate]

And once we fall into the trap of believing in the stereotype, i.e., all members of the opposite sex are…, that apparently is a rut we stay in until we snap ourselves out of it. So every potential partner we meet, instead of seeing the good, our subconscious tells us that it will all end badly and therefore we get what we deserve. Our words, thoughts and feelings form our realities, as they say

I have been in this rut for so many years I have lost count – previous encounters left me feeling that I am unworthy of being loved, therefore with each new encounter I try too hard and end up constantly being treated like a doormat with no feelings. That is my failing, no one else’s. My experience has led me to fall into the belief that all men will walk all over me, and consequently that is what has happened. I need to realise that it is not true of all men, there are some good ones out there … somewhere, and that I need to treat any new encounter as just that. A new encounter – with no hang-ups about Mr Wrongs past.

Everyone is worthy of being loved for who they are, even me, and everyone deserves to be respected for who they are.

We are all individuals, each uniquely different, with amazing qualities if we care to look beneath the surface.

Maybe we need to smash the ‘perfect man/woman’ ideal and become more flexible in our perception of perfection, then we will be able to find that there is a perfect someone out there for all of us?

Leave a comment

Filed under life

Friday Poem – In the Orchard

orchardThis lovely poem is by Muriel Stuart (1885-1967), an English poet. This is her most famous piece of work, a poem made up of nothing but dialogue and no verse form.

In the Orchard

‘I thought you loved me.’

‘No, it was only fun.’

‘When we stood there, closer than all?’

‘Well, the harvest moon was shining and queer in your hair, and it turned my head.’

‘That made you?’

‘Yes.’

‘Just the moon and the light it made under the tree?’

‘Well, your mouth too.’

‘Yes, my mouth?’

‘And the quiet there that sang like the drum in the booth. You shouldn’t have danced like that.’

‘Like what?’

‘So close, with your head turned up, and the flower in your hair, a rose that smelt all warm.’

‘I loved you. I thought you knew I wouldn’t have danced like that with any but you.’

‘I didn’t know, I thought you knew it was fun.’

‘I thought it was love you meant.’

‘Well, it’s done.’

‘Yes, it’s done. I’ve seen boys stone a blackbird, and watched them drown a kitten… it clawed at the reeds, and they pushed it down into the pool while it screamed. Is that fun, too?’

‘Well, boys are like that… Your brothers…’

‘Yes, I know. But you, so lovely and strong! Not you! Not you!’

‘They don’t understand it’s cruel. It’s only a game.’

‘And are girls fun too?’

‘No, still in a way it’s the same. It’s queer and lovely to have a girl…’

‘Go on.’

‘It makes you mad for a bit to feel she’s your own, and you laugh and kiss her, and maybe you give her a ring, but it’s only in fun.’

‘But I gave you everything.’

‘Well, you shouldn’t have done it. You know what a fellow thinks when a girl does that.’

‘Yes, he talks of her over his drinks and calls her a–‘

‘Stop that now, I thought you knew.’

‘But it wasn’t with anyone else. It was only you.’

‘How did I know? I thought you wanted it too. I thought you were like the rest. Well, what’s to be done?’

‘To be done’

‘Is it all right?’

‘Yes.’

‘Sure?’

‘Yes, but why?’

‘I don’t know, I thought you were going to cry. You said you had something to tell me.’

‘Yes, I know. It wasn’t anything really… I think I’ll go.’

‘Yes, it’s late. There’s thunder about, a drop of rain fell on my hand in the dark. I’ll see you again at the dance next week. You’re sure that everything’s right?’

‘Yes,’

‘Well, I’ll be going.’

‘Kiss me…’

‘Good night.’

‘Good night.’

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Friday Poem

What every girl wants…

I saw this in a shop today…what i want

Leave a comment

Filed under life

How Men & Women Think!

I got sent this and thought it very amusing 😉

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

WOMAN’S DIARY

28 July 2007 Saturday

Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely.

I’d been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and was a bit late meeting him. I thought it might be that.
The bar was really crowded and loud, so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.
He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we went somewhere nice to eat.
All through dinner he just didn’t seem himself – he hardly laughed and didn’t seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying, I just knew that something was wrong.
He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in. He hesitated but followed.
I asked him what was wrong, but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.
After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile.
He didn’t follow me up immediately but came up later and, to my surprise, we made love – but he still seemed distant and a bit cold.
I cried myself to sleep. I think he’s planning to leave me. Maybe he’s found someone else.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

MAN’S DIARY

Saturday 28 July

United lost.

Gutted.

Got a shag though!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Goodness! No wonder research has discovered that women use many more words, and talk more than men 😉

Although she does sound a bit needy to me!

I would have thought he’d had a bad day at the office and will tell me as and when he decides to come out of his cave, if he wants to – doesn’t mean I wouldn’t care that he was sad. I certainly wouldn’t think he was planning to leave though!

I firmly believe that a trouble shared is a trouble halved, and sometimes when we get stressed about anything, it can help to have someone to talk too. Even if they can’t help with the problem, at least you don’t feel as if you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.

That’s why communication with partners is, in my opinion, vital for a healthy relationship.

We all need our own “cave time” occasionally, but if both sides knows that the other is there and will always listen with an open mind and heart should it be necessary, then silly little things will never get blown up out of all proportions.

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under life

Men are like French Doors…

…they just lead you up the garden path!

Ain’t that the darn truth!!!

I love that line from the musical The Boy Friend, has me in stitches every time. I was just reminded of it today, as I listened to the CD of the show.

1 Comment

Filed under General

Are men and women the same?

Someone once asked me if I thought men and women were the same.men-women

I said that I thought they were, fundamentally, which they didn’t, and I still stand firm in my opinion.

Despite the obvious physical differences, I still believe in a nutshell that deep-down men, like women, feel the same emotions, have the same needs and want the same things.

After all, we are essentially made from the same genetic material, so why would we differ psychologically, so to speak?

It’s just that somewhere along the lines of human development from caveman to present-day the lines have become somewhat muddled, and men have been programmed to suppress their emotions.

The advancement of feminism has also thrown a spanner in the works. Men now longer know whether or not to try to be chivalrous by opening doors, etc., as they don’t know which camp a woman is in – they will either be met with a thank you, or a torrent of feministic rhetoric about how we can open our own doors, thank you!

The key to fulfilling our emotions, wants and needs whether you are a man or a woman is communication.

Without communication we just end up making assumptions about the other person – for example, how many women reading this have thought that because a man doesn’t call that he isn’t interested in them? Maybe the man is sitting at home unsure whether to call, because he is assuming you are not interested in him?

Men are just as afraid of being rejected as women are.

It’s this reading between the lines, adding 2 and 2 together and coming up with 17 that means we tend to get everything screwed up.

Honest communication is vital in any relationship in life – be it business or pleasure – and sometimes, ladies and gentlemen, we just have to screw “The Rules” and open the door first, take a chance.

What’s the worst that can happen?

We get laughed at, rejected, etc.

But surely that’s not as bad as spending a lifetime wondering … what if?

Leave a comment

Filed under life