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Being Me

“Be yourself!”

Isn’t that what we’re always told when we’re growing up?

But yet, when we are ourselves, if we don’t ‘fit in’ to society’s nice little pigeon holes we are derided, ridiculed, shunned and made to feel worthless.

Just because we dared to be ourselves. Dared to be different.

That’s when we start to hide our true selves, hide behind a mask, hide behind a façade, hide our feelings from the world, scared to let the world see the real us.

I’ve spent most of my life apologising.

Apologising for what? Apologising for being me and then trying desperately to be something and someone that I’m just clearly not meant to be.

I built up walls around myself to protect me from everything – life, people, the world, myself – but those walls kept me a prisoner.

I was afraid to be me.

And yet life went on. The world kept spinning, time kept marching on and I just existed.

But. And it’s a big but.

I realised in the end you have to be yourself, otherwise you are just living a lie.

As I said in my 1st post of this new blog, over the past couple of years I have undergone a transformation. I have been Joshua and those walls of Jericho have come tumbling down.

I have forgiven myself and come to love who I am.

I have learned from mistakes past and grown.

I always look on the bright side and try to see the kindness in others.

I try to start each day on a positive note and am thankful for everything I am and everything I have.

For sure there are days when I do let things get to me, but instead of worrying, hiding or beating myself up, I just let life flow and make the most of every opportunity or curve ball life throws me.

I know I’m not perfect and I’m not even pretending I am, but I’m right now I feel more alive than I have ever done … and it’s a great feeling 😉

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What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

I read an amazing book the other week. I’d heard about it years ago, Mr Wrong No. 1 read it, and I noticed it on the bookshelf in the local bookstore the other week and thought I’d buy it.where to go It’s not very long and only took me an hour to read it, but it was extremely good.

What book was it?

“Who Moved My Cheese?” by Dr Spencer Johnson.

It’s a small story and can be applied to any area of life, work, relationships, health, etc.

I won’t spoil the story, suffice to say it is peppered with good, common sense advice and makes you think about whatever it is you are worried about at the time you read the book.

One of the questions asked is “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”

You know, that moment of stepping off the precipice into the unknown. Do you step or do you not? Does fear hold you back, or does that fear prompt you into action?

Well, when I read the book my immediate thought was with regard to my business. I have so many ideas that I want to try in order to move things forward, but fear is holding me back.

But what is my ultimate fear?

It certainly isn’t about making a fool of myself and being laughed at from trying – that pretty much happens most of the time, so that I can deal with.

Maybe it’s actually a deep-rooted fear connected with what might happen if I did manage to pull off a big coup – how would that impact SC? would I actually be able to fulfill promises? how would the ‘mother-ship’ feel that I’ve effectively gone over their heads and done something inventive off my own back? etc.

Maybe it’s not connected with that at all, but the mere thought of failure and disappointing my father.

My dad has always been there whenever I’ve needed advice on a business level – but one thing always stand out in his advice, and that is his belief that I, like him, cannot sell. And maybe it’s actually his fear that’s holding me back.

He never fails to remind me, that my weakness is sales and marketing. Even though over the last 6 months I think I’ve lost count of the number of marketing e-books I’ve downloaded and poured over. Not that I’m, by any stretch of the imagination an expert, and would never profess to be, but I think I now know enough to get over the hurdle.

So what would I do if I weren’t afraid?

I would create that website.

I would, pardon the expression, ‘sod’ the mothership and do it anyway – after all, I’m running a business, which I need to make money, not a nice little 2nd income earner. And besides, why would they be upset – probably only because they didn’t think of it first 😉

I would run into the unknown and live every single moment – good, bad, or otherwise.

2013 awaits!

May I wish you a truly peaceful, joyous and blessed new year.

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Do You Deserve Everything You Get?

Someone said to me yesterday that I deserved everything I got!

This was said with malice, I hasten to add.

And that got me thinking, do I, or anyone else come to think of it, deserve what they get in life?

And thinking further is it actually what we deserve, or merely a physical manifestation of our innermost wants, which we ourselves are oblivious of until such time as ‘we get what we deserve’?

And without getting too philosophical or psychological is it perhaps the universe giving us what it knows we can handle?

I remember watching a film, think it was “The Wedding Date”, with Debra Messing (her off Will & Grace) and the father, played by the rather swoonsome Paul Egan, said to Debra Messing’s character that women get the love life they want.

So men, or women who get treated badly, is it because they want to be treated badly, or is it because they have such low self-esteem that they think they don’t deserve to be treated well?

And that got me thinking again? (And we all know how much I think, and boy has it given me a stinker of a headache!!)

So, I tried to take the philosophy that what we get is merely a physical manifestation of our innermost wants and apply it to some areas of my life.

And here’s what I came up with:

Love

Being a true romantic at heart, with a head full of fairy-tales, I believe in there being a Prince Charming out there somewhere.

In reality though I know Prince Charming doesn’t exist. So maybe, when I thought I’d got close to that fairytale, it was with someone I knew, deep down, could and would never be mine? So I got the fairytale in my imagination, but being reality it never really existed in the first place!

Life

I obviously didn’t set out to be a single-mother, but that is the situation I find myself in. Is this merely a physical manifestation of the fact that I thrive on a challenge and find ‘normality’ tedious? I suppose that could be true – after all I was constantly on the move in my career pre-SC – not that I have any lingering wishes towards Mr Wrong No. 2, far from it. Maybe the Universe dealt me this card because it knew I had the wherewithal to cope – although some days I seriously doubt its judgement!

Work

Nothing is ever handed to anyone, and you have to work for what you want. There are no quick wins to fame or fortune, so to speak, except through hard work. That’s what makes slogging your guts out worthwhile, when you can see the results of all that hard work. Sometimes it takes a lifetime. And again, maybe deep down the reason I keep going, is because I’m not a quitter and I just want to prove everyone wrong – just once – and show that I can do it!

It’s not a perfect explanation, but at least its got the thoughts out of my head, and relieved some of the headache!

I don’t believe we deserve what we get!

I believe we all have the power to overcome anything in life, if we choose too, rather than sitting down, doing nothing and letting life pass us by.

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