Tag Archives: hopes

Perpetual Sacrifice

I have just started reading an amazing book, called “The Ascent of Humanity”, by Charles Eisenstein.

Now, normally I would skim read and finish a book within a matter of hours, however this book is very thick, in-depth and makes you think. So I am taking my time to read, inwardly digest and re-read to ensure I have the right understanding of the matter.

I’m only on Chapter 2, but there was a phrase used which got me thinking.

“Perpetual sacrifice”

The idea being that we constantly live in this state of being, in a state of perpetual sacrifice. Where we effectively put off chasing our dreams, in order to survive today, or as the author puts it sacrificing the present for the future…which never comes!

You see it and hear it constantly – “work before play”, “no pain, no gain”, “control yourself”, etc.

How many of us have unfulfilled dreams that seem as far off achieving today and when we first started dreaming about them, whether it be travelling the world, writing a novel or even something as mundane like starting a new hobby?

How many of us always seem to say “too busy, too much to do, I’ll do it tomorrow!”

But in reality, does tomorrow ever come?

It generally transpires that all those hopes and dreams we cling to, that we will get round to doing tomorrow never get done and at the end of our days we will say “I wish I’d done that!”

I’m not saying we should all throw in our jobs and just go off follow our dreams, but we should make time to at least start fulfilling some of them, shouldn’t we?

All personal coaches and the such talk about a work-life balance and being able to create a good one.

However, in reality, doesn’t work always seem to win out over the ‘life’ part.

Despite all the technology at our disposal, life doesn’t seem to get easier, we work harder, longer and how many of you take androids, tablets, blackberry’s and other hand-held devices on holiday, on family outings in order to ‘stay in touch’ with the office?

And why? Is it because it is the norm, and it is expected of you? Is it a case of if you don’t then you will be seen to be not working as hard as someone who does? Who decided this?

I’ll admit, I don’t have a job working for someone else, so I don’t understand office politics and games. But, going off topic slightly, I did get addicted, for want of a better word, to checking my emails, phone message, posting on social media sites, etc. I then took SC on holiday and for that week apart from my mobile, which only calls and texts, I did not ‘check in’ once – and let me tell you it was liberating 😉

But getting back on track, sacrifice.

How do we ‘make time’ in a constantly demanding world where the work part takes an ever-increasing amount of time away from us – time we could spend with our family, our health, our leisure activities?

Should we just, maybe, say “enough is enough” and when we get home in the evening forget about work, and at the weekend turn off all ‘work-related’ devices?

Or should we just continue the path we are walking and let the future stay as far ahead as ever?

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Friday Poem – No More Cliches

A fabulous poem written by the Mexican poet Octavio Paz. For every beautiful woman out there. Forget the air-brushed magazines – true beauty comes from being good of heart, despite everything life throws at you!

 

No More Clichés

Beautiful face
That like a daisy opens its petals to the sun
So do you
Open your face to me as I turn the page.

Enchanting smile
Any man would be under your spell,
Oh, beauty of a magazine.

How many poems have been written to you?
How many Dantes have written to you, Beatrice?
To your obsessive illusion
To you manufacture fantasy.

But today I won’t make one more Cliché
And write this poem to you.
No, no more clichés.

This poem is dedicated to those women
Whose beauty is in their charm,
In their intelligence,
In their character,
Not on their fabricated looks.

This poem is to you women,
That like a Scheherazade wake up
Everyday with a new story to tell,
A story that sings for change
That hopes for battles:
Battles for the love of the united flesh
Battles for passions aroused by a new day
Battle for the neglected rights
Or just battles to survive one more night.

Yes, to you women in a world of pain
To you, bright star in this ever-spending universe
To you, fighter of a thousand-and-one fights
To you, friend of my heart.

From now on, my head won’t look down to a magazine
Rather, it will contemplate the night
And its bright stars,
And so, no more clichés.

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Friday Poem – A Dream Lies Dead

dreamThis poem by Dorothy Parker is lovely. This poem beautifully expresses how we feel when we lose something we wanted.

 

A Dream Lies Dead

A dream lies dead here. May you softly go

Before this place, and turn away your eyes,

Nor seek to know the look of that which dies

Importuning life for life. Walk not in woe,

But, for a little, let your step be slow.

And, of your mercy, be not sweetly wise

With words of hope and Spring and tenderer skies.

A dream lies dead; and this all mourners know:

 

Whenever one drifted petal leaves the tree-

Though white of bloom as it had been before

And proudly waitful of fecundity-

One little loveliness can be no more;

And so must Beauty bow her imperfect head

Because a dream has joined the wistful dead!

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A New Life …

… What I wouldn’t give to have a new life!life-long-quotes

One thing I have learned as I go through life, nothing is for free along the way!

It certainly isn’t. We live, we learn and we lose. My heart is forever paying the price it seems. I work hard and still it seems I am just chasing my tail in circles never getting any closer to that goal.

A new start – that’s the thing I need, to give me new heart.

Half a chance in life to find a new part, just a simple role that I can play.

Think I’ve lost count of the number of times I had to, and tried desperately hard to start again. I’m still searching for my role in this great universe of life, simple or otherwise. Starting over does bring new heart, but only on a temporary basis, all too often the same demons raise their heads again.

A new hope – something to convince me to renew hope!

I’d like to be able to believe more and have more faith in human nature. I think over the years I have been led to mistrust everyone and everything. I try to have faith, but every single body blow kicks just a little bit more faith out of me.

A new day, bright enough to help me find my way!

Where am I going? What am I doing? What’s my purpose in life? Each day I try, and every day it seems I fail!

A new chance – one that maybe has a touch of romance.

Where can it be, the chance for me?

I ask myself that very question? Do we make our own chances in life? Or do they come a-knockin’? If we have to go about making our own chances the first hurdle we need to get over is that one of feeling stupid and a failure if it all goes belly up!

A new dream – I have one

I know that very few dream!

I have dreams and hopes and aspirations and maybe I’m foolish to cling on to them (Mr Wrong No. 2 always made me feel my dreams were worthless) but one day…

I would like to see that overdue dream – even though it never may come true!

A new love – though I know there’s no such thing as true love –

Even so, although I never knew love, still I feel that one dream is my due!

I believe in fairy tales and happy-ever-afters (I read too much) and I have known love. It has given me a glimmer of hope that maybe one day there is a guy out there who is the love of my life, my best friend, my soul mate and the one I can tell all my hopes and dreams too without fear of being thought an idiot! Someone kind, caring and thoughtful, who will wipe the tears away, kiss my forehead, make me laugh and who loves me for me – warts and all.

A new world – this one thing I want to ask of you, world – once! – Before it’s time to say adieu, world! One sweet chance to prove the cynics wrong!

Too right, just a chance to prove to everyone that I’m not the complete loser they think I am! I’m not a loser! Sometimes I make the wrong decisions. Sometimes based on what my heart tells me and sometimes based on what my head tells me – and this encompasses all areas of my life. But all those wrong decisions have led me to learn things and every lesson I learn I grow stronger – so one day all those cynics will be left open-mouthed 😉

A new life – more and more, I’m sure, as I go through life, just to play the game – and to pursue life – just to share its pleasures, and belong!

Why do I feel that I don’t belong? I’ve always felt like an outcast – someone who is merely tolerated. I was never one of the ‘in-crowd’ at school. Even as I’ve gone through life I’ve never fitted in to a mould! That’s all I’ve ever wanted – to fit in and be accepted for who I am!

That’s what I’ve been here for, all along!
Each day’s a brand new life!

It certainly is, every day is fresh, with no mistakes 😉

 

But however many new days there are, that new life is always elusive!

I keep thinking (there’s that darned word again) that it’s obviously me.

And maybe it is.

Maybe over the years I have built up such a barrier around myself and every knock, jibe, heartbreak has just added one more brick in the wall (to quote a famous song!) I was told it was akin to having this big knot of pain and anguish in the centre of my body, that has thickened over the years and resembles tar – sticky, black and difficult to remove.

The trouble is in order to rip out the knot and break down the wall I have to be able to say what and how I feel, but that is easier said than done.

The wall has been there for so many years, it’s impenetrable – a bit like the forest that grew up around Sleeping Beauty’s castle – OK I’m not Sleeping Beauty, but I feel as if I am trapped in a tower and I have no idea how I’m ever going to escape!

[lyrics from “A New Life” from the musical Jekyll & Hyde – one of my favourites]

 

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Once in your life – Bob Marley

I found these two quotes by Bob Marley, both of which are so true … enjoy

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“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around.

You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more.

You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.

When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself.

Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around.

You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.

Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again.

Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all.

A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face.

In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby.

Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.

You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.

You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you.

You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end.

Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile.

Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

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(about women)

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only.

She loved before she may love again.

But if she loves you now, what else matters?

She’s not perfect – you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can.

She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart.

So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give.

Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

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(about men) – same quote just a different angle)

He’s not perfect.

You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect.

But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can.

He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break.

Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give.

Don’t analyze.

Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there.

Love hard when there is love to be had.

Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.”

(Amen to that Mr Marley)

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I’m one big disappointment!

Why do I feel that I am one big disappointment after another in my father’s eyes?clock

He was the one who taught me to be independent, and yet I failed.

He was the one who taught me that if you work hard you reap the rewards, and yet I failed.

He was the one who taught me to be careful, and yet I failed.

Everything I try, I do to try to please my father, and yet I fail.

Even when other people ‘lavish’ praise on my efforts, not one word of praise escapes my fathers lips.

I can’t even remember my father saying he loved me, like most fathers do to their offspring.

I’m at a crossroads in my life where I need to make big decisions about where I am headed in order to make a good life for SC.

Yet in my father’s eyes everything is black and white – I have to do either A or B.

I have ideas, but he says that they should just be sidelines – yet the problem is, and a lesson I have learned from bitter experience past is that if I go down route A and dabble with ideas, then the ideas are just another chalked-up failure. You cannot do, and give your full attention to 2 different things, especially if you have attention needed from a SC – it just doesn’t work.

Fate, apparently, throws at us what it feels we can deal with.

But you know what?

I’m tired.

I don’t want to have to fight to keep my head above the water every single hour of every single day.

I don’t want to give up, I’m not a quitter, but right now I feel I have no other option.

I want time. Time for me to prove my worth. Time for me to be a good mum (instead of the failure I feel). Time for me to be me.

But I don’t have time.

The clock never stops ticking (which is probably why I hate loud ticking clocks).

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What would you salvage?

I stumbled upon a quote by the American poet laureate Kay Ryan the other day:dreaming

The day misspent,
the love misplaced,
has inside it
the seed of redemption.
Nothing is exempt
from resurrection.

… and it got me thinking about what I would do about days mis-spent and love misplaced.

We can’t go back and change the past, that’s a fact. But, if everything has a chance to be rescued or saved should you, or would you?

People talk about a mis-spent youth, generally in terms of not working harder, and by the time they realise this they haven’t gone as far as they actually wanted in life – some of the dreams are still the same distance away. But can you still shoot for those dreams, or do you risk ridicule?

I think dreams can be aimed for throughout life, at any age. After all what are we if we don’t have dreams and hopes – these are generally what keeps us going. Striving for something – which for many of us is unattainable, but we still keep trying, because trying and not reaching our destination is far better than not trying at all, isn’t it?

Mr Wrong No. 2 ridiculed me by saying that I was stupid to try to keep shooting for the stars – he said that there comes a point when you have to realise you will fail, and just give up on your dreams. Personally, I think he’s so totally wrong, and probably just goes to show what kind of person he really is.

I will never tell SC to give up on his dreams. I will stand behind him and help him reach for the stars, when he needs my help and encouragement, not scorn or jeer and generally put him down, so that he feels that he can never aim for anything, but just take whatever is handed out to him.

I still have my dreams, and yes, at 41, maybe they are unattainable, but I’ll never stop looking at the stars, striving, wishing and hoping.

So can you rescue mis-spent days and misplaced loves?

I think, if anything has a chance to be salvaged, you should at least try.

Maybe you spent a day playing instead of working hard on your business. Totally guilty of this sometimes – and yes, I know I have no one to blame but myself. But I salvage the situation and work long hours, over the weekend and am constantly striving to become a better “all-rounder” in the business world, so I can reach one of my stars.

Can we misplace love?

I think this could be open to two different meanings.

Firstly, by unwisely giving our heart to someone. This could be for many reasons – for me, when I left Mr Wrong No. 1 for Mr Wrong No. 2 it was because there was nothing left of my relationship with Mr Wrong No. 1, but Mr Wrong No. 2 came along at the right time, saying all the right things that I wanted to hear. Looking back, I was foolish, naive and too trusting – the only good thing to come out of it was SC, whom I wouldn’t be without for all the world. I’m sure everyone, at some point in their life has done the same thing.

Secondly, we can misplace love, if the timing, or situation, is not right for that love.

But can either of these be redeemed.

Personally, I would not wish to salvage anything from the disasters that were Mr Wrong Nos. 1 & 2. The only thing I have rescued is my sanity!

For the second, if I was lucky enough to be in the situation where there was a chance for happiness with someone, where previously there was not, I wouldn’t hesitate. I wouldn’t rush in though. I would want to take time and develop a deep friendship alongside love, to ensure that love would never be misplaced again. 😉

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