Tag Archives: honesty

A-Z of Life – Honesty

self-honesty-freedomLet’s be honest – it’s always easier to blame other people/other circumstances for our misfortunes in life, isn’t it?

But where does that get us?

Nowhere, that’s where.

Or continually walking down a path always looking for something or someone to blame and never once looking closer to home.

But maybe we should.

Every day we always have a choice.

And those choices determine what happens in our lives. Some of it will be good and some of it will be not so good.

But, and here’s the crux of the matter, if the choice you made turns out to be not so good, then instead of looking for someone or something to blame we need to look at our actions. After all, weren’t we the one who made that particular choice?

We’ve all done it. It’s human nature. If something goes wrong it’s easier to blame circumstances or fate or luck, isn’t it?

I’ve spent a good part of my life blaming others for my ‘lot in life’ – unlucky, ugly, useless, worthless, etc. You name it, the list is pretty long.

But, over the last couple years, having been on this voyage of self-discovery I realised the ‘others’ involved may have caused an initial blip in my life (for want of a better expression), but I was then ultimately responsible for how I felt. After all, I was the one that chose to let their actions affect my life, I chose to believe I was worthless, I chose to believe that I deserved everything that was thrown at me, I chose to believe that I should be treated without respect.

“Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it!”

I looked closely at my own actions and worked hard to improve and better myself in all areas of life and these days I wake up and choose to be positive.

Because I believe in myself now.

For sure, I may still get a few wobbles and panics occasionally but I stop, tell myself to stop being so silly and as a certain song goes, always look on the bright side.

I am alive.

I am allowed to have dreams.

I deserve to be here.

I deserve to have a life.

I am worthy of life.

I am worthy of respect.

I value and know my worth.

I choose life.

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Friday Poem – Desiderata

I stumbled across this poem in a shop the other day.magic

It was written by Max Ehrmann, an American writer, in 1927, but only became popular in the 1970s.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;  for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

 

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

 

Be yourself.

Especially, do not feign affection.

Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

 

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

 

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;

You have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

 

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

 

Be careful.

Strive to be happy.

 

 

Desiderata – desired things – what do you desire?

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What do I want?

A simple life.

No stress.

Happiness.

No worries.

Love.

No heartache.

Friendship, warmth, security, fulfillment, truth, honesty, peace, harmony …

… just like everyone else.

 

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WYSIWYG

I always wondered what the acronym meant when I was younger, and my dad told me it stood for ‘what you see is what you get’.

Having feebly attempted to run my own businesses, this little acronym is of vital importance. There’s no point having a name, or a tagline that does not say what you do in a micro-second, because that’s all potential customers give you to make up their minds.

Effectively, you need to think of Ronseal’s tagline – “Does exactly what it says on the tin!”

I also think it’s important to be like this in life as well.

These days it’s all very much false this and false that – eyelashes, tan, hair, boobs, bums, I could go on, there’s stuff to suck you in, push you out and up. But all it does is create a false illusion – and what happens when all the falseness is stripped away?

I will admit to having false eyelashes in my make-up box – but I only ever use them on stage. I also have hair-pieces and wigs – but again the only time the big false hair-pieces or wigs get an outing is on stage. I sometimes wear the smaller ‘hair scrunchie’ pieces if I’m going out, am running out of time and my hair is not going to behave in a month of Sunday’s let alone 5 minutes!

I am very much a ‘what you see is what you get’ kinda gal.

I have no sides. I have no hidden agendas.

I don’t lie. I will tell the truth.

I am open about my feelings. This is why I get hurt.

I think way too much – more than is good for ‘a bear of very little brain’ 😉

I talk too much – most of it complete rubbish 😉

I am a complete whirlwind of chaos! Disorganised, scatty, and always on the go!

I do not relax and am always stressed about something.

I am a good listener to other people’s problems, but always bottle my own up – this does not help the stress levels!

I am always there for my friends and family – and will go out of my way to help anyone.

I am very child-like in many ways and this gets me into trouble because I will apply child-logic and just ask ‘why not?’

I dream.

I have dreams.

And I always have hope 😉

 

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I Learned by Octavian Paler

I stumbled across this beautiful poem by the Romanian writer Octavian Paler the other day. It’s words are so true I wanted to share them:

We have time …
We have time for everything
To sleep, or to be all over the place,
To regret mistakes and do them again,
To judge others and find excuses for ourselves,

We have time to read and write,
To correct our writings, and regret what we wrote, We have time to make plans and never complete them,
We have time to fantasize about impossible things
and later on to look into the ashes of them.

We have time for ambitions and diseases,
To blame fate and the details,
We have time to watch the clouds, TV commercials and shocking news,
We have time to not answer questions,
To postpone the answers,
We have time to kill a dream and recreate it later
We have time to make friends, and lose them
We have time to get lessons and forget them later on,
We have time to get gifts and not understand them.
We have time for everything.

But we don’t have time for a little kindness.
When one does they are dying.

I learned some important things in my life and I would like to share them with you.
I learned that you can not make somebody love you. All you can do is to be a lovely person, the rest … depends on others.
I learned that it does not matter how much I care, others don’t.
I learned that it takes years to win somebody’s trust and it takes just a few seconds to lose it.
I learned that doesn’t matter what you HAVE in life, all that matters is with WHOM you have it.
I learned that in the first 15 min you can impress somebody by using your charm after that you have to come up with something smart.
I learned that you don’t have to compare yourself with what other people are best at you have to find out what is your best.
I learned that it does not matter what happens to people, what matters is what I can do to help.

I learned that each episode has two faces.

I learned you should part lovingly from those you love, It may be the last time you have the opportunity to see that person.
I learned that you can run a long time after you said that you are exhausted.
I learned that heroes are people who do the right thing when it is needed not caring about the consequences.

I learned that there are people that love you but they do not know how to show it.
I learned that when I am upset I have the right to be upset but I do not have the right to be mean.

I learned that you can have long distance friendships, the same applies to love.
I learned that if somebody does not love you like you wish, It does not mean he or she does not love you from the bottom of their heart.
He or she will occasionally hurt you and you will forgive it.

I learned that it is not enough to forgive others sometimes you have to forgive yourself.
I learned that regardless how much you are suffering the world will not stop.
I learned that your past can have an impact on your personality but you are responsible for what you are going to become.
I learned that, if two people get into a fight it does not mean they do not love each other. And the fact that they do not fight does not mean they love each other.
I learned that sometimes you have to put the person first and not their actions.
I learned that two people can see different sides of the same incident.
I learned that indifferent of the consequences those who are honest with themselves are the winners in life.
I learned that your life can be changed by strangers in a few hours.
I learned that when you think you have nothing to give your friend can call for help, and you will find the strength to help him.

I learned that talking and writing can help to heal your pain.
I learned that you spend too little time with people you love the most…

I learned that is very hard to know when to be nice so you do not hurt people but you still sustain your opinions.

I learned to love so I can be loved in return.

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Out of the Mouths of Babes – Size

I was in the supermarket yesterday with SC, when we passed a man who was a little bit on the large side.

SC turned to me and said “Mummy, that man looks like he’s going to have a baby!”

Oh, what sweet musings the innocents come out with and how quickly did we move up that shopping aisle! 😉

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Love is … like stepping off a cliff

You stand there, teetering on the edge wondering whether or not to take the leap.

You’re teetering because you are unsure, scared (after all what if you’ve read the signals wrongly), maybe you have some unfinished business before you can jump.

But what of the person standing next to you?

They may be just as scared and confused as you. Scared about jumping in case they get hurt again and confused because of the mixed signals they are getting from you and don’t know how to suppress their own growing feelings for you.

I’ve been listening to a song recently called ‘In Whatever Time we Have’ from Children of Eden. It’s got some very powerful lyrics and totally akin to standing on the edge of a cliff wondering whether to jump…

‘If at times we are afraid, with so little to believe in. It’s alright to feel afraid, I will hold you in the dark. We could live a hundred years, or the world could end tomorrow, But we know we’ll be together in whatever time we have!’

It’s OK to be scared, but think of the person standing next to you too.

Be honest with them about how you feel. After all if you have no intention of jumping then is it fair to leave them teetering, with all those feelings growing inside them?

If you are going to jump. Take their hand in yours and don’t ever let go. Tell them how you feel in no uncertain terms. Then jump! With both feet and enjoy it 🙂

But watch out for that first step…it’s quite a tumble 😉

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Being blunt!

… or calling a spade a spade.

Now most of the time, I pretty much say how I feel. But sometimes I hold back and those are really the times in my life when I wished I could have been more blunt and to the point:

‘Stop your pathetic bullying! Just because I am different to you does not mean I should be treated the way you are treating me!’

‘I am proud to be different. I would rather be me than a sheep! At least I know my own mind, I don’t have to follow the herd.’

‘I’m sorry! You said what? That you’d be ashamed to say you’d never had a permanent job? How very dare you! You didn’t seem to object to my alternative career path when it paid for your holidays and weekends away! And you never minded, just expected, me to dip my hand in my pocket all the time!’

‘Were you chatting the Russian bird up over the Internet before I walked out on you?’

‘Seriously, why did you treat me like s**t?’

‘Oh false friend indeed! I have just realised that you have never been a true friend. Only when you wanted something did you feign interest. You’re not a very nice person and to be honest I won’t miss you in my life.’

‘No, I’m not doing fine on my own, thanks for asking though…not!’

‘No, actually. I didn’t get a scholarship over you just because of my dancing and singing! I got it because, funnily enough, I can act as well, and this is first and foremost a drama school… Clearly, you’re not as good as you puff yourself up to be, or you would have got one!’

‘What do you want from me? You can’t just keep me hanging around, it’s not fair! Make your bl***y mind up. If you like me, do something about it, but don’t hedge your bets!’

‘Will you give over your b****y moaning. So you didn’t get the part you wanted. Do you think that maybe, just maybe, the person that did get the part actually might be better than you. There’s no need for all the nastiness. It’s petty, totally uncalled for, it’s making me feel uncomfortable and showing your true colours. Get over yourself!’

‘I’m not perfect. Does that shock you that I am actually aware of my failings? Question is are you aware of yours?’

‘So you really think that SC doesn’t need you until he’s about 8 or 9? God! Your father obviously instilled some good parenting skills in you…not! You go ahead and think that a**hole, crawl back under your rock from whence you came and leave him alone. Because you know what t***head he doesn’t need you, and when you want SC, he’s going to tell you exactly where to go…and hell won’t be far enough!’

‘Why the f*** do you bother coming to visit SC? You spend all morning checking your watch and spend less than 15 minutes actually engaging with him before you sprawl on the floor/sofa ignoring him. It’s all for show, and if it’s just to soothe your guilty conscience, you know where you can stick it!’

‘Mmm, when you asked me to move in with you, I thought you’d at least make room for me. I wasn’t expecting to live out of a suitcase and plastic bags for 3 years! Is that how you treated your last girlfriend? And why the hell did it take me 3 years to come to my senses? You know what Russian bride is welcome to you. Hope she’s just as selfish as you are!’

‘I’m sorry, did I hear you correctly? Did you just say that if I had an independent midwife and I ended up needing to come to hospital (which believe me would only be in an emergency with me drugged up to the eyeballs) what made me think that I was entitled to use the hospital? Mmm, let me think! How about the fact that I pay more than my fair share in tax and national insurance. I didn’t realise that the NHS wasn’t accessible for everyone, I must have misinterpreted its original purpose in my O’Level history course!’

‘Gee! Thanks for all your help and support whilst I was in labour! Not! Seriously, you think p***ing off, falling asleep and keeping silent was really helpful. Most men (and by men I mean nice guys not a**holes like you) are full of encouraging words and actions. W****r!’

‘We’ve been friends for years, but seriously does that give you the right to be so f***ing insulting? You don’t really know me. You see the person on stage and the roles I play, so you have no right to say you pity the man who ends up with me! Who the hell are you to talk? Have you taken a good look at your own marriage recently?’

‘Shock! Horror! My child is no angel! But seriously, do you really think that’s just because I’m a single mother? With all the c*** he’s been dealt at school (not a week has gone by where he hasn’t been kicked, bitten, hit, or generally abused in some shape or form), not once has he retaliated and hit back! I think that actually makes him a better person, and maybe I’ve actually got something right as a mother!’

‘Did I forget to mention that I’m a very impatient person? I don’t wait for long, so don’t make me!’

 

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I’ll tell you what I want … What I really, really want

Now, I know that “I want” never gets, as I’m forever telling SC.

But, in my life there’s a fine line between what I wanted and what I got!

Yes, I am blessed with SC, and I forever thankful of that, but other things always seem out of reach. So here’s what I want:

I want a life filled with love and laughter.

I have this silly picture in my mind of my home – with me, my knight and our family. Laughter and happiness abound, but above all when the welcoming front door is opened you are hit with an intense feeling of warmth and love.

I’m not such a fool to think that it is all fabulous. I know there will be heartache along the way, but at least I won’t be alone in fighting the demons that come a’knocking!

I want a home filled with noise and music.

I am a naturally loud person, something SC has inherited. I can’t help it. My parents say I talk as if I was on the National Theatre stage trying to reach deaf old Aunt Ada at the back, whereas Mr Wrong No. 1 always ‘had a go’ at me for ‘projecting’. Like I say, I’ve got a loud voice – far too many years on the stage darrrrling!

My parents like quiet, so it’s always tense in the house, as I’m trying to keep SC’s noise levels to a minimum (maybe that’s way I’m such a stressed out mummy?).

As far as I’m concerned, noise is good – I know there are times when silence can, indeed, be golden and a welcome break – but in my experience a noisy home, is generally a happy one!

In my ‘dream’ our home would be full of noise – happy noise and music.

When SC was a baby, and we were alone in the house, I used to crank up the stereo, and we would have a marvellous time – I would have him in my arms and we would dance around with me belting out show tunes (which are a particular favourite of mine)

As far as I’m concerned, music is essential for a happy home – it can instantly lighten the mood 😉

To be honest, I’m happy to listen to anything. I never say never to listening to something new – although I do have a soft spot for show tunes (as I mentioned) and cheesy 80s pop music 😉

Finally, I want a knight in shining armour.

I don’t want a troll under the bridge – had enough of those to last me several lifetimes, thank you.

I don’t want to be messed around. I don’t want to be a convenient intermission whilst someone sorts out their problems. I don’t want to be led up the garden path with promises only for it to all be smashed in my face again, as the other party walks away laughing and I’m left to pick up the pieces of my life once more. I don’t want to be a rehearsal for someone until they decide they’re going to marry an internet bride. Shall I go on?

I know knights don’t really exist. I don’t even want “diamond sunbursts or marble halls”. I just want someone kind, caring, honest and true. Someone that I can laugh with, talk to and who can be my best friend.

Is that too much to ask?

My knight in shining armour not only has to fall in love with me though, but he has to love children and want to have a family.

I come as a package deal you see – you get me and SC. I like to think of it as  BOGOF offer 😉

He’s going to have to be able to step in and become a stable male role model to SC ( as well as any others we may be blessed with).

It’s a big ask of anyone to take on someone else’s child and help raise him. I know, my last 2 disasters have both involved me being typecast as the wicked stepmother. I know I am not cut out for it, but in some ways I feel it’s harder for a woman, than it is for a man.

So my knight will have to be very special indeed as I’m not a stereotypical single mother who will introduce her child to a different ‘uncle’ when the weather changes.

I want a family for keeps!

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