Tag Archives: growth

Top 5 Lessons I’ve Learned in Life

You may be seated, class is about to begin ūüėČlife

As I’ve meandered through this thing called life, this is what I have learned, so far:

5.¬† Don’t get on the negative horses – such as anger, bitterness, self-pity, self-doubt, etc. If someone or something has happened to you then yes, your first reaction may be something negative. But if you stay with that negative frame of mind then that is your choice, not the person, or thing, that hurt you. And then the only person you are hurting is yourself. This is a phrase I have only recently discovered and yes, at times it is very difficult to stay off those damn horses, especially if SC is faffing about when it comes to getting homework done (I swear pulling hen’s teeth would be easier!). But I am getting better at letting those negative horses stay grazing in the field, whilst I stay with the positive team ūüėČ

4.¬† Treat everyone with kindness – yes, they may not treat you the same in return, but surely that says more about them than you. And by treating everyone with kindness, even if it is just a smile, or offering your seat to someone, then you could make a difference to that person’s day. So my act of kindness today is to send everyone a big smile. ūüôā

3.¬† Keep Learning – learning doesn’t stop when you finish school. The more we learn, the more we grow as people. And we learn and grow from life experiences, and if we don’t then life will keep throwing the same stuff at you until you do learn it. It’s a bit like continuous assessment rather than actually ever having to sit down and take¬†an exam. I think one of the toughest lessons I’ve learned is when it comes to relationships to just let it flow. When I first went out with Boomerang Boy we saw each other continuously for 3 weeks, then it was a case of adios senorita. When I next went out with someone and he dumped me I was accused of being too clingy. Then I went to the other extreme and got accused of being too cold and distant! (And yes, I did tut and think “MEN! ARGH!”) But now, if I ever got the chance I would take it slowly and let them do most of the chasing – after all isn’t that what men really want, it’s the whole hunter/gatherer thing – and if they say they’re busy I wouldn’t freak out, like I would have done way back when, I would give them their space and wait for them to come back from the man cave. And if they don’t, then clearly their chapter in my life¬†is over, and I would give thanks for the memories and let go – after all “I’m not a stop along the way, I’m a destination!”

2. Grab life by the Balls (‘scuse my language!) – you’ve got to. You only get one life and as they say “it’s not a dress rehearsal darling!”. Why just exist, when you can live? You have to grab each and every opportunity and curve ball life throws at you. Embrace them, live them. They may be good or not so good. If they are good then your life will be enriched and if they are not so good then you learn and grow from them. There are 86,400 seconds in each day, and I have started pretending after reading it somewhere (think it was one of the quote things I found on Pinterest) that if we think of them as ¬£86,400 that we have to spend each and every day, where no money gets rolled over, you have to spend it all, and wisely, why on earth would you waste a single second? After all, we never know when there won’t be a tomorrow!

1.¬† Be You, wholeheartedly¬† – as the saying goes “why fit in when you were born to stand out!” I remind SC of this fairly regularly, and explain that it has taken me most of my life to actually work it out. I am, at last, happy and contented in my own skin. I know who I am, what I am and, equally important what I am not. And I most certainly am not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. I have many faults¬†but I¬†take each one and try to improve them. I am quirky, some may even call me strange and weird, but does that bother me? Nope. Not any more. No one can be anything other than themselves really. We can try to fit into some kind of mould that society wants us to, but that doesn’t make us happy. It makes us miserable, as we try desperately to please everyone and make others like us for what we are not. We can only be truly happy by being true to ourselves. And the most important thing I have learned about being me, is that the only person¬†I need ever aim to please is me.

So, there you go, they are my Top 5 lessons I have learned.

What have you learned on your journey through life?

 

 

 

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Who has made an impact on your life?

As the song from the musical “Wicked” goes:wicked

I’ve heard it said,
That people come into our lives
For a reason
Bringing something we must learn.
And we are lead to those
Who help us most to grow if we let them.
And we help them in return.

And it’s also true that until we learn the lesson we are meant to learn, we will keep making the same mistake.

Something SC said to me this morning struck a chord.  He mentioned a friend of mine he had met once, for only a couple of hours, with such affection it got me thinking.

So, I think it just goes to show that it doesn’t matter who we meet in our journey through life, some people will always make an impact for better or worse and whether they are in your life for a long time or a short time.

SC has made a positive impact in my life in more than one way. For him to grow up to be the person I want him to be, I have to be that person myself, so he has forced me to do a lot of soul-searching about positive ways to live my life and be happy, so he can grow up to be a confident young man.

My headmaster at junior school made a big impact on my life. It was him who helped me develop my love of all things numerical.

I credit one guy (I can’t even remember his name) with making me realise what I wanted to do with my life. After watching a movie, which I spent several minutes dissecting (as is my want sometimes), he turned round and said to me “acting’s what you want to do, isn’t it?” Up until that point, theatre was something I just did. I’d grown up dancing and having drama lessons as a means of working off energy and developing a clear speaking voice. But that one comment made me realise that, yes, that’s what I did want to do. Writing it down now, some 20 years later, still makes me dream. Yes, I went to drama school and did a bit of professional stuff. Nothing major, but I never lose hope that one day … maybe ūüėČ

So, who has made an impact on your life, in a positive or negative way?

And I might as well finish with another quote from that amazing “Wicked” song, and, yes, I confess this is the point in the show where I am blubbing like a baby into my tissue, and just reading the lyrics makes me well up – so if you’ll excuse me, I’ll leave you with the lyrics, whilst I go and find a tissue (sniff, sniff)…

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime.
So, let me say before we part:
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you.
You’ll be with me
Like a hand print on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you’ll have rewritten mine
By being my friend.

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea.
Like a seed dropped by a sky bird
In a distant wood.
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good.

 

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Friday Poem – Life’s Most Important Treasures

A little late, but a lovely poem by Maureen Doan

Life’s Most Important Treasures

Joy

in your heart,

your mind,

your soul.

Peace

with yourself

and with the universe.

Harmony.

Courage

to feel, to need,

to reach out.

Freedom

to let yourself

be bound by love.

Friendship.

Wisdom

to learn, to change,

to let go.

Acceptance

of the truth

and beauty within yourself.

Growth.

Pleasure

in all that you see,

and touch,

and do.

Happiness

with yourself

and with the world.

Love.

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Fathers…

An interesting phrase which I hadn’t heard until a few months ago:fool

“Any fool can be a father. But it takes a real man to be a daddy.”

And it’s so true.

Take Mr Wrong No. 2 – SC’s father. He’s the kind of man who thinks he’s wonderful and whose mother told him, obviously so very often that he actually believes it, that his father had taught him how to be a good father.

I beg to differ.

This is the man who took SC at 3 days old, after saying he was going to give him a hug, only to sit him propped up on cushions whilst he ignored him and continued reading his paper.

This is the man who spent most of SC’s first year totally ignoring him at the weekends. Instead of getting down on the floor and inter-acting he just totally ignored him and read his newspaper.

This is the man who gleefully watched me struggle carrying baby in car seat, bag of toys, changing bag and handbag down flights of concrete steps, whilst he swanned about with his newspaper.

This is a man who never once gave SC a cuddle. Even now he doesn’t when he comes on the ‘fortnightly state visit’, he doesn’t hug him, or kiss him.

This is the man who said, although his oh-so-amazing-brain has conveniently forgotten, that SC didn’t need him until he was about 8 or 9 years old.

This is the man who said we should go and live with my parents – probably so he could carry on with goodness-only knows what woman that particular week.

This man is not a father – he thinks he is but he isn’t.

He swans about, but in reality he hasn’t got a clue.

Take today, there was a fun day where we live, so I said for him to meet us there. SC loves the outdoors. He had a go at archery, watched the sheep being shorn, climbed inside the fire engine and tractors (several times) and then he found the straw!

Now, he decided a good idea would be to grab a handful of straw and throw it at Mr Wrong No. 2 Рnow most men who are great dads would get in the spirit and join in and throw some back.

But, oh no! Not Mr Wrong No. 2 he got the right hump. Stuck a face on him like he’d sucked a lemon to quickly and swallowed a pip, shook the straw off and crossly said “don’t do that!” whilst re-doing his Mr Baldy Man hair-do. SC’s face dropped like¬†a stone, and from then on he was very quiet and subdued.

To be honest, my dad is the one who has been there for SC.

My dad is the one SC calls ‘daddy’ (bit weird I know, but he is the only male role model he’s really ever known).¬†If I’m working and my dad has to pick him up from school he tells his teacher “my daddy is picking me up today!” As far as Mr Wrong No. 2 is concerned, he’s just some ‘friend’ who comes to ‘play’ (in the loosest sense of the word, if you can call sprawling over the floor for half an hour before he gets bored and then practically throws his phone with games on at SC to keep him from having to actually interact) occasionally!

My dad is the one who wrestles on the floor (I do too, I hasten to add) and we both kick the ball about the garden.

My dad is a daddy.

I know I’m a source of constant disappointment to him, but he’s my dad and he loves me (I hope).

He’s always there for me and I can always count on him if I need advice – my mum too but for different kind of advice.

He’s a great dad, he has been for me and now he’s a great role model for SC. (Although probably not quite what he envisaged doing in his retirement!)

In some ways, I’m also having to learn to¬†be daddy to SC as well as mummy.

It’s a tough job.

I’m the one that goes off and does boys stuff with him – like cars and bikes and museums.

I’m the one who knows what he likes and dislikes, what gives him nightmares, and how rotten a time he’s having a school.

I’m dreading him growing up and me having to have ‘that talk’ with him. I’m hoping my dad will still be around to help out.

 

Thanks Dad – Happy Father’s Day

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