Those little worries that just sit there quietly eating away at all the other thoughts in your head.
Until they grow so large they are all you can think of and not only that but they are completely true and you aren’t good enough, and it’s always your fault.
Annoying, aren’t they?
But how do you conquer those little niggling doubts inside your head?
Is it possible?
More importantly though, do you want to?
Personally, I think that if you want to get rid of them, it’s most definitely possible. After all, as Buddha said:
What you think, you become.
What you feel, you attract.
What you imagine, you create.
So, if all you can think and dwell on are insecurities, the wrongs people have done you, etc, etc, etc, then all you attract is more of the bad stuff and none of the good stuff.
But how do you change?
Well, it’s not easy, but it does all start with that very question.
If you know you want things to change, and you know you have to change in order to make that happen, then believe me, you are on the road there.
I have come full circle.
When I was little no one was ever going to beat me – at anything.
And then life happened and I let life beat me. I let everything else control me, but me. I clammed up and hid. I was totally afraid to show any feelings, I was never good enough for anyone, I was never good at anything and even if I showed any hint there was always someone only too willing to slap me back down into my place again.
I spent the best part of my life being afraid.
But then, a couple of years ago I had an epiphany.
It wasn’t one of those Damascene (?) epiphanies, more a case of a culmination of a whole heap of crap (for want of a better word) and me saying “STOP! I’ve had it!”
I knew I couldn’t change other people, but I sure as hell could change myself and how I reacted to certain situations.
Since reading is what I do best, I read and read anything I could get my hands on regarding personal development and changing perspectives. I’ve read about chimps, psychopaths, the universe, gratitude, psychic vibrations, etc. Some brilliant, some good and some not so good.
Little by little I managed to chip away at those in-built insecurities that had been a permanent fixture in my head for more years than I care to remember.
And you know what?
I’ve come to like myself again. I may not be to everyone’s cup of tea, but I’m mine.
I’ve realised that I have a right to be here, just as much as anyone else, and I don’t need to excuse my presence to anyone, especially not me.
What ever happened in the past is exactly where it needs to stay. Firmly in the past. I have learned from everything that has happened to try to make myself a better human being. By forgiving others and equally forgiving myself has lifted that feeling of eternal guilt that I am always in the wrong.
I am responsible for my own happiness, no one else is.
I have learned that I cannot control anything else apart from my actions – and if truth be told, that’s quite a scary one to learn, especially as I don’t like the feeling of uncertainty – but I take a deep breath and enjoy those opportunities and curve balls. After all the fun is in the journey.
I have learned that worrying doesn’t solve anything. It actually makes things worse. By worrying we create problems out of nothing. And going back to Buddha if we are feeling worried, insecure and not in a good place nothing good will come into our lives.
They’ll never completely go away, the fear and insecurities, but by flipping my thinking I have now learned that they are merely opportunities in disguise. A further chance for me grow by casting the ghosts of insecurities past aside and simply trusting.
Never mind Peter Pan saying “to die will be an awfully big adventure”, living is the biggest adventure of all.
Life is amazing.
Life can be wonderful, if we just stop worrying, start trusting, start believing and more importantly love.