Tag Archives: fun

A-Z of Life – Insecurities

insecuritiesThose little niggles that we all get that we are not good enough, or we’ve done something wrong but we don’t know what (or is that just me?).

Those little worries that just sit there quietly eating away at all the other thoughts in your head.

Until they grow so large they are all you can think of and not only that but they are completely true and you aren’t good enough, and it’s always your fault.

Annoying, aren’t they?

But how do you conquer those little niggling doubts inside your head?

Is it possible?

More importantly though, do you want to?

Personally, I think that if you want to get rid of them, it’s most definitely possible. After all, as Buddha said:

What you think, you become.

What you feel, you attract.

What you imagine, you create.

So, if all you can think and dwell on are insecurities, the wrongs people have done you, etc, etc, etc, then all you attract is more of the bad stuff and none of the good stuff.

But how do you change?

Well, it’s not easy, but it does all start with that very question.

If you know you want things to change, and you know you have to change in order to make that happen, then believe me, you are on the road there.

I have come full circle.

When I was little no one was ever going to beat me – at anything.

And then life happened and I let life beat me. I let everything else control me, but me. I clammed up and hid. I was totally afraid to show any feelings, I was never good enough for anyone, I was never good at anything and even if I showed any hint there was always someone only too willing to slap me back down into my place again.

I spent the best part of my life being afraid.

But then, a couple of years ago I had an epiphany.

It wasn’t one of those Damascene (?) epiphanies, more a case of a culmination of a whole heap of crap (for want of a better word) and me saying “STOP! I’ve had it!”

I knew I couldn’t change other people, but I sure as hell could change myself and how I reacted to certain situations.

Since reading is what I do best, I read and read anything I could get my hands on regarding personal development and changing perspectives. I’ve read about chimps, psychopaths, the universe, gratitude, psychic vibrations, etc. Some brilliant, some good and some not so good.

Little by little I managed to chip away at those in-built insecurities that had been a permanent fixture in my head for more years than I care to remember.

And you know what?

I’ve come to like myself again. I may not be to everyone’s cup of tea, but I’m mine.

I’ve realised that I have a right to be here, just as much as anyone else, and I don’t need to excuse my presence to anyone, especially not me.

What ever happened in the past is exactly where it needs to stay. Firmly in the past. I have learned from everything that has happened to try to make myself a better human being. By forgiving others and equally forgiving myself has lifted that feeling of eternal guilt that I am always in the wrong.

I am responsible for my own happiness, no one else is.

I have learned that I cannot control anything else apart from my actions – and if truth be told, that’s quite a scary one to learn, especially as I don’t like the feeling of uncertainty – but I take a deep breath and enjoy those opportunities and curve balls. After all the fun is in the journey.

I have learned that worrying doesn’t solve anything. It actually makes things worse. By worrying we create problems out of nothing. And going back to Buddha if we are feeling worried, insecure and not in a good place nothing good will come into our lives.

They’ll never completely go away, the fear and insecurities, but by flipping my thinking I have now learned that they are merely opportunities in disguise. A further chance for me grow by casting the ghosts of insecurities past aside and simply trusting.

Never mind Peter Pan saying “to die will be an awfully big adventure”, living is the biggest adventure of all.

Life is amazing.

Life can be wonderful, if we just stop worrying, start trusting, start believing and more importantly love.

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Wolf-Whistling to become a hate crime – seriously?

In the immortal words of John McEnroe, “You cannot be serious, man?”

Why?

If anyone takes being wolf-whistled at offensively then maybe they should just lighten up a bit.

And before you all go off on one, yes I know sexual assault and harassment are very serious offences and should be dealt with accordingly, I get that. But a wolf-whistle?

If that’s the case, then surely if women yell obscenities at men across the street about getting their kit off, that should be treated in the same vein?

Yes?

No?

Wolf-whistling has been the playful banter, and I use the word banter loosely here, of building sites for years.  It’s harmless fun. And as long as it stays that way why should it matter.

Feminism, schmemenism!

Now, in all seriousness I am not a dog and do not respond to a whistle (I’m a cat, I will take a message and get back to you 😉 ), but I like being wolf-whistled at.

I don’t take it seriously and 9 times out of 10 they will pretty much wolf-whistle anyone – I mean they must if they whistle at me, right? 😉

But getting a wolf-whistle makes me feel a bit zingier – maybe it’s just that little bit of attention. God! that makes me sound so needy, I’m not but everyone needs a little attention sometimes to feel alive – it’s like that little jump your heart does when you get a text from someone you like.  Nothing horrible, just lovely and quite nice actually.

 

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My date with a guy called Leo …

The weather was a glorious Spring day.

The setting of the Science Museum was perfect.

Just a shame my date has been dead for nearly 500 years!!!

 

I have loved the Science Museum ever since I was a little girl and my parents used to drive us into London to while away a Sunday afternoon playing with all the fun stuff they had for kids that used to be housed in the basement – I hasten to add this was pre-internet, pretty much pre-computer, so it really was lots of machines with levers that you could pull and buttons you could press.

And I have never grown out if the place – it’s a perfect place to embrace my inner geekette.

Well, with a Saturday all to myself and nothing better to do, I thought I would trot into London and visit the Science Museum – after all normally I have the company of SC who whistles round at top speed not really paying much attention to anything, so a saunter around – well when I say saunter, I don’t actually mean that as I walk fast – the museum would be wonderful.

I totally forgot that they have an exhibition on until September 4th all about Leonardo da Vinci. So I paid for my ticket and spent a fabulous couple of hours taking my time looking at everything, listening to every audio going and having a go with every bit of equipment there was to get my hands on (and I was not the only grown-up doing so!)

The man clearly was a genius and had a brain so far ahead of his time it was unbelievable.  Some of his invention were pre-cursors to stuff we have in the modern world.

For example he invented a 3 wheeled cart for a theatrical production, steered by a rudder attached to a 4th wheel, and motorised by cogs – this they reckon was the pre-cursor to our modern-day cars!

His idea for a diving suit was not so far removed from our modern-day equivalent, and then there was flight, anatomy, weapons, mathematics, this list was endless.

I did not know that he actually wrote backwards! All his notes are written from right to left and although the words are spelt correctly and not backwards as well, the letters are written as if in a mirror. Not entirely sure if this was due to secrecy and only his successors would know the code, but it must have taken some doing!

I was blown away – literally.

Although most people would think of him as a painter, apparently he only ever painted 30 pictures and there are only 20 surviving to this day, compared to over 5000 notes (can’t remember if that’s sets or pages).

If you get a chance to go to the Science Museum before the 4th September I would definitely recommend this exhibition. I would gladly go again, and probably find out more stuff that I did today – you always gain more knowledge after the first experience I find!

After I said goodbye to Leo, I have to admit, that although I didn’t have SC with me I just couldn’t help myself going to some of the other hands-on interactive galleries – I know I’m such a big kid 😉

And I also managed to spot Wally – courtesy of a gentlemen wearing a white and red knitted bobble hat!

With that done, I headed back to the tube.  The sun was still shining, but I was in desperate need of refreshment. So I stopped off at Embankment (luckily can walk to the train from there), found a friendly purveyor of teas, purchased a soothing chamomile and in the middle of London found an oasis of calm.

Literally next door to Embankment tube station, there is a delightful garden/small park and in the midst of all the hub-bub the garden was peaceful and serene. I sat in the sunshine, listening to the birds, sipping said tea and partaking of one of my favourite past-times – people watching.

Who knew Antirrhinums were also called “bunnies ears!”

The old lady sitting next to me didn’t like the students chatting outside her flats and told them they should go to the nursery up the road instead of back to college!

I hope the man in the suit jogging through the park got to where he was going on time (and without splitting his trousers, they were rather tight!)

And then I noticed people stopping near a tree, “mmm, must be a bird up there!” thought I. Then I realised they were looking at the back of the tulip bed. And lo and behold this is what they were all looking at:

Fantastic Mr Fox

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Rolling Back the Years…

…to the roller disco 😉rollerskates

My dad used to take my sister and I to the local leisure centre every Sunday when we were little to their ‘family roller-skating sessions’, which I loved – it sure beat rolling up and down the street to the lamp-post and back!

You had the latest top 40 hits playing (A-Ha still brings it all back for me), could go round in comparative safety (if you avoided the speed session), and if you were really lucky, your own pair of roller-boots.

Oh, how I longed for a pair of those, instead of the awful skates you strapped to your shoes….

Thankfully, my dad had to go to the States on business and he managed to find and bring back a pair of roller boots each for my sister and I – I can clearly remember them now, they were white, with red edging and red laces – I loved them. I was so sad when I grew out of them, my next pair were not nearly as great – they were blue with coloured stripes.

But enough of my reminiscing – why am I harking on about roller-skates?

Well, today, SC and I went roller-skating at the local rink with one of his friends.

How much fun is it still?

HEAPS!

So much more fun than ice-skating -which we tried a couple of years ago – not successfully – I hadn’t been for over 20 years and it most definitely is not like getting on a bicycle – we managed one lap of the rink in an hour!

I had told SC that roller-skating was easier then ice-skating as you had four wheels and therefore slightly steadier – I hoped 😉

Anyway, we got there and changed into the hire boots – yes, proper boots, not over-shoe-skates these days – next we had to venture on to the rink.

For me, this was most definitely like riding a bicycle – I had not forgotten, and thankfully was much more steadier on my own feet so I could help SC – not that he needed much, he whipped round the rink, and by the end of the session had perfected the art of going round using the rail to push himself along – he actually managed to go quite quickly.

There was music – not so much A-Ha, Wham! or Rick Astley – more One Direction, Daft Punk and slightly more up-to-date tunes.

There were lights.

The floor was still hard when you backside met it at force – oh, yes, I did come a cropper on my bum, only once though, at the beginning (which after 25 years is not bad) – saved myself by landing on my hands – they look a tad bruised, but no lasting damage 😉

But best of all SC had a blast and I had the best time I have had for a long time – it was so much fun, I felt like a teenager again 😉

Still can’t skate backwards though!

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Wands, Broomsticks and Dragons

I don’t like Halloween!Samhain

(There I said it)

Possibly because, scary masks completely freak me out (I went to see one of the Nightmare on Elm Street films years ago (and yes, I know it’s tame compared to the vileness that we see these days) but it still scared the heebie-jeebies out of me to the extent I had to sleep with the light on, and have my giant teddy bear in the bed with me – and yes, I was over 18!!)

But also because where I live we have had some trouble in the past with ‘charming young people’ (note, the hint of sarcasm) terrorising the neighbourhood, vandalising property and so on. (I know, and in the ‘burbs as well!)

These days it’s lights off and pretend not to be home.

And finally, because gruesomeness seems to have taken over a seemingly innocent ancient festival.

On Halloween, I took SC to a Samhain festival, from which Halloween has its origins.

Samhain is the Celtic festival held on the 31st October, which marks the end of the harvest season and the beginning of winter – which some people say also marked the start of the Celtic New Year.

Like Beltane (held on May Day) it is a time when spirits and souls of the dead can move from the otherworld to this one – and where Halloween has taken off is from the ‘guising’ part of the festival where people went from door-to-door in costume reciting verse in return for food.

But I digress.

Since this is the one day in the year when creatures can move between worlds we had to help protect a village from a fierce dragon who had come from the other world, and send him packing.

This involved making wands from willow. As someone who would like to be more ‘crafty’ than she is I surprised myself with my wand-making abilities, although I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be suitable for any student at Hogwarts!

We (SC & I) were shown how to shape the willow and fix it so we had a wand with a ‘sort-of’ star-shaped top. Then we got to decorate it with wool (they didn’t have sequins in those days!) – although there was some very ‘Celtic’ sparkly, luminescent curly wire. I must admit I went for the sparkle darlings! Ashamed? Nope – sparkle is essential! 😉

Then we had to make a broomstick to  shake at the naughty pixies and goblins to send them packing.

We had a good stab at it – but I don’t think it’s very good for flying. I made the handle too short and quite frankly it would not be sturdy enough to take a fairy, let alone me! Shame, because I quite fancied pretending to be a witch with a cat “and a very tall hat, and long ginger hair which she wore in a plait….as they sat on their broomstick and flew through the wind” – so there is definitely not room on the broom for me!!

Think I’ll just buy myself a proper broomstick – if nothing else it will help clear all the leaves that have dropped in the garden – which is amazing since we don’t have any trees!

We left worries and wishes in the Celtic chief’s cauldron, followed dragon footprints round the woods to his den, and then went through the haunted forest, where the high wizard gave a magical protection spell to give us safe passage.

At the end of the day we followed the torches through the forest, banging the drums as we went and watched the “Chief” send a flaming arrow into the Wicker Man, over which were scattered our worries and wishes, to welcome in the Winter.

Definitely nothing pagan about it (as some people are led to believe – that, from what I understand, is just the ‘spin’ the early church gave it – so ‘spinning’ is not a new thing!) There was no devil worshipping or sacrificing anything at any altar.

We had the most amazing time – and, more importantly heaps of fun 😉

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When did you last do something childish?

Does being very grown-up, most of the time, mean we are no longer allowed to do impromptu things, that may to some seem a little childish, but give us back a moment of fun in our hum-drum lives?

Does it heck as like!  No, course it doesn’t 😉

Yesterday I was in the supermarket and trolley surfed down an aisle – you know push the trolley off and lift your feet off the ground – immense fun, and I never grow tired of doing it, even if I’m with SC 😉

OK. so I admit it, doing childish things sometimes, gives me a buzz, makes me happy and reminds me that I’m still alive, and no where near ready to stop having fun.

I also like sliding down handrails when no one is looking, rolling down hills (little ones), dancing around mime-singing into a hairbrush and yes, I have been known to skateboard down the aisle in the toy shop (clearly just showing SC how to do it, no pleasure in the experience at all 😉 )

So what was the last non grown-up thing you did?

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Mind Games

Why is it inherent in our human nature to play games?

I’m not talking about recreational sport, but games with people.

Mr Wrong No. 1 and No. 2 both were expert mind game players – whether they did it intentionally or not.

I was always made to feel wrong, stupid and generally not good enough. And because they made me feel like this, I used to go along with whatever they wanted to do, go, etc. I never had any say. They also used to pick at what I wore and how I wore my hair. Making little digs and sly comments.

Now, it could always have been that I was too subservient in that, due to previous experiences I didn’t want to do anything to rock the so-called boat, and therefore just cow-towed and agreed with them.

I have been the one, throughout my life where I have watched other women treat men like dirt and yet they themselves are still treated like princesses. Whereas if I dared to disagree or stamp my little foot I have been shown the door – no, not shown ,literally thrown out the door – before the stamping foot reached the floor!

But wherever the fault lies I, myself don’t play mind games.

I am now in a place where I know who I am and am happy and content with that.

I don’t fit moulds – I break them. I cannot change myself to someone elses ideal. If they want me, they get me – warts and all, If they want me to change me – they will be disappointed.

But what is the point of games?

I don’t get this whole “rule” thing about dating.

If you like someone, be you male or female, what is so wrong in just being open and telling them?

Why do you have to go through the pointless, and dare I say, pathetic routine game playing?

Why shouldn’t a girl text a bloke and say “fancy a drink?”

Why should a bloke string 2 girls along til he can decide which one he prefers? (I must point out that this of course applies to women stringing 2 blokes along as well)

Why should we sit around looking at our phones wishing they would call or text? Why don’t we just think “screw it” and call/text them?

Why do we hit the panic button over the “L” word? Why has society built such a small word up to such an extent that it feels like when you say it, what you are actually saying is “I’m using this as a test to see whether you will say it back!” When in reality that little word actually just means you have touched another person’s heart and soul? Does it really matter a fig who says it first? Does it matter really if the other person doesn’t say it back? We all know our own hearts, we cannot dictate another’s, so maybe the other person doesn’t say it back, it doesn’t mean they don’t, though of course it might!

Dating should be fun – not akin to playing a tactical game of chess or Strategy.

I mean clearly, that’s why I’m a disaster zone.

Surely, it should just be a case of I like you, you like me. Let’s go out and have some fun.

Starting out as friends and if you feel “chemistry” (and I use the word very loosely) – surely that’s an even better place to start.

Getting to know someone surely should be a time of excitement and joy, not feeling stressed because you feel you must play the game and follow the ‘dating rules’?

Isn’t it time society ripped up the so-called rules and made a new set?

Of course, it’s all very well for me to talk, but if truth be told I would be the last person to do that.

I would love to be able to just say “hey, no pressure, let’s go out for a drink?”

But I fear my heart has been broken too many times.

 

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