Tag Archives: fear

A-Z of Life – Faith

faithDon’t worry, I’m not going to write about religion … that kind of faith.

Rather I’m going to witter on about the other definition of the word.

Faith – complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

Previously in the life of this Wonderful Geekette I was too sceptical (what do they want from me?), too judgmental (who do they think they are?), too critical (how dare you?) and too untrusting (I don’t believe you!).

Based purely on life experiences that had led me to believe, rightly or wrongly, that other people were always going to hurt, misuse and abuse me – for want of a better expression – in one way or another if I let them get close.

And, as for me I never even had faith in me, either my own abilities or opinions.

So I just hid away behind my brick wall of safety that I built up around me, letting life pass me by. Afraid of everything and everyone, because each time I did poke my nose above the parapet to take a sniff at the outside world something and/or someone would have me diving back for cover and building yet another layer on the wall.

But then, a couple of years ago (as I’ve said many times), I knew I had to get my act together.

To quote Anne of Green Gables “you’ve shut out life … and now life is shutting you out.” And I was, by hiding away I was shutting out life and doing nothing but existing.

One of the many self-help books I read basically repeated the time old saying that our thoughts become reality and we become what we think.

And I didn’t want to end up that sad, mad (well, no crazier than normal), bitter and twisted old biddy with no kind word to say about anything or anyone – believe me, I think I was on that road.

More importantly, I didn’t want my lack of faith in humanity rubbing off on SC.

So, like everything else I have done over the last couple of years to get from where I was to my present state I have had to start trusting and believing in life and people.

I have learned that life will have ups and downs, but the downs will only make you down if you let them.

I have learned to take the downs as lessons that I can learn from and grow and have faith that there is something better for me down the road.

I have learned to trust other people, although I’m still a little unsure and it takes me a while to fully open up. And by putting my trust in them I know that sometimes I may be proved wrong, but if that happens then I can’t change anything, so as they say I “don’t even worry about it!”

I have learned that not everyone will understand me and not everyone will like me. I get that now, so I’ve given up trying to please everyone, the only person I try to please is me.

I have learned to have faith, that the world is not so scary and that life is an adventure to be lived.

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Snake Massage anyone?

It would appear that in some beauty parlours in some far flung corners of the earth, the latest ‘craze’ (for want of a better word) is to have a snake massage.snake massage

Which basically involves lying on the massage table whilst several reptiles (non venomous of course) are adorned across you and left to slither around. Apparently, it is all very relaxing!!

Now, I know I’m game to try most things when it comes to alternative treatments, etc. – and yes I did have my feet nibbled by fish – but I think I even I would draw the line at this.

Mainly because snakes scare the heck out of me (and yes, I know they aren’t slimy, or cold – but they still scare me), so paying for the privilege of them crawling all over me – I don’t think so!

I think I’ll stick to having my body massages by hands 😉

Would you?

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Wands, Broomsticks and Dragons

I don’t like Halloween!Samhain

(There I said it)

Possibly because, scary masks completely freak me out (I went to see one of the Nightmare on Elm Street films years ago (and yes, I know it’s tame compared to the vileness that we see these days) but it still scared the heebie-jeebies out of me to the extent I had to sleep with the light on, and have my giant teddy bear in the bed with me – and yes, I was over 18!!)

But also because where I live we have had some trouble in the past with ‘charming young people’ (note, the hint of sarcasm) terrorising the neighbourhood, vandalising property and so on. (I know, and in the ‘burbs as well!)

These days it’s lights off and pretend not to be home.

And finally, because gruesomeness seems to have taken over a seemingly innocent ancient festival.

On Halloween, I took SC to a Samhain festival, from which Halloween has its origins.

Samhain is the Celtic festival held on the 31st October, which marks the end of the harvest season and the beginning of winter – which some people say also marked the start of the Celtic New Year.

Like Beltane (held on May Day) it is a time when spirits and souls of the dead can move from the otherworld to this one – and where Halloween has taken off is from the ‘guising’ part of the festival where people went from door-to-door in costume reciting verse in return for food.

But I digress.

Since this is the one day in the year when creatures can move between worlds we had to help protect a village from a fierce dragon who had come from the other world, and send him packing.

This involved making wands from willow. As someone who would like to be more ‘crafty’ than she is I surprised myself with my wand-making abilities, although I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be suitable for any student at Hogwarts!

We (SC & I) were shown how to shape the willow and fix it so we had a wand with a ‘sort-of’ star-shaped top. Then we got to decorate it with wool (they didn’t have sequins in those days!) – although there was some very ‘Celtic’ sparkly, luminescent curly wire. I must admit I went for the sparkle darlings! Ashamed? Nope – sparkle is essential! 😉

Then we had to make a broomstick to  shake at the naughty pixies and goblins to send them packing.

We had a good stab at it – but I don’t think it’s very good for flying. I made the handle too short and quite frankly it would not be sturdy enough to take a fairy, let alone me! Shame, because I quite fancied pretending to be a witch with a cat “and a very tall hat, and long ginger hair which she wore in a plait….as they sat on their broomstick and flew through the wind” – so there is definitely not room on the broom for me!!

Think I’ll just buy myself a proper broomstick – if nothing else it will help clear all the leaves that have dropped in the garden – which is amazing since we don’t have any trees!

We left worries and wishes in the Celtic chief’s cauldron, followed dragon footprints round the woods to his den, and then went through the haunted forest, where the high wizard gave a magical protection spell to give us safe passage.

At the end of the day we followed the torches through the forest, banging the drums as we went and watched the “Chief” send a flaming arrow into the Wicker Man, over which were scattered our worries and wishes, to welcome in the Winter.

Definitely nothing pagan about it (as some people are led to believe – that, from what I understand, is just the ‘spin’ the early church gave it – so ‘spinning’ is not a new thing!) There was no devil worshipping or sacrificing anything at any altar.

We had the most amazing time – and, more importantly heaps of fun 😉

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Friday Poem – Woman in Love

A beautiful poem by Rainer Maria Rilke. Is the poem though conveying the thoughts of a woman’s view of love, especially the last verse, or since the poet is actually a man, is he conveying his true thoughts about how it feels to a man to be in love? Interesting point I thought? What do you think?

Woman in Love

That is my window. Just now
I have so softly wakened.
I thought that I would float.
How far does my life reach,
and where does the night begin

I could think that everything
was still me all around;
transparent like a crystal’s
depths, darkened, mute.

I could keep even the stars
within me; so immense
my heart seems to me; so willingly
it let him go again.

whom I began perhaps to love, perhaps to hold.
Like something strange, undreamt-of,
my fate now gazes at me.

For what, then, am I stretched out
beneath this endlessness,
exuding fragrance like a meadow,
swayed this way and that,

calling out and frightened
that someone will hear the call,
and destined to disappear
inside some other life.

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The A-Z of Life – Variety

Question!

If variety is the spice of life, why, do we all seem to terrified of change?

When change happens, we are all guilty of being reluctant to embrace it fully in some way.

Variety may be the spice of life, but routine is safe, it’s what we know and sometimes we just don’t want to leave our comfort zone.

For me, I think that’s probably why I never put money into a house. I wanted too, and came close a couple of times. But each time, I was swayed by a couple of external factors – my dad (ever the cautious accountant) saying, that the word was house prices were going to drop in the next couple of months (just don’t buy shares, I think would be my advice to him now) and secondly, myself. If truth be told, I was always too scared to branch out on my own. I’ve already said I am one of nature’s natural born-worriers, and always there would be a barrage of what-ifs that popped into my head, and the worrier in me would outweigh the adventurous me. It always does.

I would like to think that now, with the wisdom of a few more years, I am slightly more adaptable to change, especially having had SC.

In fact, right now, I am embarking on a new voyage of discovery.

The chains which bound me in work for the past couple of years, I have just shaken off, and for the first time in a long time I feel free.

I have so much that I want to do, so many ideas, but first and foremost I have to build myself back up in order to be a hard-core bread-winning machine.

I’ve finally accepted the hand that has been dealt me now, and if I am to be on my own, then that’s the way it’s going to be.

I’ve proved to myself I can deal with my own disasters however painful they may be.

I feel afraid, for sure, but I know I can cope with anything life throws at me – I have the battle scars to prove it. I may have been defeated, more times than I have won battles, but I have not failed, for every single time I dusted myself down and stood back up again stronger and wiser than ever.

I didn’t need anyone before I had SC, I don’t need anyone now!

One of the best books I have read was “Who Moved My Cheese”, by Dr Spencer Johnson is all about the different ways we look at change, which can be applied to any aspect of our lives.

Most of us can embrace change, eventually, and it takes some of us longer than others.

There are some people though who will never be able to embrace change.

As for me, I’m off to find new cheese!

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The A-Z of Life – Unknown

“The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown!” (Supernatural Horror in Literature by HP Lovecraft)

“People are supposed to fear the unknown, but ignorance is bliss when knowledge is so damn frightening.”  (The Laughing Corpse, Laurell K Hamilton)

“One is never afraid of the unknown; one is afraid of the known coming to an end.”  (Jiddu Krishnamurti)

“How can you know what you’re capable of if you don’t embrace the unknown?”  (Conquistadora, Esmerelda Santiago)

“It is the unknown that excites the ardour of scholars, who, in the known alone, would shrivel up with boredom.” (Wallace Stevens)

“Even just seconds ahead is unknown; even just seconds after is open to infinite possibilities.”  (Mehmet Murat Ildan)

 

Every day we wake up to an unknown future.

Sure we know we are going to read the newspaper, go to work, relax with a hobby, but what about the unknown element to life.

We don’t know who we are going to meet who might change our future in some way.

We don’t know what is going to happen that might affect our future in some way.

And sometimes the unknown doesn’t have to be a big global disaster, it can be a simple gesture from a stranger, or a letter that can have the biggest impact on your life.

Do we fear the unknown?

Or do we embrace it?

Patrick Overton in his collection of poems entitled “The Leaning Tree” he wrote “When you walk to the edge of all the light you have and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for you to stand upon or you will be taught to fly.”

Sometimes taking that first step into an unknown future is the scariest thing to do and it is the biggest leap of faith you will ever take.

Things happen in our lives for a reason – be they good or bad.

Destiny, karma, call it what you like.

But we all have to trust that by journeying on into the unknown we are following our personal, and pre-destined passage through life.

We all know where our ultimate destination lies!

Everyone’s destination is the same, but how we get there varies enormously.

But what about ‘unknowns’ of the past?

Things that happen and you just don’t know the real reason behind it.

Sometimes it really is a case of ignorance is bliss, because in some cases knowing the truth could be more painful than just filing it under “unknown”

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10 Commandments for Simplifying Your Life

Here’s quite a good list I came across, written by a gentleman called Ian McDermott. What are your favourites and would you add anything to the list?

  1. Thou shalt not worry, for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.
  2. Thou shalt not be fearful for most of the things we fear never come to pass.
  3. Thou shalt not cross bridges before you get to them for no one yet has succeeded in accomplishing this.
  4. Thou shalt face each problem as it comes, for you can handle only one at a time anyway.
  5. Thou shalt not become bogged down by frustration and self-pity, for they drain the life out of you…..
  6. Thou shalt not borrow other peoples problems, for they can take better care of them than you can.
  7. Thou shalt not try to relive yesterday for good or ill – it is gone.
  8. Thou shalt count thy blessings, never overlooking small ones, for a lot of tiny blessings add up to a very big one.
  9. Thou shalt be a good listener, for only when you listen do you hear ideas different from your own.
  10. Thou shalt not take problems to bed with you for they make very poor bedfellows

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