Tag Archives: different

Being Me

“Be yourself!”

Isn’t that what we’re always told when we’re growing up?

But yet, when we are ourselves, if we don’t ‘fit in’ to society’s nice little pigeon holes we are derided, ridiculed, shunned and made to feel worthless.

Just because we dared to be ourselves. Dared to be different.

That’s when we start to hide our true selves, hide behind a mask, hide behind a façade, hide our feelings from the world, scared to let the world see the real us.

I’ve spent most of my life apologising.

Apologising for what? Apologising for being me and then trying desperately to be something and someone that I’m just clearly not meant to be.

I built up walls around myself to protect me from everything – life, people, the world, myself – but those walls kept me a prisoner.

I was afraid to be me.

And yet life went on. The world kept spinning, time kept marching on and I just existed.

But. And it’s a big but.

I realised in the end you have to be yourself, otherwise you are just living a lie.

As I said in my 1st post of this new blog, over the past couple of years I have undergone a transformation. I have been Joshua and those walls of Jericho have come tumbling down.

I have forgiven myself and come to love who I am.

I have learned from mistakes past and grown.

I always look on the bright side and try to see the kindness in others.

I try to start each day on a positive note and am thankful for everything I am and everything I have.

For sure there are days when I do let things get to me, but instead of worrying, hiding or beating myself up, I just let life flow and make the most of every opportunity or curve ball life throws me.

I know I’m not perfect and I’m not even pretending I am, but I’m right now I feel more alive than I have ever done … and it’s a great feeling 😉

Leave a comment

Filed under life

The A-Z of Life – Normal

Normal – what’s normal?

Is it society’s perceived ideal of normality?

Where if you don’t have the same kind of life as everyone else – you are clearly socially inept and obviously from another universe?

Surely as individual’s whatever we do is normal for us and if it doesn’t sit with convention then convention can go whistle?

Why do we feel pressured into trying to conform to something that we would feel uncomfortable with?

Why does society like to label and pigeon-hole people?

Some part of me would love a so-called ‘normal life’ – you know a home of my own, with a lovely partner/husband and children – and on some level I feel sad and empty when I see families doing normal family things, as if I’ve failed SC in some way, and that I am a failure as a ‘procreating human being’ for not having found a ‘mate’.

But that clearly is not meant to be.

For me, I’ve been on my own so long I’ve kind of got used to my own company – and I quite like me now, I like my sense of humour, I like my failings and I like being able to be me 😉

I’ve had a couple of disasters, and maybe on some level that was my subconscious hitting the self-destruct button as I was feeling stifled by convention and suffocated by normality – aside from the fact they were both leeches that sucked the living life out of me and left me completely bereft of sparkle and passion.

Even with friendships I’ve never had any really close friends – no one has ever really ‘got me’. I’ve got friends, but they see the smile on my face, not the pain in my eyes that I manage to hide away.

So for me – aside from obviously being a green-scaled alien from the planet Zarg – my normality is being on my own, with SC. Everything I do is for him. He is my life. I know one day he will not need me, but he does right now.

I’ve also learned to accept that I probably don’t do convention, and that it’s actually OK to be different and not run with the crowd for the sake of running.

Different should never be thought of as wrong, or bad, it’s just different.

And sometimes being different can make you feel more in control and empower you more than being ‘normal’!



Filed under A-Z of Life

The A-Z of Life – Happiness

We all want to be happy.

Sometimes we just let life get to us, and end up wishing for happiness, wishing our lives were different, wishing our lives were like other people who seem to be so happy.

Happiness takes on many forms – we would be happier if we earned more money, we would be happier if we had what other people had, we would be happier if we could be more successful, etc.

But happiness doesn’t come from outside influences.

Happiness comes from inside.

We are ultimately responsible for our own happiness.

If we cannot be happy with ourselves, then we will never be happy. And it won’t matter how many friends you have, how much money you make, etc.

So how do we become happy?

There seems to be no miracle cure – believe me, I’ve looked, and if there were I’d bottle it and make a fortune 😉

We just have to look at our lives and look for the good not the disappointments, look forward not back.

If we can cling onto one good thought, one time in our lives when we were happy, that surely is a step on to the ladder?

Then if we can be thankful for one thing in our lives each day, slowly we should be able to see a glimmer of light.

I have been at the bottom of the ladder.

I haven’t made it to the top yet, and some days I slip down a few rungs.

But I am happy with who I am – I am by no means perfect, but I am aware of my faults and can live with them 😉

I am happy with my life – it may not be picture perfect like everyone elses appears to be, but I am happy to be alive, with a head full of ideas 😉

I am happy with my state of mind – I try to find the good in everything and everyone 😉

I’m happy to be me 😉

Leave a comment

Filed under A-Z of Life