Tag Archives: assumptions

Are men and women the same?

Someone once asked me if I thought men and women were the same.men-women

I said that I thought they were, fundamentally, which they didn’t, and I still stand firm in my opinion.

Despite the obvious physical differences, I still believe in a nutshell that deep-down men, like women, feel the same emotions, have the same needs and want the same things.

After all, we are essentially made from the same genetic material, so why would we differ psychologically, so to speak?

It’s just that somewhere along the lines of human development from caveman to present-day the lines have become somewhat muddled, and men have been programmed to suppress their emotions.

The advancement of feminism has also thrown a spanner in the works. Men now longer know whether or not to try to be chivalrous by opening doors, etc., as they don’t know which camp a woman is in – they will either be met with a thank you, or a torrent of feministic rhetoric about how we can open our own doors, thank you!

The key to fulfilling our emotions, wants and needs whether you are a man or a woman is communication.

Without communication we just end up making assumptions about the other person – for example, how many women reading this have thought that because a man doesn’t call that he isn’t interested in them? Maybe the man is sitting at home unsure whether to call, because he is assuming you are not interested in him?

Men are just as afraid of being rejected as women are.

It’s this reading between the lines, adding 2 and 2 together and coming up with 17 that means we tend to get everything screwed up.

Honest communication is vital in any relationship in life – be it business or pleasure – and sometimes, ladies and gentlemen, we just have to screw “The Rules” and open the door first, take a chance.

What’s the worst that can happen?

We get laughed at, rejected, etc.

But surely that’s not as bad as spending a lifetime wondering … what if?

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Top 5 Assumptions People make about Me

Top 5 assumptions people make about me:

  1. I’m a single mum, so I must be easy – this is soooo not the case. As I pointed out before being a single mum was not a career choice, I would prefer to be in the stereotypical normal loving relationship with 2.4 children. I’m not, but this does not make me easy. In fact in my 40 years on this planet I have slept with 5 guys – that’s it. Just 5! Does that make me easy, when young women these days seem to be sleeping with a different man every weekend? I have kissed a lot more. Oh yes, way more, BUT I would like to stress that it was only kissing, nothing went any further than that. But I have only slept with 5 – first time I was 21, 2nd was somewhere in my mid-20s, 3rd was my first love (that’s right I didn’t sleep with him when I first went out with him, it was about the 4th attempt of being together (complete disaster)), 4th was Mr Wrong No 1 and 5th was Mr Wrong No. 2. If it happens that I meet a nice, handsome guy it will only happen if and when it feels right. It will mean everything, not nothing. And be special!
  2. I’m an idiot – they don’t think I’m dumb, but they just don’t think I’m very bright 😉 I feel it’s easier to let them think this. Saves a lot of hassle in the long run. I’m not. I know my own mind, have my own opinions and can, at times, be very blunt. I will call a spade a spade!
  3. They think I’m something I’m not – Rita Hayworth always said that people went to bed with Gilda, but woke up with her and were disappointed. A lot of people think this way about me. Not, obviously, because I anyway near resemble that beautiful lady, but most of the parts I have played on stage (locally, I hasten to add, I’m not Angelina Jolie in disguise) have been strong, sexy, vampish types. I am not like this at all.  I am very shy around people I do not know, especially in social situations. I open up only when I feel safe and comfortable in someone’s company. I was bullied at school, and have been squashed like a cabbage leaf to such an extent that any spark I had vanished. It has only just started coming back. I am happy in my own mind, I am at peace with my life and I look forward to whatever chance throws my way But I am not that sexy lady people see on stage – that’s a part, they aren’t my words, they’ve been written. It’s easier to play a part that is so far removed from what you are really like, than someone who is almost like you.
  4. I ‘have it easy’ because I live with my parents – I live with my parents because I have no where else to go. I will never, ever be able to repay my parents for taking me and SC in. They should be enjoying retirement, not having a small child running around the place 24 hours a day. But at the moment I cannot afford to live anywhere else. Don’t think, like everyone else, that I get everything done for me. Because I don’t. I do the cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing for all of us, and the gardening. I am also trying to build up business so I can afford to get a place of our own and I am in sole charge of SC because he’s my responsibility, not my parent’s. I do not go out every night of the week, getting drunk and abusing their generosity. I go out twice a week. To dance class and rehearsal. Occasionally, and it is very rare I go out at the weekends, it’s usually with my mum to the theatre. But that happens maybe two or three times a year. If I am asked to go out, when pigs are generally flying underneath a blue moon, I always ask my parents, out of politeness more than permission. My mum is always encouraging me to go out and enjoy myself if I have the chance 😉
  5. I can be treated anyway they choose – sometimes people think it doesn’t seem to matter what they say to me, however hurtful their remarks. After all, it’s only me, I don’t have feelings, I deserve to be treated like something they just trod in. I might brush off comments, with a laugh or a quick quip back, but that doesn’t mean I’m not hurting inside. Laughter is my defence mechanism. Don’t let them see they’ve hurt you, or they’ll do it all the more. Laugh it off and they’ll get bored. But that doesn’t mean that when I get home I don’t feel sad about what’s been said. It doesn’t stop me thinking about those remarks, and over-analysing situations, coming to my own conclusions that maybe they’re right and I don’t deserve any happiness. I’ve said before that I think way too much, I’ve only got my own thoughts to talk to and this thinking eats away at me. Here are my top 3 comments I’ve been subjected to: “The only person to go out with you must be drunk, blind or certifiable”, “I pity the poor man who ends up with you” and my favourite said by Mr Wrong No. 2 (I had known him for 10 years before we got together) “When I first met you, even though I was married I thought if I was to have an affair it would be with someone like you!” Charming, eh? (He obviously made assumption number 3)

Everyone makes assumptions – based on a variety of things. But assumptions are just that – assumptions, thought processes evolved from assessing a situation at face value without asking questions.

The more we question, the more we find out and the more we learn.

 

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