What do you do when you need a call of nature in the middle of nowhere?


…because my problem is that I cannot answer that call of nature behind a bush.woods

It’s a big problem.

I have tried. My sister (an intrepid adventurer) advised me the best way to do it. I was even given a book about it (I didn’t even know such books exist). But despite my best endeavours, it is always a complete dis-ar-ster dar-ling (said in my best Craig Revel-Horwood voice)

I have tried, but the last time…well, it’s a story at any rate 😉

I was out in the middle of nowhere in Europe on a hike with Mr Wrong No. 1. We’d stopped for lunch by a river which was running through the wood. Obviously water needed recycling, for want of a better expression, and there was nowhere to go except behind a bush.

Now, knowing I was rubbish at this I decided to completely (behind the bush I hasten to add) remove my clothing from the waist down – I mean the place was deserted – and just get on with it. All was fine, until a young local man, on a lilo of all things, floated down the river, noticed me behind the bush and shouted “hello there!”. Cue me turning a very dark shade of beetroot from me feet to the top of my head. Called hello back, and dived down again to quickly get dressed and avoid any further embarrassment 😉

So, these days when nature calls and I am not near a facility, I just grin and bear it until I am, even if it is a couple of hours later.

On the plus side it is does my pelvic floor muscles a power of good 😉

On the negative side it does make it incredibly difficult to laugh for fear of – well I’ll leave that to your imagination 😉

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