Monthly Archives: April 2013

Happy Beltane

It’s May-Eve (seriously, the year is going too quickly, I blame to long, cold winter).

However, I digress.

It’s May-Eve and Beltane heralds the arrival of summer, sensuality revitalised and the earth awakes..

People dance round the may-pole and go a-Maying (which is just another way of saying one major league night of ‘how’s your father’ outside in the woods).

Fires are lit to celebrate the return to life and fruitfulness of the earth.

People jump over the fires for luck – singletons for finding a spouse, travellers for a safe journey and pregnant ladies for an easy birth.

Handfastings which last a year and a day also take place on May-Eve (handfasting involves tying the hands of a couple with a ribbon as a contract of betrothal)

As for me, well one day, if I’m a really good girl maybe someone will want to tie their hands to mine and we can jump over the fire together.

In the meantime, I will be collecting tonight’s dew, for it is said that if you bathe in the dew of the Beltane morn your beauty would flourish throughout the year (and I think I need all the help I can get 😉 )

So whatever you do, may you find peace and happiness this May-Eve.

Blessed be.

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What are your ‘favourite things’?

..you know, like the ones from the song – “girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes”, etc.brownpaperpackage

So when you’re feeling sad, what are your favourite things?

Here’s mine:

– the smell of freshly cut grass

– the smell of the damp earth after rain

– warm sand between my toes

– gooey, sticky, creamy cake

– splashing in puddles (not the muddy kind I hasten to add)

– sliding down stair rails

– wishing on a star

– waltzing to Norah Jones ‘Come Away With Me’

– the smell of Johnson’s Baby Lotion

– a sing-along session to my favourite musical tunes

– tramping through crunchy Autumn leaves

– sitting on a hilltop watching the sun set

– the sound of raindrops on the window-pane

– kissing the top of SC’s head as he’s nestled into the place between my chin and shoulder

– the smell of deep red velvety roses

– orange blossom

– walking in the countryside

– train journeys

– that blissful sense of peace between waking and the pain & nausea of conscious thought kicking in

– cuddles

– roaring fires

– the sound of laughter

– long, slow, tender kisses

– believing dreams can come true

– snowflakes

– birdsong

– the sound of gently lapping waves on the shore

– hot sunshine

and of course brown paper packages tied up with string, these are a few of my favourite things 😉

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Love is Like – Sailing

… and it’s never plain sailing either.SailingSunset

Some boats never even make it out of the harbour!

Sometimes we journey on a speedboat, and we want to yell out “slow down”, but it’s far too exciting and fun, for a while, before the boat runs out of power and then it stops as abruptly as it started.

Sometimes we get to travel on a luxury yacht and we pinch ourselves to make sure that it’s really true and that we really have made it to ‘first-class’. All too often though we end up as the second-class mate made to scrub the decks, having been replaced by a more suitable first-class mate!

Sometimes we travel in the tug boat behind the cruise liner wishing that just once we could join everyone on the liner and experience what they are, but the tug boat never catches up.

Sometimes we travel on a fishing vessel where the net is spread wide catching everything and anything in its path. It’s a long, arduous task sifting the good fish from the bad fish though!

If we are very lucky we end up on a boat that is going in the direction we want to travel.

All the signals are good, weather fine, course mapped, provisions full.

And when you set sail, you have to learn to work together to get the boat moving in the right direction, otherwise you can veer off course, stand still, or even just go round in circles.

There may be choppy waters or high gales and this is when you have to work hardest to keep the boat on course. If you are on the right boat whatever you encounter the boat stays its course, mind you sometimes the boat gets abandoned quicker than rats deserting the sinking ship!

Once you have navigated the initial tricky passage from harbour, up the estuary and out into the main body of water, the hardest part is over.

All that’s left to do is sail off into the sunset and enjoy all the ‘adventures that wait in the waters off the coast of tomorrow’!

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Love is Like … Road Signs

… not to mention the hold-ups along the way.

Sometimes its a no-through road.

Sometimes we encounter a T-junction, whereby we have to make choices at some point.

Sometimes we are confronted by very obvious STOP signs.

Sometimes we feel like we are travelling down a narrow lane with passing places where obstacles seem mountainous to overcome.

Sometimes it’s a dual carriageway with traffic, and cars that have been passed previously get in our way again, so we have to re-negotiate and continue on the journey.

But best of all is the sign to the freeway. All lanes open in both directions, free-flowing with miles of continuous road ahead of you, and only the occasional bit of traffic, or roadworks 😉

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Top 5 Odd Things About Me

In no particular order

  1. I can’t belch – seriously! When I was a baby my mum used to try to wind me for hours … Occasionally, I get this rumbling noise in my throat, but I cannot belch!
  2. I sleep with my eyes at least half-open – now I bet you’re wondering how I know this. Well, Mr Wrong No. 1 used to wake me at ridiculous hours in the morning to check over documents, and when I said I was asleep, he said “but your eyes were open!”. I guess it must be true because SC does the same thing.
  3. I broke my little toe and now it just sticks up at a weird angle – doesn’t bend and does not ‘toe the line’ with the other digits on my foot!
  4. I sometimes fade out to commercial – no reason, I just sometimes go blank and my mind is who knows where. I’m not thinking about anything – I think it’s generally called staring into space, but it’s what I do.
  5. I don’t like crowds and prefer to go places where there won’t be too many other people, or just curl up at home.

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The glass is always half-full

No matter what, it is never half-empty.

I’ve been feeling a bit, well, you know … emotional this week (typical female), but after a good night’s sleep, woke up feeling more positive about things.

After all, if you try looking at something from a different perspective, things are never as bad as we believe they are 😉

 

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I’m one big disappointment!

Why do I feel that I am one big disappointment after another in my father’s eyes?clock

He was the one who taught me to be independent, and yet I failed.

He was the one who taught me that if you work hard you reap the rewards, and yet I failed.

He was the one who taught me to be careful, and yet I failed.

Everything I try, I do to try to please my father, and yet I fail.

Even when other people ‘lavish’ praise on my efforts, not one word of praise escapes my fathers lips.

I can’t even remember my father saying he loved me, like most fathers do to their offspring.

I’m at a crossroads in my life where I need to make big decisions about where I am headed in order to make a good life for SC.

Yet in my father’s eyes everything is black and white – I have to do either A or B.

I have ideas, but he says that they should just be sidelines – yet the problem is, and a lesson I have learned from bitter experience past is that if I go down route A and dabble with ideas, then the ideas are just another chalked-up failure. You cannot do, and give your full attention to 2 different things, especially if you have attention needed from a SC – it just doesn’t work.

Fate, apparently, throws at us what it feels we can deal with.

But you know what?

I’m tired.

I don’t want to have to fight to keep my head above the water every single hour of every single day.

I don’t want to give up, I’m not a quitter, but right now I feel I have no other option.

I want time. Time for me to prove my worth. Time for me to be a good mum (instead of the failure I feel). Time for me to be me.

But I don’t have time.

The clock never stops ticking (which is probably why I hate loud ticking clocks).

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