If I have had a problem that I’m finding difficult to overcome, the only answer I’ve ever had is to run away.
When I was younger I did want to physically run away when I was faced with problems – bullies, relationships, boredom with my life – to somewhere new, where I could start again, afresh where no one knew me.
My mum said that the same problems would follow me, they would just have different names and faces.
And she was right, because although I could run away from the problem, I couldn’t run away from myself and how I was feeling about me.
Now I’m older, I’ve actually come to like myself. I think I’m all right really. It’s taken a while, but at the end of the day what you see is what you get.
Yes, I’m loud, determined, ambitious, competitive, tend to put my mouth into gear before brain, amongst other things, but I’m also kind, compassionate, thoughtful and trusting (to name but a few). I make no claims to being perfect, but I’m nowhere near as bad a person as people have led me to believe.
Most importantly, I have found peace and happiness with myself. I believe in me. I am what I am, to coin a phrase.
All the bad stuff from bullies to bad boyfriends is in the past. Shut away and will never stop me enjoying life again.
Roosevelt is quoted as saying in his inaugural speech that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself and he’s right.
I have spent the last 20 or so years of my life being fearful, hiding away from the world, afraid of being me, allowing myself to be ‘controlled’ and treated badly.
I’m not afraid anymore.
I’m not going to let happiness pass me by anymore.
I know what I want.
If I were to run away now, I wouldn’t be running from a problem I would be running to a wonderful new chapter in my life.