Daily Archives: August 12, 2012

Pants

Is it just me, or does anyone else get mightily peeved, when shopping for matching frillies, to be offered only 2 choices of knickers – in the loosest sense of the word? Thong, or boy shorts!

Now personally, I prefer to keep my backside covered – and I can’t be the only one. So why do shops not cater for all tastes. It surely can’t be a question of cost, I mean it can’t cost that much to run a thread of elastic across the top and bottom of a Y-shaped piece of material??

According to a certain shop’s customer service, when I griped about their distinct lack of bottom-covering matching undies, the response was that “they aren’t popular amongst our clientele”.

Now I could understand that comment should their client base constitute a majority of teenagers and girls in the 20s. But this happened to be M&S, where everyone’s Granny shops. Everyone owns at least one pair of M&S undies. And when was the last time you saw an octogenarian buy a pair of boys shorts, let alone a thong!

Just what is the point of thongs?

Comfort? Surely it isn’t comfortable walking around with the feeling that you are suffering from permanent KUB Syndrome (KUB = Knickers Up Bottom). I mean we spend our formative years trying to avoid KUB Syndrome – because it’s uncomfortable and let’s face it, there is no easy or inconspicuous way to extract the offending garment – so why do we then purchase thongs? It would be more comfortable wearing dental floss.

Attractive to the opposite sex? Yes – for obvious reasons.

BUT IT IS NOT attractive poking out the top of your trousers. Let’s face it, no undergarment is, irrespective of whether it’s dental floss, lace, satin or covered in diamante.

So is the point of the thong to remove the worry of having a VPL?

Apparently though, that’s what “boy shorts” were invented for. They sure as heck weren’t invented for comfort either, because the moment you start moving so do they. Resulting in KUB Syndrome!

My advice, if you want to avoid a VPL – go commando, or buy a bigger pair of trousers!

As for me, I prefer comfort! I like to know, for want of a better expression that my backside is covered 😉

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Being blunt!

… or calling a spade a spade.

Now most of the time, I pretty much say how I feel. But sometimes I hold back and those are really the times in my life when I wished I could have been more blunt and to the point:

‘Stop your pathetic bullying! Just because I am different to you does not mean I should be treated the way you are treating me!’

‘I am proud to be different. I would rather be me than a sheep! At least I know my own mind, I don’t have to follow the herd.’

‘I’m sorry! You said what? That you’d be ashamed to say you’d never had a permanent job? How very dare you! You didn’t seem to object to my alternative career path when it paid for your holidays and weekends away! And you never minded, just expected, me to dip my hand in my pocket all the time!’

‘Were you chatting the Russian bird up over the Internet before I walked out on you?’

‘Seriously, why did you treat me like s**t?’

‘Oh false friend indeed! I have just realised that you have never been a true friend. Only when you wanted something did you feign interest. You’re not a very nice person and to be honest I won’t miss you in my life.’

‘No, I’m not doing fine on my own, thanks for asking though…not!’

‘No, actually. I didn’t get a scholarship over you just because of my dancing and singing! I got it because, funnily enough, I can act as well, and this is first and foremost a drama school… Clearly, you’re not as good as you puff yourself up to be, or you would have got one!’

‘What do you want from me? You can’t just keep me hanging around, it’s not fair! Make your bl***y mind up. If you like me, do something about it, but don’t hedge your bets!’

‘Will you give over your b****y moaning. So you didn’t get the part you wanted. Do you think that maybe, just maybe, the person that did get the part actually might be better than you. There’s no need for all the nastiness. It’s petty, totally uncalled for, it’s making me feel uncomfortable and showing your true colours. Get over yourself!’

‘I’m not perfect. Does that shock you that I am actually aware of my failings? Question is are you aware of yours?’

‘So you really think that SC doesn’t need you until he’s about 8 or 9? God! Your father obviously instilled some good parenting skills in you…not! You go ahead and think that a**hole, crawl back under your rock from whence you came and leave him alone. Because you know what t***head he doesn’t need you, and when you want SC, he’s going to tell you exactly where to go…and hell won’t be far enough!’

‘Why the f*** do you bother coming to visit SC? You spend all morning checking your watch and spend less than 15 minutes actually engaging with him before you sprawl on the floor/sofa ignoring him. It’s all for show, and if it’s just to soothe your guilty conscience, you know where you can stick it!’

‘Mmm, when you asked me to move in with you, I thought you’d at least make room for me. I wasn’t expecting to live out of a suitcase and plastic bags for 3 years! Is that how you treated your last girlfriend? And why the hell did it take me 3 years to come to my senses? You know what Russian bride is welcome to you. Hope she’s just as selfish as you are!’

‘I’m sorry, did I hear you correctly? Did you just say that if I had an independent midwife and I ended up needing to come to hospital (which believe me would only be in an emergency with me drugged up to the eyeballs) what made me think that I was entitled to use the hospital? Mmm, let me think! How about the fact that I pay more than my fair share in tax and national insurance. I didn’t realise that the NHS wasn’t accessible for everyone, I must have misinterpreted its original purpose in my O’Level history course!’

‘Gee! Thanks for all your help and support whilst I was in labour! Not! Seriously, you think p***ing off, falling asleep and keeping silent was really helpful. Most men (and by men I mean nice guys not a**holes like you) are full of encouraging words and actions. W****r!’

‘We’ve been friends for years, but seriously does that give you the right to be so f***ing insulting? You don’t really know me. You see the person on stage and the roles I play, so you have no right to say you pity the man who ends up with me! Who the hell are you to talk? Have you taken a good look at your own marriage recently?’

‘Shock! Horror! My child is no angel! But seriously, do you really think that’s just because I’m a single mother? With all the c*** he’s been dealt at school (not a week has gone by where he hasn’t been kicked, bitten, hit, or generally abused in some shape or form), not once has he retaliated and hit back! I think that actually makes him a better person, and maybe I’ve actually got something right as a mother!’

‘Did I forget to mention that I’m a very impatient person? I don’t wait for long, so don’t make me!’

 

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Love is … like catching a bus

and in my case, I can wait and wait and wait and the darned things never turn up 😉

But it is true. We sit around waiting for a bus and then one turns up (hopefully).

Sometimes to reach our destination we have to change buses as not all of them are a direct route.

Sometimes the bus breaks down!

So what do you do then?

Maybe another bus turns up, whilst you are waiting for your bus to be fixed.

You are not sure if the broken bus really is going in your direction, but the new bus is. So what do you do?

Can you really keep the new bus waiting whilst you decide whether or not the broken bus might change directions?

Or deep down do you know the broken bus is not going anywhere, but you are reluctant to let go, for sentiments sake, because you’ve been on this particular bus for a while.

Changing buses is a big leap of faith!

Buses don’t wait forever though. Sooner or later they will continue their journey with, or without, you.

So do you stay sitting by the roadside next to the broken down bus that’s not going anywhere, or do you climb aboard the new bus and continue your journey to your destination?

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Filed under Love Is