Let’s talk waxing – The Hollywood


Right, let’s get stuck right in shall we?

It’s a necessity in today’s society to primp and preen ourselves to within an inch of looking like the bride of Frankenstein – fake this, fake that and fake everything in between.

Now, much as I loathe the “you’ve been tangoed” look, along with artificially enlarging God-given bodily bits, or piercing anything that moves, the one thing I do agree on, is the removal of unwanted bodily hair.

As I’ve blogged before I wax legs, underarms, eyebrows and bikini line.

And I will admit to having a Hollywood … once!

For those of you that are unfamiliar with waxing terminology, here’s my layman’s interpretation:

  • Bikini line – just removal of the pant moustache;
  • Extended bikini line – removal of the pant moustache – plus a little bit in case you’re going to be wearing a bikini or high-cut swimsuit;
  • Brazilian – removal of pant moustache leaving a landing strip only, plus removal of the lady garden underneath
  • Hollywood – everything off!

So, there you have it.

So, yes, I had a Hollywood. I was 8 months pregnant at the time, so in hindsight it probably wasn’t the best thing in the world to have done – but to be honest, if a  miracle happened, I would pretty much do the same again.

Why? I hear you cry.

Well, being a practical sort of gal, I didn’t like the idea of baby having to fight its way through an undergrowth to get out. I had visions of Indiana Jones with his big knife swiping at the tall pampas grass-type plants to get them out-of-the-way. So I decided to go the whole hog, so to speak.

Hmmm!

The first thing I was told when I booked it was that it was best to get the ‘hair’ to a length of approximately ½ an inch.

Seriously! I was 8 months pregnant, I couldn’t see my feet, let alone anything higher!

Cue 1 very large mirror.

See, I thought it would be easy. How wrong could I be? Not only do you have to sit in a very strange position to actually see what you are doing – due to a large bump being in the way, but you are also having to try to ‘trim’ back to front. Rather than watching what you are doing on yourself, you have to look in the reflection and try to use a pair of scissors! Try it, it’s quite difficult.

Anyway, in the end I just gave up – certainly didn’t want to give myself an episeotomy!

So, the following morning, there I am at the beautician’s, lying on the table, bump rather active, waiting.

ow! Ow! OW!!!!!

Bikini waxing is generally OK, I find. Not a big deal. BUT. When you’re pregnant, things down there get a little more sensitive. And, by golly gosh, it hurt (OK not quite so much as labour pains), but actually pretty close.

So the first couple of strips were OK. More stingy than usual, but pretty much within the pain threshold.

Then we got on to the lady garden area.

Oh, sweet mother of Jesus. That did smart.

Actually, what didn’t help, was that I had forgotten to switch my mobile to silent and it rang. In my rush to grab the phone I hurled myself off the table and bump gave me a real big squeeze, in the form of a nice Braxton-Hicks. I thought the beautician was going to have a fit, I think she thought I’d gone into labour. Ooops!

Profuse apologies and phone on silent we got back to the job in hand. The remaining bits!

Now, unbeknownst to me, a fact which I have been told since, the further across you go with the hair removal (on the frontage, not the undercarriage) the more sensitive and therefore painful it gets – which is why I was told hot wax is more effective than warm wax.

Mmmm. I was being given a warm wax treatment.

I think I bit my finger so hard at one point I actually drew blood!

Anyway. pain over, Hollywood ‘look’ achieved and no hacking through undergrowth for little Indiana!

What I hadn’t expected, was that I was actually so bruised ‘down there’ I found it difficult to walk for a couple of days!

Result – nice, would definitely go the whole hog again – pregnant or otherwise.

Note to self though – will turn phone off first 😉

 

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